Estonian women dating

#1 Free Estonian Dating site for Estonia Singles . Welcome to our Estonian Dating Website. Meet single Estonians in your local area at EstoniaFriendsDate.com, the Free Estonian Dating site for single Estonians. EstonianFriendsDate.com is a 100% free Estonian dating site where you can make friends, social connections or find life partner online. Join our free dating community and meet thousands ... Dating Estonian women can be tough if you don’t know what to expect, so I’ve decided to outline a list of key points that you should be aware of if you decide to date more Estonian women. Estonia has the highest number of models per capita in the world. Therefore, your Estonian woman can easily be an 8 or 9, based on our general standards. Free Estonian dating site helping men and women to find online love! Our 100% free singles service offers secure and safe dating experience in Estonia! ... LoveAwake.com is a 100% free Estonian dating site where you can make friends or find true love online. Join our community and meet thousands of lonely hearts from various parts of Estonia. Estonian women most beautiful and it is a responsible decision in your life, so you need to make the right choice using a reliable dating site. Our resource guarantees the legality of its activity, so you can use it without fear that your personal data will go to a third side. Tartu, Estonia women dating. I like traveling, dance, movie, reading books. My work is for organizing a conferences in Estonia. I`m 172 cm, And I wear a different clothing stile from casual and modern until classical. I love long dress for special. About Estonian Women. They are unique and beautiful. At first, it might seem that they are a bit too cold, but after a while, you will acknowledge their natural loveliness and inside beauty. But before you start dating someone, you need to find out more about the background of Estonian women. 100% free Estonian personals. Meet Women from Estonia Estonian women are good at dating online. Remote connection is much more comfortable for them when it comes to meeting new people. Estonians even vote remotely. Online voting was implemented way back in 2005. Estonia has lots of models. It is the top country with the highest model per million people rate (73 per million). Estonian women are also the most Westernized women out of all the baltic women, more Westernized than any Slavic women, but less Westernized than their Scandinavian neighbors. When dating Estonian women, it's becoming more and more common to split dinners, something that's common in the West, but not very common in Eastern Europe. Online Dating in Estonia & Meeting Estonian Women. With so many opportunities in meeting women during the day and at night in Estonia, online dating takes a backseat. However, some men are short on time and don’t have the energy to grind out approaches during the day or are not inclined to hit loud, crowded clubs.

In 2012 I Met a Possessed Couch

2020.04.02 17:14 MikeJesus In 2012 I Met a Possessed Couch

I’ve been losing sleep. I don’t think I’m particularly special in that regard, I think everyone has been losing sleep these days. A global pandemic tends to do that to people. Yet the thing that has been keeping me awake isn’t the virus. I’ve been losing sleep over an old couch I once crossed paths with.
It’s been eight years, I want to believe that I’ve put the past behind me, but being locked in a house for a couple of weeks has made it impossible to not dwell on the past. The memory of the couch started off as a fleeting thought over my morning coffee, but as days have turned into weeks that memory has grown into a distinct vision of madness. What I saw during those three drunken nights in December of 2012 has become an unavoidable part of reality. I can’t rest until I process it.
So since we have a nice little Internet campfire going here I figured I would tell you guys a story. Hopefully it will let me put this whole part of my past to rest and maybe it will take your mind off of what is happening outside. So kick back and let me tell you a tale of love and loss, of broken teenage hearts, of surviving in a crumbling world. Let me tell you a story about the couch that tried to seduce me.

I was nineteen, hung-over and heartbroken. I was also stuck in a foreign country. Well, to call Estonia a foreign country would be a bit of a long shot, I had lived there for a good five years of my life. It was in Estonia that I lived out most of my teenage years. This was where I had smoked my first cigarette, had my first drink, fell in love for the first time. I was dragged in when I was thirteen by my parents; they had business in Tallinn and wherever they went I went. At eighteen, when my parent’s contracts ran out, I was forced back home. Their business with Estonia was done. Mine was not. By nineteen I was back.
As soon as I got off the plane I turned my phone on and checked my messages. She didn’t write to me. My soul, positioned somewhere slightly above my abdomen, twitched in discomfort. It was a familiar twitch, I had felt it in the bus to the airport, I had felt it in the security check, I had felt it when I boarded the flight to Tallinn and as soon as I got off the plane the twitch was back with a vengeance. The discomfort I was feeling in my chest was a realization. It was the realization that I had emptied out most of my already slim bank account on a one-way ticket halfway across the continent to see my old high-school sweetheart who wasn’t interested in seeing me. It was the realization that as much as I consciously knew the trip was a bad idea, I couldn’t resist going. I dragged my feet towards the arrivals hall.
When it became obvious that Saale was dodging my messages I panicked. There was no place for me to crash, I had no money for a flight, hell, I had no money for food. As I boarded the plane to Estonia I sent off a panicked text message to my old band-mate: ‘Made horrible mistake. Landing in Tallinn in three hours. Can I crash at yours?’ Within two minutes there was a reply: ‘OK. Will come with Maarja. See you soon.’ Karl wasn’t very chatty, but he was always there when needed.
The two of them were waiting for me as soon as I walked out into the arrival hall. They barely changed. Karl was still a giant of man. His long hair had gotten longer and the beard he had rocked since seventeen had gotten thicker, the guy looked like Jesus on steroids if Jesus was really into heavy metal and wore glasses. Next to Karl stood Maarja, she wore a garish yellow coat. The pink streak in her hair she’d been so proud of back in middle school was pinker than ever.
“JAAMEEES! YOU’RE BACK!” Maarja yelled in her high-pitched faux-English accent before nearly tackling me to the ground. “It’s been too long honey! Too long!” She hadn’t changed a bit since I left the country. Maarja was still a pint-sized bolt of energy. The two of them made for an odd couple.
“Welcome back, Friend,” Karl said after Maarja was done squeezing me. He wasn’t one for physical contact, Karl settled on a simple pat on the shoulder that challenged my entire skeletal structure. The three of us made our way outside to catch a bus to the center. Even after living in Estonia for five years I still wasn’t used to the winters. As soon as we walked out into the sub-zero temperature I felt decidedly like a foreigner.
We caught up on the small things while we waited for the bus. Karl and Maarja had officially moved in together, the band that Karl and me started up in high-school had broken up, Maarja was in the process of getting a bachelors degree of psychology and Karl was really into some crypto-currency stuff that went completely over my head. I couldn’t get much out of me; the cold was taking a real toll on my system. Whenever I opened my mouth to talk about my miserable little life I simply ended up chattering my teeth. As soon as we got on the bus I threw myself at the nearest heating vent.
“So, James,” Maarja said as soon as we got on the bus, “You still talk to Saale?” When I turned away from the heater to face her she froze, “I mean, we don’t have to talk about, forget I asked.”
“Do I look that bad?”
While Maarja searched for a diplomatic answer Karl stepped in with his special brand of honesty, “You look very tired and unhappy.”
“Well, I am happy to see you guys and I am excited to be here, but, yeah,” I decided to get the conversation out of the way, “We tried two months of long-distance, but Skype only gets you so far. Broke up in late July. After we split we agreed to not talk for a couple of months, to give each other some time to clear the system and all that. Keeping radio silence was hard at first but after a couple of weeks I started to get used to it. I was learning to live without her. Things were starting to straighten up, I even took a stab at dating but when the holidays rolled around the loneliness came back. On Christmas I figured I’d throw Saale a holiday message. She wrote back. We started chatting on a daily basis.”
The bus bounced through my old neighborhood. Memories of my drunken youth jumped at me from every corner, most of those memories involved Saale. “Last night we got pretty drunk,” I continued, “Things got flirty. We started talking about what we would do if we weren’t half a continent away from each other. She mentioned her parents were out of town until the end of January on some sort of an anniversary trip. I offered to fly in. She told me I should. Now I’m here.”
“She changed her mind?” Karl asked.
“She didn’t think I was serious about flying over. Didn’t exactly check with her before I bought the ticket. She flipped out when I got it, told me to get a refund and then hung up on me when I insisted on meeting up. She hasn’t answered any of my messages since.” A part of me felt good to get the story out of my system but saying it out loud just added to the absurdity. I could have not bought the ticket, I could have gotten a refund, I could have not gotten on that plane. Everything could have been avoided, but nineteen year old me leaped at the opportunity for a grand romantic gesture like a hungry animal.
“Very strange,” Karl finally said after considering my story. He shot a look over to Maarja, as if she was the ambassador to all women-kind, “Very strange, right?”
Maarja shrugged.
Maarja’s house was the crown jewel of my high-school social life. It was a three-apartment unit that was built at some point before the world wars. This place was old, as you would walk around the little apartment it would creak, but it made for a perfect party place. Maarja had inherited the apartment from her grandma at sixteen; the Estonians saw child rearing as a fairly independent process. If she couldn’t survive on her own at sixteen she probably couldn’t make it at thirty, a bit of responsibility would prepare her for the frigid world outside. Maarja used her newly found independence to throw the biggest house parties that the neighborhood had ever seen.
Maarja’s place was perfect for booze filled gatherings. It was spacious enough to hold any drinking game we could dream up, there was a nice terrace for smoking and the neighbors were either deaf, completely apathetic about teenage drinking or both. As soon as the front door opened I was assaulted by memories.
Visions of drunken nights on the floor of the living room, of hung-over mornings of the kitchen; the old apartment breathed with the past. For a split second a wave of gratitude for a youth well spent washed over me, but then I remembered that each of those fond memories had an element I wanted to block out. Most of the fun I had in the apartment had been with Saale by my side.
Maarja and Karl still slept on an old mattress on the floor, the walls were still covered with cut outs of boy-bands that Maarja had stuck to the wall in her tweens. The only thing that changed about their bedroom was the addition of a massive computer rig on the table. There were strange ventilators and cooling tubes and blinking lights, the machine looked like something straight out of a sci-fi flick.
“That’s my mining rig,” Karl said proudly. I nodded as if I understood what he was talking about.
“Where are the rats?” I asked, noticing the empty cage on Maarja’s wardrobe. Back in the day Maarja had two rats, Fritz and The Duchess. She would keep them in the cage most of the time, but whenever the night reached a certain point of drunkenness Maarja would sneak over to her bedroom and come out with the two animals. If you saw Maarja with two rats running up and down her body you knew the night was really going to become a rager.
“The Duchess died last week,” Maarja said with a glint of sorrow, “Fritz wasn’t taking it well. Think the little guy was depressed being in the cage all alone, so I’m letting him roam around the house for the time being. Hopefully a bit of freedom will cheer him up.” As if he had heard his name, Fritz peeked out from behind the wardrobe. The albino rat raised his snout in the air, sniffed for a bit and then lumbered off to the living room. The years had taken their toll on Fritz, he no longer moved with the youthful energy I was used to, but the one part of him that I remembered had not changed. Fritz still had balls that were disproportionately giant to his body. As he moved away from us he dragged them behind him with Sisyphean effort.
“So, which hostel are you crashing at?” Maarja asked. A lump manifested in my throat. I looked around the cramped apartment. Outside of the mattress there was nowhere for me to sleep. I didn’t have any money for a hostel. “Ah, I’m just kidding. You’re crashing here. We owe you anyway,” Maarja said with good cheer.
“For what?” I asked, relieved that I wasn’t homeless.
“Financing the booze and cigarettes back in the day, might have ended up a nun if it weren’t for you,” she said with a grin. It was true, throughout high school I had been the main financier of our misadventures, my parents had foreign money and that money went pretty far by Estonian standards. More importantly though; when everyone was sixteen I looked twelve. According to the law of teen streets, the late bloomer provides the dough for those who can buy stuff without ID.
“You’ll sleep on the couch, we just haven’t had the time to get it out of the garage. How about you and Karl drag it in while I make some tea?”
Even though it was a bright winter day outside the garage was in near darkness. The only thing that illuminated the cramped musty room was a single ray of light shining in through a cracked skylight. The garage was covered in flimsy shelves that buckled beneath the weight of greasy machine parts. In the center of the garage lay a couch shaped object covered with a large, stained cloth. Karl grabbed ahold the cloth and was about to pull it away, but a thought struck him.
“James, if I tell you something will you not tell Maarja?” He asked, letting the cloth drop back down to the floor. He looked straight at me; his small eyes were probing me for trustworthiness.
“Well, depends on what it is,” I said, “Don’t need help burying a body, right?”
“No,” Karl’s intensity broke into a smile, “It is nothing illegal. Just a secret.” He strode towards one of the rickety shelves and plunged his hand deep into its depths. After a moment of rustling he pulled out a small box. He opened it. Even though the garage was dark, and even though the diamond was tiny, you could see a little glimmer. Karl’s eyes shone twice as bright.
“Wow man,” I said, realizing how quickly the world was moving on, “Congratulations!” Maarja and Karl would get married and I would be at their wedding alone. As I stood in that garage the thought that I would always be alone gushed dread through my veins. We used to joke about how Saale and me would get hitched before the two of them did. Those jokes felt cruel now. Maarja and Karl would get married and one day Saale would get married too. She would get married to someone who wasn’t me. “I’m really happy for you.”
“I want to ask her father soon. He does not like me much, but I think I can show him that I can provide for his daughter. This Bitcoin thing will be big soon James, in a couple of years me and Maarja will be rich.” Karl put the box back into its hiding place. “Promise not to tell her, yes?”
“Promise,” I said with as much candor as I could muster, but my mind was elsewhere. My mind was floating disembodied in a bright church, watching my would-be-wife get married to someone else.
“James,” Karl’s paw on my shoulder brought me back into reality, “You will be okay. I know you are worried about Saale, but you still have us. We will drink this away.” He smiled. I tried to smile back. “Let’s get this couch, shall we?”
He pulled away at the cloth that covered the couch. Enough dust flew off into the air to send us both into a coughing fit. The room danced with dirty particles. Yet from behind the veil of powder I could see it. I could see the couch.
The thing was ancient, a couch straight out of the early days of the Soviet Union. Its flowery upholstery was covered in stains that just screamed history. It was as if the piece of furniture had been used for barricades in the defense of Stalingrad and lived to talk about it. Filth filled its rumpled cloth, it stood on firm wooden legs that seemed to have survived multiple generations of being clawed at, it was as if the thing was simply biding its time until its true masters came back to retrieve it. The couch was old, but somehow in that dark garage, in that gust of earthly smoke, there was something alluring about it. It looked ratty but comfortable, even inviting. For a split second I was sure that the couch had winked at me with its cushioning. Then the dust settled and it was just a piece of furniture.
Karl grabbed one side of the couch, I grabbed the other and we started to haul the thing towards the living room. We had left the garage, but there was still tension in the air. I was still thinking about Saale getting married to someone who wasn’t me. It was still as if Karl and me were meant to have a serious discussion. Neither of us were comfortable.
“I lost my virginity on this couch,” I shared, hoping to relax the situation.
Karl grinned, accepting the levity, “Gross.”
We dragged the couch to the living room and then joined Maarja in the kitchen. Back in the day her kitchen table was the go-to place to gather before drinking and after drinking. We would sit around and shoot the shit and wait for someone to drop off the booze for the evening or the hung-over pizza for the morning. Yet as we sat there, trying to make small talk, one of the chairs was empty and it made all the difference. I couldn’t focus on anything that was being said around me, all I could think about was how Saale used to sit next to me. All I could think about were her long legs on my lap, her long fiery hair, her laughter.
“How about we sweeten the evening with a bit of moonshine?” Maarja asked, as she fished a clear bottle out of the kitchen counter, “Karl and me are going to lunch with my parents tomorrow though, so no hangovers.”
Karl cheered on the promise of alcohol, but not even drink could lift my spirits. My eyes shifted from Saale’s empty seat to the couch. All I wanted to do was lie down and fall asleep for a thousand years. “Guys, I appreciate the hospitality but I’m really tired. How about we drink tomorrow?” I said. Karl and Maarja looked concerned, this was the first time they had ever seen me refuse booze.
“Are you sure you’re okay honey? We can talk about it if you want to,” Maarja suggested. I insisted I was fine; I just needed to get some rest. That didn’t convince her, but she yielded, “Well, we’ll be in my room if you need us.” Her and Karl shuffled off to her bedroom. I laid down on the couch.
From the other room I could hear them talk. Maarja talked in concerned whispers whilst Karl spoke at full volume, it didn’t make much of a difference, even after five years of being in the country I still couldn’t understand Estonian. I could hear my name being mentioned though. They were concerned about the emotional wreck that was crashing on their couch. I dragged my friends into my mess. It was all so humiliating; I was far from home, broke and broken. I wanted to die.
‘Easy there Tiger, don’t think like that,’ a faint voice emerged from the back of my head, ‘Things might not seem great right now, but look on the bright side, at least you’re on a comfortable couch.’ The voice was right; the couch was indeed comfortable. ‘All you need is a bit of a distraction to forget about your broken heart. Some booze, some dope, maybe a bit of love and you’ll be good as new.’ It was as if the suave voice turned a switch in my mind. Suddenly the tightness in my chest eased, a burst of joy started to bubble in my abdomen. My fingers started to trace the sides of the upholstery. The voice giggled, ‘That’s the spirit Tiger, just relax, you’re fine as long as you’re here with me.’ The universe felt lighter, my feelings of dread faded away and were replaced with an electric anticipation. I needed a drink to celebrate.
I opened the door to Maarja’s bedroom. She was lounging on the mattress reading a psych textbook. Karl was watching bar graphs on the computer. “Hey guys,” I peeked in, “I feel a bit better now, how about those drinks?” They both grinned. We drank.
In the moment I didn’t give much thought to the voice in my head, my internal monologue was turned up a notch since the break-up anyway. I was used to hearing thoughts that I consciously didn’t want to consider; the silky voice that was telling me that things would be okay was a welcome distraction. I sunk into the couch and I let the night carry me away. ‘See Tiger? Isn’t it nice to be here? Isn’t life just swell on this little old couch?’ it would say. I nodded along. We drank more.
All thoughts of avoiding hangovers were let go; the liquor poured freely. At some point Maarja emerged out of her room with Fritz on her shoulder. We celebrated the tradition of our youth but the rat was sluggish, far too old to crawl around on her body. After a couple of minutes Maarja gave up on playing with the rat. She put him on the ground. Fritz simply walked around the room dragging his testacles behind him like a ball and chain. We drank more.
Karl lumbered up to his feet and went to fetch his guitar. Maarja was out having a cigarette. I was far too comfortable on the couch. Having a moment to myself I watched the rat. Fritz had spent the past couple of minutes roaming the living room and sniffing at my backpack. Yet suddenly something caught his attention, he sniffed at the air, his whiskers bouncing in curiosity. Then he looked towards the couch. The old rat sprung to his hind legs and turned towards me. It was as if his beady eyes were locked to the piece of furniture. ‘Oh Tiger, don’t think about the stupid rat. Look, here comes Karl, let’s stop thinking about stupid things and listen to him play.’
Oh and how he could play. To say that Karl lacked warmth would be an understatement, communicating with the guy often felt like having a conversation with a pile of awkwardly stacked encyclopedias, but as soon as he would bring out the guitar he would ooze personality. Somehow, with those hulking fingers of his, Karl had managed to make the strings sing the gentlest of tones. Maarja and me sang along out of key as the night went on. ‘Just like the good old days, Tiger, you’re here and you’re happy. Focus on the positives, focus on the present,’ the voice told me. I followed the advice, until I couldn’t.
It was as if a spell had been broken. As soon as I heard those opening chords, as soon as I realized what Karl was playing my stomach sank. It was that Rolling Stones song. Saale and me had danced to it once upon a time. Memories of our first night together came rushing into my mind. The Saale shaped hole in my heart throbbed with pain. I got up to splash some water on my face. Karl shifted his performance into a serenade for Maarja.
The tiles in the bathroom were freezing but I was willing to withstand the pain if it meant I could get further away from the song. I stood there, willing to wait it out, but the memories just kept on floating back. I was standing in the same bathroom I stood in the night that I met Saale. I could see traces of a sixteen-year old in my face. The music kept on building. Saale’s lily perfume filled my nostrils. I could remember the fullness of her lips before our first kiss. The images were cascading on top of each other, ripping away at my sanity, ready to plunge me into a panic attack. But then they stopped. The music stopped.
I peeked out of the door. Karl had chucked his guitar over to the side. His serenade had given way to a heavy make out session. Him and Maarja were all over each other. “Guys, I’m going to go out for a cigarette,” I announced.
The two of them looked up at me dazed and drunk. “Take the keys honey, I think we’re going to bed.”
I hoped that the dial tone would block out Maarja’s moans but it didn’t. Not only did I have to listen to a loving couple have sex, I also had to listen to world’s quietest dial tone as I was reminded that Saale did not want to talk to me. I stood out there in the freezing cold smoking one cigarette after another. It was just me, the starless sky and Maarja’s moans. Karl lasted for a quarter a pack before their bedroom quieted down. I tried calling Saale one more time and then went back inside.
By the time I stumbled to the couch I could already hear snoring coming from the bedroom. But there was another sound in the apartment, something much quieter, something I almost didn’t notice. Scratching.
Luckily I managed to prop myself up against the couch before I sat on him. As I tried to regain my balance I realized just how drunk I was. Fritz was on the couch, furiously scratching into its upholstery. He looked up at the drunken figure hovering over him for a split second and then went back to work. Those little claws scratched with the ferocity of a pup. It was as if Fritz was two years younger.
I picked him up by his scruff and tried taking him off the couch. When I lifted him off the ground the rat seemed confused for just a split second before-
‘Aiiieee’ Fritz screamed the world’s tiniest scream and then bit me in the finger. He dropped to the ground and ran beneath a nearby wardrobe. He hid beneath it and watched me.
I was too drunk and tired to care. I laid down on the couch and exhaled. ‘Welcome back Tiger, you look tired. Let me keep you company. Yes, life is hard, but if you really appreciate the moment it can be pretty enjoyable. Lie down here, let me keep you hold you. Let’s get to know each other better.’
I could smell floral perfume. I closed my eyes and drifted off to a deep sleep.
(Next part)
submitted by MikeJesus to nosleep [link] [comments]


2020.03.19 08:56 HeadOfSpectre Shadow Of A Woman

Most nights I dream of Paris. Things were simpler back then.
I was still young and self assured, believing that the world was mine to explore. I wanted to experience every hedonistic pleasure that life could give. I wanted my own adventures, and in many ways, I got them. But Paris was different. Paris changed me. It changed the path my life would follow. I suppose I could blame it for the terrible things that came next, but that seems unfair. Those sins I committed were my responsibility. There was no tragic mistake that set me on the path I ended up on. It all came down to choice. I chose my fate at every turn. We are who we make ourselves to be. I will not hide from my past. But I will rise above it.
My time in the Military had done me some good, but I was bored with it. Norway was a quiet country and of its military, only a handful ware actively deployed. I was part of that handful. My deployment had been unremarkable. An amusing blip in 5 years of service. There was little in the way of actual combat. It was just the same routine in another part of the country. Even when it was necessary to fight, I took no pleasure in the violence. But that isn’t to say I took no pleasure at all. There was a sort of thrill to utilizing my skills. A small rush I got from the hunt. After all, why else be trained, if I was never going to have need of it?
I was stationed in a small outpost where very little seemed to happen. Our outpost needed to defend itself, and I spent more time playing cards than doing anything of notable interest. At times, the others would arrange little competitions. We’d take turns with precision or timed shooting to determine which of us was the best. Sometimes we’d use knives. I was a decent marksman, but I excelled with the knives. My arm was perfect. I could hit the target almost every time. It wasn’t much, but it was a point of pride for me. I got that much adored rush of dopamine every time I stuck a knife, and when I had nothing else to do, I’d practice. It was better than staring into the desert and the unchanging routine.
Even with that to occupy my time, I found myself growing disinterested with the whole endeavor. I found it wasteful to have such skills and no need of them, and I saw no change in that. Change would likely mean war, and while I was eager to have more on my plate, war didn’t interest me either.
In the end, I saw but one path to fulfillment. An honorable discharge and a train out of Norway.
For some time, I traveled. It had been almost a year of drifting from city to city. At times, I’d take on odd jobs. I’d worked as a waitress, a bouncer and a bartender. It was a varied lifestyle that gave me what I was looking for. Europe isn’t like North America. North America is so full and busy. It’s so much bigger, but it feels like there’s so much less there. In Europe, there’s a beauty in the empty spaces. The small forgettable towns and the narrow lonely roads by the sea. For a time, that was what made me happy. New cities. New sights. New men and women in my bed. I don’t suppose I realized that a certain boredom had set in until after it had all passed. Maybe that means I left it all behind at the perfect time.
We met in Rome. His hotel was across from mine and we’d see each other on occasion as we returned to our rooms. It wasn’t until one night when we happened to run into each other in a bar when we first spoke.
His name was Leland Taylor. I called him Lee. He had kind eyes and a shy smile. He wore his hair in dreadlocks to be just like his Father. A Father who’d come to Canada from Barbados with nothing, and worked every day of his life to give Lee a half decent life.
“I thought that by becoming a soldier boy, I might make him proud.” He told me on the night we met. I hadn’t figured him for a soldier.
“How did that work out for you?” I asked, almost teasing.
“I think he was worried I was gonna go and get myself killed.” Lee admitted sheepishly, “Ah, but he was alright in the end. When he heard I was getting out, he took me for dinner and told me he was proud of who I’d become. I almost started crying.” He laughed, a carefree, boyish laugh.
“What about you?” He asked, “How long have you been out?”
I raised an eyebrow at him.
“What makes you think I was ever in?” I asked.
“The walls are pretty thin. I’m an early riser. It’s just hard wired into me now. I can hear you up and about too. Same time every morning, just like me. Don’t think I didn’t notice those dog tags either.”
They were hidden beneath my dress, but I admired the fact that he’d noticed.
“Not long.” I confessed, “Almost a year, roughly. I thought I’d travel a bit before I went back to Norway.”
“Ah, so that’s where you’re from! I’ve been trying to figure it out all night.” Lee said. I smiled back at him.
“I’m from the Netherlands.” I said, “We moved to Norway when I was young, to be closer to my Mother’s family. My Father was fine with it. He was a fisherman by trade. He was happy as long as there was a coastline.” I cracked a smile at the memory of him.
“Ah. Sounds like you’ve got a hell of a story, Miss…?”
“DeJong. Call me Trijn.” Lee smiled.
“Alright. Trijn.” He said it perfectly. No mistakes. None of the usual butchering I typically heard from English speakers. “Maybe you can tell me more over another drink.”
“Back at the hotel, I assume?” I asked. “Wherever you want.” He seemed sincere in it too.
Lee didn’t make the first move. He flirted, but he let me come to him. I appreciated that. I’ve never liked my lovers to be aggressive. I’ve always had more than enough to go around. As we lay in my bed afterwards, he trailed kisses along my back, his fingers ghosting along my skin.
“You know…” He said softly, “If you don’t have a next destination in mind, I’m headed to France in a couple of days. I wouldn’t mind the company.”
I looked back at him, into those kindly eyes.
“I don’t think I would.” I said, “If you’re inviting me, that is.”
“Well, I could think of worse ways to enjoy Paris.” He leaned in for a kiss that I gladly reciprocated.
Paris was a dream come true. Together, we were like two old souls reunited at last. We navigated the city like tourists, admiring the sights. We sampled the fine cuisine and at night, danced beneath the moon. We had the money to live like a King and a Queen, and so we did. For over a month, we coasted on our bank accounts. I could recount every little adventure, but to do so might bring me to tears, remembering what once was. No… Best to move on.
As our time in Paris ended, Lee offered me the only thing he could that would provide the perfect ending to our adventure. As we walked back from a party we hadn’t been invited to, he reached into his jacket pocket.
“I’ve been trying to think of the best time to give this to you.” He sighed, and I glanced over at him, wondering what he meant. He was drunk, but not so much so that he didn’t know what he was doing. He’d clearly been thinking on this for some time. The box he removed from his jacket caught my eye, as did the sparkling diamond inside.
“Marry me?” He asked. In hindsight, it seemed too casual. But in the moment, it was perfect. My heart raced in my chest. I stared at him, and though I had already made my choice, I tried to talk myself out of it.
I kissed him and against his lips, I whispered my reply.
“Yes.”
Smiling warmly, Lee took the ring out of the box and gently fitted it onto my finger. Our lips met again and again and he took me in his arms, holding me closely.
Our wedding was nothing spectacular. I returned to Toronto with him, and we had a simple ceremony with only family invited. Mine came down for the occasion, and although I know that many were unsure of our whirlwind courtship, I was not. Years later, I still do not regret my decision. I made many mistakes in the following years, but marrying Lee was not one of them.
We settled into new lives. I took a job as a librarian while he became a mechanic at a shady little garage. Our small lives didn’t bother us. We pieced together something that was ours and we were comfortable! Though we had chosen to live large in Paris, we were content without such luxuries. Although when the boredom inevitably came again, it struck us both. Neither of us said it. We didn’t need to. But it was still there. We began to try for a baby. It wasn’t a conscious thing we agreed upon. The sex was spontanious but meaningful. Done with purpose. We discussed names and a future. We each knew what the other wanted. But despite the effort, it did not kill the boredom. That need for stimulation.
I remember I’d recently gotten home from work when I found Lee sitting on the couch. He was quiet and the TV was off. I knew he was troubled, and the look on his face made it clear he had something to tell me.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
“Well, the Garages owner came up to me today. He started asking some questions.” “About?”
“Apparently, he and a ‘friend’ were talking about hitmen… Someone his ‘friend’ knows is offering money for a couple of jobs. Apparently they want some French guy dead.”
I raised an eyebrow and put a hand on his thigh.
“What? Was he asking you to do it?”
“I think he was gauging my interest.” Lee said, “I mean… From the sounds of it, it’s just a spat between two Gangs, right? It ends with one less thug on the streets and a lot of money going to whoever does it.”
“How much money?” I asked.
“Fifteen thousand.”
That gave me pause.
Lee and I weren’t struggling, although we’d had some discussions about what our finances might look like when a baby had entered the picture. I hadn’t mentioned it to Lee yet either, but I’d begun to suspect I was getting morning sickness. Time would prove it to be nothing, but in the moment it influenced my thought process.
“It would be useful.” Lee murmured. “He knows I’m ex military, so… I dunno… But… Could I even do it?”
“Are you thinking of doing it?” I asked. He looked at me. I saw fear. Fear that I’d be angry, but I wasn’t. I was intrigued. During my days as a soldier, I had killed. There had been a couple of attacks, and I’d done what I needed to do. Killing isn’t a big deal when that’s what you’re trained for. The realization only set in after the fight was finished. The moment itself had not been so dramatic. I had pointed my rifle and pulled the trigger. A man had fallen over. I’m sure he hadn’t even noticed me. It had been impersonal and hadn’t bothered me much at all. I knew Lee had killed too. We’d discussed it once. I knew it weighed heavier on him than it did on me, and like he’d said… one less thug on the streets. “I don’t know.” Lee said, “Maybe…”
“I could do it.” I said. He looked at me. He knew I was serious.
“I know.” He said and he paused, “We could do it together… It would be easier.”
To that, I agreed.
The next day, I went to Lee’s shop after work. The garage was closed down, but Lee sat with three men in pressed suits in the break room. The one who spoke was named Ben Case. He was a slick looking man with greased back hair. He talked fast, and sometimes needed to slow himself down. I got the impression he’d had a stutter as he grew up, and he’d never really gotten treatment for it.
“The man we’re after is named Pierre Roy. He’s been a pain in our ass for a while now. We don’t want anything dramatic. Just find an opening and get rid of him.”
He pushed a picture over to Lee. The man it displayed was balding with stubble covering the lower half of his face. I stared thoughtfully at it, as Lee went through the papers they’d provided on Roy’s details.
“Where do we find him?” I asked, looking over at Case.
“Roy likes to frequent a little club called the Trixie. He’s there just about every Saturday night. I know his friend owns the place. But we’re not interested in harming him or causing a scene there. Don’t do it at the Trixie.”
“Understood.” I said softly, and pushed the photo over to Lee so he could have a look. “On the subject of pay. We were promised Fifteen grand.”
“Yes.” Case waved over one of his associates and they reached into their pocket, taking out a large roll of cash.
“We’ll pay five up front. The rest when we confirm that Roy is dead.”
Five grand seemed fair.
Lee looked over at me, leaving the decision in my hands. Perhaps that was a mistake on his part...
“Consider him dead.” I replied, “But first, we’ll need supplies.”
Case was happy to oblige us.
We followed Roy home from the Trixie that Saturday night. We’d worn dark clothes and covered our faces in case any cameras were watching. We drove an unlicensed car from the shop that Case had provided. As per my request, we had also been provided with Kevlar and unregistered silenced MP5 SMGs. My logic was that a group of Quebecois Mobsters would be more likely to expect a bombing or poisoning. Perhaps a thug with a handgun if Case’s friends were desperate. What they wouldn’t expect was a full on assault. The plan was to move fast and hit hard. A tried and true strategy that I’d practiced countless times during my years in the Military.
We parked our car across the street from the building, and Lee called Roy’s Penthouse posing as a deliveryman. As predicted, Roy sent someone down to investigate. The lone guard went through the apartment door, and I dispatched him with a single shot to the head. Lee was waiting nearby to loot the body and drag it off the street, into a nearby alley where he left it in a dumpster.
Using the guards keys, we gained access to the building and took the elevator up towards Roys penthouse. His security was far more lax than I’d been expecting. Upon leaving the elevator, we hit them with a flashbang we’d requested from Case. It enabled us to pick off Roy’s security at our leisure. The man himself raised his hands and cried out for surrender. I put a bullet in his head without a second thought. Once all targets were down, we left. From the time Lee had placed the call to the time we drove off in our car, ten minutes had passed. Whatever Police investigation there was turned up nothing. I remember following it on the news. But aside from a few brief mentions, nothing came of it. Roy was soon forgotten and Case was thrilled. It wasn’t long before he reached out to us again for another job. There was less reluctance to accept that one. It was a similar task. A kill job on a French Mobster, and we utilized a similar strategy.
By the time the third job came, it was becoming routine.
Case would always meet with us in private at the shop. He never spoke our names. I think he didn’t know them. I suspect ‘Ben Case’ wasn’t his real name either. One could never be too careful in his line of work. I never learned much about him. I suspected his employers to be the Tallinn Corporation, an alleged Estonian crime group. But Case never explicitly confirmed that. He began referring to us as Baron and Baroness. I can’t rightly say where the titles came from. Perhaps he’d just made them up. It worked in place of actual names.
I won’t lie and say a part of me didn’t enjoy the work. I didn’t enjoy murder. It was cold and impersonal to me. But the planning, the satisfaction of a clean op… That was fulfilling. That was something I could never get bored of. I reasoned that this was the only job that Lee and I could have truly excelled at. We were soldiers by trade. We were trained to be killers, and why waste that training?
When the real morning sickness began to take hold, I was almost sorry. I hid it from Lee as long as I can, even after I knew I was pregnant. But I couldn’t hide it forever.
We had our first argument over whether or not I could still participate in our operations. Lee won. He insisted I not endanger our child, but as a compromise, still let me help plan them. We were a team after all, and we worked best as a team. During my pregnancy I put my effort into planning. I was already better at it than Lee was, and I set up my ops to minimize risk to Lee. I couldn’t have our child growing up without a Father after all.
Ruby Taylor was born on September 1st. She did not cry. She slept peacefully, and she was perfect in every way. She had Lee’s kind eyes and I loved her all the more for that. I prayed she’d have the rest of his best qualities too. The moment the doctors first let me hold her, I knew I would do anything for her. Anything at all. I couldn’t let her go at first. She was mine to protect. She couldn’t be out of my sight. It got easier as time went on, but not by much.
Case was kind enough to allow us some time away from our operations to deal with our newborn. He even sent us a card. For a few precious months, my life was perfect. I had become a Mother and Lee was by my side. I felt fulfilled and I had money. What could possibly go wrong? When Case offered us our next job, I insisted I be a part of it. The details came in a letter left in Lee’s locker at work. He sat on his kitchen table, reading over it as I fed young Ruby.
“Who is it this time?” I asked. “More Quebecois?”
“Russian, actually.” Lee replied, “Not sure what he’s doing here. I thought Case worked with the Russians.”
“Estonians, darling. The Tallinn Corporation is Estonian.”
Lee waved his hand and I spooned some applesauce into Ruby’s mouth.
“Same thing. The Soviets. Remember that guy from three weeks ago? Moe something or another…”
“I do.” I took the picture of the target away from Lee. The man depicted in it was young, blonde and had a charming smile.
“Well, Case didn’t give us much but seems like our Russian friend might be a defector who was feeding information to Moe. That guy was paying for private security. A downtown apartment, the whole nine yards. It’s gonna be tough.”
The name on the picture read ‘Dimitri Popov’. I passed it back to him.
“Then we’ll do it together. We can watch each others backs.”
“What about Ruby?” Lee asked, “One of us has to watch her.”
“We’ll call a sitter.” I said, “Say it’s a date night. We could use a break and I’m starting to miss the chase.”
I smiled at Lee and he weakly smiled back. He knew how I was.
“Fine. But we play it safe. No risks.”
“We always do.” I replied, “Now… Tell me about the apartment.”
We spent much of the next day planning our attack. My initial thought was to try and find a line of sight. Lee knew his way around a long ranged weapon quite well, and I imagined we could make quick work of the target.
The apartment was by the lakeshore however, which granted us limited options on approach. As the surrounding buildings were residential, it would be difficult to set up a sniper rifle in one of them without being noticed. We decided it would be too difficult to pull off a long ranged kill.
Neither of us were great with explosives and we didn’t like the risk of collateral damage. Plus, the target seemed to never leave his apartment.
No, the best option was a frontal assault. The same type we’d done countless times.
On that evening, we dressed for the hunt. Kevlar beneath our clothes and dark masks to hide our faces.
The Quebecois security had long since become privy to our usual tricks to sneak in. A distracting phone call would just put them on high alert. We needed something more than that.
Earlier in the day, we had scouted out the building and found a back door by the dumpster that we could likely break without being noticed. We carried a standard glass breaker with us and it made short work of the small window in that door. Afterwards, it was just a matter of reaching through the window and letting ourselves in.
We ascended the stairs quietly. There was one guard up there. Clearly the guards were on patrol. We’d need to kill quickly and silently if we wanted to be undetected.
Lee made a sound to lure the guard down while I stayed beneath the stairs, out of sight. I waited until I had a visual, before coming up behind him and slitting his throat. I took his walkie talkie in order to monitor what little chatter there was between the security team, then we headed up the stairs, and made our way to the apartment. No one else checked in. I assumed that the bulk of the guards were upstairs. We made our way to the eighth floor via the stairs before checking the hall. No obvious guards there, but I knew there was obviously more to it.
Most likely, the entire floor was dedicated to Dimitri’s private security.
“Now what?” Lee asked.
“Flush them out.” I replied. I took the walkie talkie I’d stolen.
“Security breach. They’re coming up the elevators!” I said.
I heard countless muffled replies and moments later, I saw the apartment doors open. Men rushed out, heading down the hall towards the apartment, their backs to us.
Like fish in a barrel.
Lee and I entered the hall together and opened fire. By the time the men knew what was happening, we’d already decimated them. It wasn’t much of a fight.
As the last guard fell, having barely gotten off a shot, Lee and I approached the apartment number we’d been provided.
823.
Lee stopped by one of the bodies and searched it for a key ring. Sure enough he found one. I watched his back as he tried the different keys and opened the door at last. We pressed ourselves against the walls beside the door before he threw it open. I threw a flashbang inside.
As it detonated, I heard feminine screams and swearing in Russian. Lee entered first, spotting Dimitri standing in his living room. Two guards stood on either side of him. Lee fired three bullets into Dimiti’s chest, and I aimed for the heads of the guards.
In seconds, all three were on the ground and we advanced towards the bodies.
“Dead.” Lee said, “We’re done here.”
He turned to leave before stopping suddenly. I was about to ask what was wrong when I saw it.
In the corner was a pink castle with barbies dropped around it. Lee was staring at that.
Then I heard it.
Sobbing. Children sobbing, coming from the kitchen. I headed over to the sound, and there I found them. Two blonde little girls hiding under the counter, tears in their eyes. “Nyet! No!” Said the older one. I watched as she put her younger sister behind her. Shielding her from harm. But I couldn’t raise my gun.
I had killed many men and women in my life… That was what I was trained to do. But I was never asked to kill children. I wouldn’t.
Those eyes… Those big green eyes reminded me of Ruby’s. They reminded me of my own.
“We should go.” Lee said.
I nodded and turned to leave. My heart was racing. For the first time, I felt a pit in my stomach… I felt the guilt of what I’d done.
Who had Dimitri Popov been? Why had he defected?
I needed to know.
As we stepped out into the hall, I watched the elevator doors open. I expected more guards, or Police, but instead the man who walked through was Ben Case.
Case walked with a confident stride. He seemed undisturbed by the bodies.
“You’re still here?” He asked, “I would’ve thought you’d be long gone by now.”
“We were just leaving.” Lee said as Case drew near. He paused, smiling confidently.
“Glad to hear. Stellar work, Mr. Baron. As always. I’ll make sure you’re compensated.”
“What about the children?” I asked as I pulled my mask off.
Case raised an eyebrow at me.
“Oh… You left them alive?”
I felt a small spike of rage in my stomach.
“You didn’t mention anything about children.” I said. Case continued to stare at me. Unconcerned.
“I didn’t think it was important. Anyways, if you left them alive, I’m sure we can find a use for them. I have a friend who runs a little side gig. He’s got a lot of clients who like ‘em young.”
Case brushed past us and entered the apartment. I watched him with wide, mortified eyes as I realized what he meant.
“Mr. Case, you can’t be serious.” I said as I followed him back into the apartment. Case looked back at me, then at the two cowering children in the kitchen.
“Lady, stay out of it. You do your job and I do mine. That’s how the business works. This is what you signed up for.”
“I didn’t sign up to sell children, Mr. Case!” I took a step forwards and found myself staring down the barrel of a gun.
“Simmer down. I like you two more as a duo. Let’s keep it that way.” He warned, and looked over at Lee behind me. I could feel his rage at my back.
“Your job is done. Get out of here. I’m a busy man and I need to see just how much this piece of shit cost us by blabbing off to the French. If you didn’t want me to sell the kids, you should’ve put a bullet in their heads. That’s the job.”
“Not our job.” Lee growled. He moved and Case aimed the gun at him. I pushed his arm to the side, forcing his shot to miss.
Case swung the gun, clipping me on the side of the head and Lee crashed into him, throwing him across the room.
He glanced at the kids and cried out.
“RUN!”
The two little girls didn’t need to be told twice. They ran and I heard a gunshot. Lee went down onto a knee, letting out a cry of pain. I glanced at Case and fired my gun at him. But Case was already on the move. He dashed down the hallway of the apartment and my gun clicked as the clip ran empty.
“Lee!”
I ran to his side and found him struggling to pick himself up.
“It’s in my leg… Fucker…” He growled, “I’ll handle it. I’m alright…” I helped him move into a sitting position.
“Cover the door.” I said, pushing his SMG over to him. “I’m going for Case.”
“What? No!” Lee tried to grab me but I was already gone, pursuing him down the hall of the apartment.
I didn’t need to go far. I saw only a split second of movement before Case fired at me. That was enough time. His bullet was buried uselessly into the drywall.
“I’m pretty sure I heard a click.” He said, “Sorry Miss Baroness… But looks like I’m the one with the gun.”
“You think that’s enough?” I asked him, “You’ve seen what I can do. Do you think it will really stop me?”
I heard his footsteps. Uncertainty. He was debating if he should look for a hiding spot or not. That is the natural instinct of prey. To flee.
“They’re just kids.” He said, “You think they’d be the first? What did you think we were doing, sweetheart? Selling girl scout cookies? Sex sells, and the Estonians do it better than anyone else! This is the business. This is what we do! This is what we are! You’re just as much a part of it as I am! All those people you killed, all the shit you’ve done. It was paving the way for us. You helped us grow! So do me a favor and drop the fucking Holier than Thou act, and let’s discuss this like reasonable people!”
I listened to his every word and I knew that he was right. Whatever the Estonians were building in Toronto, I had helped them do it. Even if I didn’t know the nature of what they were doing, I had known it had been something terrible. But in my fervor, I hadn’t cared. All that had mattered was the thrill of the hunt. The cold mechanical application of my skills.
Ben Case was a monster… but so was I.
“You’re right.” I said, I could hear myself laughing, “Oh, Mr. Case… you’ve changed my mind. I see it now. You and I, we’re both beasts.”
I heard him exhale. A sigh of relief. Hope that I could be reasoned with.
“But there is no reason amongst beasts, Mr. Case. Only Predator and Prey.”
I could feel the knife in my hands. I could feel my muscles moving. As soon as I appeared out of cover, I kept low. I heard the gun go off, but the bullet did not hit me. He stumbled backwards, terrified of me as I approached him. He fired blindly up at the ceiling as I came for him.
My knife scraped his throat but did not kill. My body slammed into Case’s. He was thrown into the bedroom and landed on the bed. I brought the knife down to where his head was supposed to be, only for it to penetrate the mattress. Like the scared animal he was, Case scrambled for escape. He looked back at me, gun still in his hands and fired twice. I felt the bullets strike me in the chest, absorbed by the kevlar. It hurt, but it did not dull my hunger. It only stalled me.
Desperate for escape, Case sprinted down the hall. I saw him raising the gun, and I knew he was aiming at Lee. It would only take one well placed shot to kill him. One well placed shot for him to escape.
It was a risk I could not allow.
With a practiced arm, I threw my knife. It soared through the hall and buried itself in the back of Case’s neck. I saw his legs fail beneath him as he collapsed.
I approached Case slowly, watching as his limbs still twitched. He wasn’t dead yet. But he might as well have been. The blood was already pooling around his body. I’d hit an artery. His eyes focused on me, wild and fearful in his last moments. Then came the end. Stillness. Death.
Lee stared at the corpse, SMG in his hand. He’d bandaged his wound a bit with a torn sleeve. He looked up at me, but didn’t say a word.
It wasn’t until after we’d set the fire that we spoke. As I helped him down he stairs with the sound of the fire alarm going off around us, we didn’t say a word. Not until we were back in the car.
“When they find out what we’ve done, the Estonians won’t be happy.” Lee said.
“I know.” I replied, “I’m not sure what to do about that…”
Lee sighed, looking back at me.
“We could lie. We could say that one of the guards pulled some kind of stunt and killed Case when he showed up. Maybe we can control the narrative.”
“And do what, keep working for them?” I asked, “No… If we quit, especially after this. They’ll figure it out. And I won’t keep doing jobs for the likes of them. Never again.”
I glanced over at Lee and saw a reluctance on his face. I hated him for that.
“We have to.” He said, “You’re right. They’ll catch on if we quit… They’ll kill us.”
They’d kill Ruby.
We drove in silence for a bit longer as I tried to see a future. But I couldn’t.
I couldn’t work with the Estonians. But I couldn’t endanger my family by leaving…
“What if I was dead.” I finally said, and Lee looked back over at me.
“What do you mean? Like… a suicide pact?”
“No. Tell the Estonians I died in the fire. Say the op went wrong. But as far as they’re concerned. I’m dead. I’m no longer accessible to them.”
“And what about me?” Lee asked.
“They’ll still have you… And so will I. This problem only exists so long as The Tallinn Corporation does. What if we took them out?”
“Trijn, you’re talking about a massive, multinational organization! I don’t think you can take them out!”
“Well, at least kept them out of Toronto. Case told me we’d helped build their presence in Toronto up… That’s not something I can live with. Not unless I tear it down.”
Lee stared at me, unsure what I was saying.
“We can tell them I’m dead. I’ll live somewhere else, I’ll change my name. Whatever I have to do. And I’ll fight them. I’ll tear them apart brick by brick! I’ll undo the damage! And you can stay inside… you can lie to them, I can’t. You can tell me where to target. What to do to hurt them the most. You can be my eyes.”
Lee was silent.
“And what about Ruby?” He asked.
I’d been dreading that question.
“Maybe it’s better if I’m not around her…” I said, “At least for now. She’s only a target if the Estonians figure out that I’m alive, and you can keep her safe.”
Lee didn’t agree with it… Not at first at least. But I’d already made up my mind.
My sins had allowed a monster into Toronto. I would never rest until I’d beaten it back, even if I lost my place in my daughters life for a few years.
I deserved to be punished, and so I would be.
***
That was twenty six years ago, and the Tallinn Corporation still exists in Toronto. They have proven far more difficult an enemy than I could have imagined. But I’ve never given up the fight. I have done all I can to disrupt their operations and stop them from victimizing more innocent people. I help their enemies, and I torment their friends. Some days I worry that it’s not enough, but I still try. I have to. They still call me ‘The Baroness’ but they have forgotten its origin. It’s likely that the origin died with Mr. Case.
I have never spoken to Ruby. But I have watched her grow. Lee tells me she’s a strong, wonderful young woman. I know he’d have raised her right. Sometimes, I’ll sit in my car down the street from my old house, and I’ll watch as Lee and Ruby work in the garage together, repairing his old Dodge Challenger. He says that she looks a lot me, and I suppose I can see it. Mostly in her eyes. There’s an intensity to her stare that I recognize from my youth. He says she’s just like I was, when I was younger.
I hope she’s better.
Sometimes I fantasize about meeting her. I imagine the words I’d say as I apologized for being absent from her life for so long. I can never quite find the right words to say. I can’t imagine what she must think of me, or how she’d react. If it were me, I wouldn’t be so forgiving. Maybe I don’t deserve to be forgiven.
I’m not who I was. Now I am getting old and tired. The fight gets harder and harder every day. The Estonians are getting stronger. But they no longer scare me.
They are scared of me.
submitted by HeadOfSpectre to HeadOfSpectre [link] [comments]


2019.11.27 00:06 Szeraax Youth classes during 2nd hour of church in 2020 will have specific lessons for specific dates (like Sunday School)

Date:November 26, 2019
To:General Authorities; General Officers; Area Seventies; Stake, Mission, and District Presidents; Bishoprics and Branch Presidencies; Stake Young Men and Young Women Presidencies; Ward Young Men Advisers and Young Women Presidencies; Aaronic Priesthood Quorum Presidencies and Young Women Class Presidencies
From:Priesthood and Family Department
Subject:Changes to 2020Curriculum for Aaronic Priesthood Quorums and Young Women Classes
Beginning in January 2020, the curriculum for Aaronic Priesthood quorums and Young Women classes will change in the following ways:
The first three months of outlines will be released in December 2019 on the Gospel Library app and on ChurchofJesusChrist.org. The remaining outlines will be released each quarter throughout 2020. In 2021, meeting outlines will also be available in print.
The meeting outlines will be available in the following languages: Albanian, American Sign Language, Armenian, Bislama, Bulgarian, Cambodian, Cebuano, Chinese Simplified, Chinese Traditional, Croatian, Czech, Danish, Dutch, Estonian, English, Fijian, Finnish, French, German, Greek, Haitian, Hungarian, Ilokano, Indonesian, Italian, Japanese, Kekchi, Kiribati, Korean, Latvian, Lithuanian, Malagasy, Malay, Marshallese, Mongolian, Norwegian, Polish, Portuguese, Romanian, Russian, Samoan, Spanish, Swahili, Swedish, Tagalog, Tahitian, Thai, Tongan, Ukrainian, and Vietnamese.
submitted by Szeraax to latterdaysaints [link] [comments]


2019.11.11 14:19 exploretoapp Things To Do: November 11th to 17th

Here's our usual list of events to kick off your week! We also post things to do ideas on our app (iOS, Android, Website) and Instagram

Monday November 11th
Tool @ Scotiabank Arena 7 PM
Benito Skinner: Overcompensating @ The Phoenix Concert Theatre 8 PM
The Office Trivia 7.3 @ Hemingway's 6 PM
Tool Tribute & Afterparty w/ Third Eye Open @ The Rec Room Toronto 10 PM

Tuesday November 12th
Kohai Presents: Jay Park @ REBEL 7 PM
Tool @ Scotiabank Arena 7 PM
Sasha Sloan @ The Danforth Music Hall 7 PM
Emma Goldman @ City of Toronto 7 PM
Social Media Week Toronto 2019 @ Various Locations 9 AM
Friends Toronto Trivia! @ Dublin Calling 8 PM
(Sandy) Alex G @ The Opera House 7 PM

Wednesday November 13th
Social Media Week Toronto 2019 @ City of Toronto 9 AM
Louis The Child at REBEL - Toronto @ REBEL 8 PM
Eataly Toronto Grand Opening @ City of Toronto 5 PM
Rubens the Intermedial Artist @ AGO - Art Gallery of Ontario 7 PM
Artist Talk with Rebecca Belmore and Osvaldo Yero @ Art Museum at the University of Toronto 12 PM
Special Tour of The Way She Looks @ Ryerson Image Centre 6 PM
Indie Week Official Opening Night Party @ Revival Nightclub 7 PM
New Found Glory at The Phoenix Concert Theatre @ The Phoenix Concert Theatre 6 PM
Indie Week Canada 2019@ Toronto, Ontario 7 PM

Thursday November 14th
Social Media Week Toronto 2019 @ City of Toronto 9 AM
2019 Toronto Christmas Market Opening Day @ The Distillery Historic District 4 PM
St. Lawrence Market presents Evening at the Market @ St Lawrence Market 7 PM
Bedouin + Lauren Lane ✦ 4AM Last Call @ Everleigh Toronto 10 PM
Bryce Vine @ The Opera House 7 PM
Secret Broadcast w/ The Redhill Valley's, Mountain Head & more @ The Horseshoe Tavern 8 PM
Architecture & Design Film Festival: Toronto @ TIFF Bell Lightbox 7 PM
Everybody's Everything: A Lil Peep Documentary @ The Danforth Music Hall 7 PM

Friday November 15th
Social Media Week Toronto 2019 @ City of Toronto 9 AM
Toronto Maple Leafs vs. Boston Bruins @ Scotiabank Arena 7 PM
Artists on Artists Tours: Sophia Oppel on "Age of You" @ Museum of Contemporary Art (MOCA) 6 PM
Orpheus Alive & Chaconne @ The National Ballet of Canada 7 PM
Dom Dolla at Toybox @ Toybox 10 PM
Markus Schulz + Aly & Fila at REBEL @ REBEL 10 PM
Ultimate Girls Day Out - Toronto National Women's Show @ Metro Toronto Convention Centre 10 AM
DJ Tennis ▴ CODA @ CODA 10 PM
Friday Fusion at Estonian House @ City of Toronto 8 PM
The Man Who Fell To Earth @ TIFF 8 PM
Skate and Create @ City of Toronto 7 PM

Saturday November 16th
Orpheus Alive & Chaconne @ The National Ballet of Canada 7 PM
Dom Dolla at Toybox @ Toybox 10 PM
Ultimate Girls Day Out - Toronto National Women's Show @ Metro Toronto Convention Centre 10 AM
Forth Presents: Objekt (PAN/Hessle Audio) @ City of Toronto 10 PM
Bloodsuckers: Legends to Leeches @ Royal Ontario Museum 10 AM
Laidback Luke - Strictly Techno at NOIR @ NOIR inside REBEL 10 PM
Jay Lumen @ CODA 10 PM
Conor Maynard @ Adelaide Hall 7 PM
Taste of Iceland in Toronto: Reykjavik Calling @ Dakota Tavern 6 PM
Monatik / Toronto @ The Phoenix Concert Theatre 8 PM
Christmas Market @ Beach United Church 10 AM
Angel Olsen @ Queen Elizabeth Theatre 7 PM
The Talking Back Feminist Media Conference @ Toronto Media Arts Centre 10 AM
Washi Artists' Sale @ City of Toronto 11 AM

Sunday November 17th
Orpheus Alive & Chaconne @ The National Ballet of Canada 7 PM
Ultimate Girls Day Out - Toronto National Women's Show @ Metro Toronto Convention Centre 10 AM
The 115th Toronto Santa Claus Parade @ Toronto, Ontario 12 PM
Another Brick in the Wall - The Opera @ Sony Centre for the Performing Arts 2 PM
Haggar Hockey Hall of Fame Legends Classic @ Scotiabank Arena 4 PM
Clairo - Immunity Tour @ The Danforth Music Hall 7 PM
Danny Bhoy - Age Of Fools @ Roy Thomson Hall 7 PM
FKA twigs - Magdalene @ REBEL 7 PM
Toronto Marlies vs. Texas Stars @ Coca-Cola Coliseum 4 PM
The Trinity Bellwoods Flea - Christmas Is Coming Market @ The Trinity Bellwoods Flea 10 AM
Vivaldi's Four Seasons @ City of Toronto 3 PM
Isango Ensemble: A Man Of Good Hope @ Bluma Appel Theatre at St Lawrence Centre 2 PM

Ongoing Events
Toronto Stompbox Exhibit @ City of Toronto On until November 10th
Legends of Karaoke at Sneaky Dee's @ Sneaky Dee's On until February 11th
3rd Monday Nights Free @ Royal Ontario Museum On until March 16th
Dufferin Grove Farmer's Market - Thursdays @ Dufferin Grove Farmers' Market On until December 20th
The Rocky Horror Show (Live) @ Lower Ossington Theatre On until November 17th
Chrysanthemum Show at Allan Gardens Conservatory @ Allan Gardens Park and Conservatory On until November 11th
Studio 10 x Soul Space Presents: Remix for Remix @ Smiling Buddha On until November 8th
The Irishman @ TIFF On until November 19th

Our picks and ideas
Best Thrift Shops Toronto's best prices for vintage clothing
Toronto Spas The best place to relax and escape the hustle
Date Night Hassle-free date ideas
Fun Things to Try Because life is too short
Toronto's Weed Stores High-quality bud from licensed retailers
Freebies & Discounts Living in the city is expensive, we can all use a break sometimes
submitted by exploretoapp to toronto [link] [comments]


2019.09.17 18:23 removalbot 09-17 16:23 - 'More Lithuanians were killed on this date than Poles during the Soviet invasion on September 17th, and Soviets killed soldiers while Germans killed civilians, women and children. Its funny how nazi war crimes never matter to...' by /u/tdzida26 removed from /r/europe within 120-130min

'''
More Lithuanians were killed on this date than Poles during the Soviet invasion on September 17th, and Soviets killed soldiers while Germans killed civilians, women and children. Its funny how nazi war crimes never matter to Estonians, because you were glad for the Germans to arrive and rescue you from the Jewish menance. Estonians never change. And it's awesome how you don't care one bit about your neighbours. Sad.
'''
Context Link
Go1dfish undelete link
unreddit undelete link
Author: tdzida26
submitted by removalbot to removalbot [link] [comments]


2019.08.29 19:46 HeadOfSpectre Shadow Of A Woman

Most nights I dream of Paris. Things were simpler back then.
I was still young and self assured, believing that the world was mine to explore. I wanted to experience every hedonistic pleasure that life could give. I wanted my own adventures, and in many ways, I got them. But Paris was different. Paris changed me. It changed the path my life would follow. I suppose I could blame it for the terrible things that came next, but that seems unfair. Those sins I committed were my responsibility. There was no tragic mistake that set me on the path I ended up on. It all came down to choice. I chose my fate at every turn. We are who we make ourselves to be. I will not hide from my past. But I will rise above it.
My time in the Military had done me some good, but I was bored with it. Norway was a quiet country and of its military, only a handful ware actively deployed. I was part of that handful. My deployment had been unremarkable. An amusing blip in 5 years of service. There was little in the way of actual combat. It was just the same routine in another part of the country. Even when it was necessary to fight, I took no pleasure in the violence. But that isn’t to say I took no pleasure at all. There was a sort of thrill to utilizing my skills. A small rush I got from the hunt. After all, why else be trained, if I was never going to have need of it?
I was stationed in a small outpost where very little seemed to happen. Our outpost needed to defend itself, and I spent more time playing cards than doing anything of notable interest. At times, the others would arrange little competitions. We’d take turns with precision or timed shooting to determine which of us was the best. Sometimes we’d use knives. I was a decent marksman, but I excelled with the knives. My arm was perfect. I could hit the target almost every time. It wasn’t much, but it was a point of pride for me. I got that much adored rush of dopamine every time I stuck a knife, and when I had nothing else to do, I’d practice. It was better than staring into the desert and the unchanging routine.
Even with that to occupy my time, I found myself growing disinterested with the whole endeavor. I found it wasteful to have such skills and no need of them, and I saw no change in that. Change would likely mean war, and while I was eager to have more on my plate, war didn’t interest me either.
In the end, I saw but one path to fulfillment. An honorable discharge and a train out of Norway.
For some time, I traveled. It had been almost a year of drifting from city to city. At times, I’d take on odd jobs. I’d worked as a waitress, a bouncer and a bartender. It was a varied lifestyle that gave me what I was looking for. Europe isn’t like North America. North America is so full and busy. It’s so much bigger, but it feels like there’s so much less there. In Europe, there’s a beauty in the empty spaces. The small forgettable towns and the narrow lonely roads by the sea. For a time, that was what made me happy. New cities. New sights. New men and women in my bed. I don’t suppose I realized that a certain boredom had set in until after it had all passed. Maybe that means I left it all behind at the perfect time.
We met in Rome. His hotel was across from mine and we’d see each other on occasion as we returned to our rooms. It wasn’t until one night when we happened to run into each other in a bar when we first spoke.
His name was Leland Taylor. I called him Lee. He had kind eyes and a shy smile. He wore his hair in dreadlocks to be just like his Father. A Father who’d come to Canada from Barbados with nothing, and worked every day of his life to give Lee a half decent life.
“I thought that by becoming a soldier boy, I might make him proud.” He told me on the night we met. I hadn’t figured him for a soldier.
“How did that work out for you?” I asked, almost teasing.
“I think he was worried I was gonna go and get myself killed.” Lee admitted sheepishly, “Ah, but he was alright in the end. When he heard I was getting out, he took me for dinner and told me he was proud of who I’d become. I almost started crying.” He laughed, a carefree, boyish laugh.
“What about you?” He asked, “How long have you been out?”
I raised an eyebrow at him.
“What makes you think I was ever in?” I asked.
“The walls are pretty thin. I’m an early riser. It’s just hard wired into me now. I can hear you up and about too. Same time every morning, just like me. Don’t think I didn’t notice those dog tags either.”
They were hidden beneath my dress, but I admired the fact that he’d noticed.
“Not long.” I confessed, “Almost a year, roughly. I thought I’d travel a bit before I went back to Norway.”
“Ah, so that’s where you’re from! I’ve been trying to figure it out all night.” Lee said. I smiled back at him.
“I’m from the Netherlands.” I said, “We moved to Norway when I was young, to be closer to my Mother’s family. My Father was fine with it. He was a fisherman by trade. He was happy as long as there was a coastline.” I cracked a smile at the memory of him.
“Ah. Sounds like you’ve got a hell of a story, Miss…?”
“DeJong. Call me Trijn.” Lee smiled.
“Alright. Trijn.” He said it perfectly. No mistakes. None of the usual butchering I typically heard from English speakers. “Maybe you can tell me more over another drink.”
“Back at the hotel, I assume?” I asked. “Wherever you want.” He seemed sincere in it too.
Lee didn’t make the first move. He flirted, but he let me come to him. I appreciated that. I’ve never liked my lovers to be aggressive. I’ve always had more than enough to go around. As we lay in my bed afterwards, he trailed kisses along my back, his fingers ghosting along my skin.
“You know…” He said softly, “If you don’t have a next destination in mind, I’m headed to France in a couple of days. I wouldn’t mind the company.”
I looked back at him, into those kindly eyes.
“I don’t think I would.” I said, “If you’re inviting me, that is.”
“Well, I could think of worse ways to enjoy Paris.” He leaned in for a kiss that I gladly reciprocated.

Paris was a dream come true. Together, we were like two old souls reunited at last. We navigated the city like tourists, admiring the sights. We sampled the fine cuisine and at night, danced beneath the moon. We had the money to live like a King and a Queen, and so we did. For over a month, we coasted on our bank accounts. I could recount every little adventure, but to do so might bring me to tears, remembering what once was. No… Best to move on.
As our time in Paris ended, Lee offered me the only thing he could that would provide the perfect ending to our adventure. As we walked back from a party we hadn’t been invited to, he reached into his jacket pocket.
“I’ve been trying to think of the best time to give this to you.” He sighed, and I glanced over at him, wondering what he meant. He was drunk, but not so much so that he didn’t know what he was doing. He’d clearly been thinking on this for some time. The box he removed from his jacket caught my eye, as did the sparkling diamond inside.
“Marry me?” He asked. In hindsight, it seemed too casual. But in the moment, it was perfect. My heart raced in my chest. I stared at him, and though I had already made my choice, I tried to talk myself out of it.
I kissed him and against his lips, I whispered my reply.
“Yes.”
Smiling warmly, Lee took the ring out of the box and gently fitted it onto my finger. Our lips met again and again and he took me in his arms, holding me closely.
Our wedding was nothing spectacular. I returned to Toronto with him, and we had a simple ceremony with only family invited. Mine came down for the occasion, and although I know that many were unsure of our whirlwind courtship, I was not. Years later, I still do not regret my decision. I made many mistakes in the following years, but marrying Lee was not one of them.

We settled into new lives. I took a job as a librarian while he became a mechanic at a shady little garage. Our small lives didn’t bother us. We pieced together something that was ours and we were comfortable! Though we had chosen to live large in Paris, we were content without such luxuries. Although when the boredom inevitably came again, it struck us both. Neither of us said it. We didn’t need to. But it was still there. We began to try for a baby. It wasn’t a conscious thing we agreed upon. The sex was spontanious but meaningful. Done with purpose. We discussed names and a future. We each knew what the other wanted. But despite the effort, it did not kill the boredom. That need for stimulation.

I remember I’d recently gotten home from work when I found Lee sitting on the couch. He was quiet and the TV was off. I knew he was troubled, and the look on his face made it clear he had something to tell me.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
“Well, the Garages owner came up to me today. He started asking some questions.” “About?”
“Apparently, he and a ‘friend’ were talking about hitmen… Someone his ‘friend’ knows is offering money for a couple of jobs. Apparently they want some French guy dead.”
I raised an eyebrow and put a hand on his thigh.
“What? Was he asking you to do it?”
“I think he was gauging my interest.” Lee said, “I mean… From the sounds of it, it’s just a spat between two Gangs, right? It ends with one less thug on the streets and a lot of money going to whoever does it.”
“How much money?” I asked.
“Fifteen thousand.”
That gave me pause.
Lee and I weren’t struggling, although we’d had some discussions about what our finances might look like when a baby had entered the picture. I hadn’t mentioned it to Lee yet either, but I’d begun to suspect I was getting morning sickness. Time would prove it to be nothing, but in the moment it influenced my thought process.
“It would be useful.” Lee murmured. “He knows I’m ex military, so… I dunno… But… Could I even do it?”
“Are you thinking of doing it?” I asked. He looked at me. I saw fear. Fear that I’d be angry, but I wasn’t. I was intrigued. During my days as a soldier, I had killed. There had been a couple of attacks, and I’d done what I needed to do. Killing isn’t a big deal when that’s what you’re trained for. The realization only set in after the fight was finished. The moment itself had not been so dramatic. I had pointed my rifle and pulled the trigger. A man had fallen over. I’m sure he hadn’t even noticed me. It had been impersonal and hadn’t bothered me much at all. I knew Lee had killed too. We’d discussed it once. I knew it weighed heavier on him than it did on me, and like he’d said… one less thug on the streets. “I don’t know.” Lee said, “Maybe…”
“I could do it.” I said. He looked at me. He knew I was serious.
“I know.” He said and he paused, “We could do it together… It would be easier.”
To that, I agreed.

The next day, I went to Lee’s shop after work. The garage was closed down, but Lee sat with three men in pressed suits in the break room. The one who spoke was named Ben Case. He was a slick looking man with greased back hair. He talked fast, and sometimes needed to slow himself down. I got the impression he’d had a stutter as he grew up, and he’d never really gotten treatment for it.
“The man we’re after is named Pierre Roy. He’s been a pain in our ass for a while now. We don’t want anything dramatic. Just find an opening and get rid of him.”
He pushed a picture over to Lee. The man it displayed was balding with stubble covering the lower half of his face. I stared thoughtfully at it, as Lee went through the papers they’d provided on Roy’s details.
“Where do we find him?” I asked, looking over at Case.
“Roy likes to frequent a little club called the Trixie. He’s there just about every Saturday night. I know his friend owns the place. But we’re not interested in harming him or causing a scene there. Don’t do it at the Trixie.”
“Understood.” I said softly, and pushed the photo over to Lee so he could have a look. “On the subject of pay. We were promised Fifteen grand.”
“Yes.” Case waved over one of his associates and they reached into their pocket, taking out a large roll of cash.
“We’ll pay five up front. The rest when we confirm that Roy is dead.”
Five grand seemed fair.
Lee looked over at me, leaving the decision in my hands. Perhaps that was a mistake on his part...
“Consider him dead.” I replied, “But first, we’ll need supplies.”
Case was happy to oblige us.

We followed Roy home from the Trixie that Saturday night. We’d worn dark clothes and covered our faces in case any cameras were watching. We drove an unlicensed car from the shop that Case had provided. As per my request, we had also been provided with Kevlar and unregistered silenced MP5 SMGs. My logic was that a group of Quebecois Mobsters would be more likely to expect a bombing or poisoning. Perhaps a thug with a handgun if Case’s friends were desperate. What they wouldn’t expect was a full on assault. The plan was to move fast and hit hard. A tried and true strategy that I’d practiced countless times during my years in the Military.
We parked our car across the street from the building, and Lee called Roy’s Penthouse posing as a deliveryman. As predicted, Roy sent someone down to investigate. The lone guard went through the apartment door, and I dispatched him with a single shot to the head. Lee was waiting nearby to loot the body and drag it off the street, into a nearby alley where he left it in a dumpster.
Using the guards keys, we gained access to the building and took the elevator up towards Roys penthouse. His security was far more lax than I’d been expecting. Upon leaving the elevator, we hit them with a flashbang we’d requested from Case. It enabled us to pick off Roy’s security at our leisure. The man himself raised his hands and cried out for surrender. I put a bullet in his head without a second thought. Once all targets were down, we left. From the time Lee had placed the call to the time we drove off in our car, ten minutes had passed. Whatever Police investigation there was turned up nothing. I remember following it on the news. But aside from a few brief mentions, nothing came of it. Roy was soon forgotten and Case was thrilled. It wasn’t long before he reached out to us again for another job. There was less reluctance to accept that one. It was a similar task. A kill job on a French Mobster, and we utilized a similar strategy.

By the time the third job came, it was becoming routine.

Case would always meet with us in private at the shop. He never spoke our names. I think he didn’t know them. I suspect ‘Ben Case’ wasn’t his real name either. One could never be too careful in his line of work. I never learned much about him. I suspected his employers to be the Tallinn Corporation, an alleged Estonian crime group. But Case never explicitly confirmed that. He began referring to us as Baron and Baroness. I can’t rightly say where the titles came from. Perhaps he’d just made them up. It worked in place of actual names.
I won’t lie and say a part of me didn’t enjoy the work. I didn’t enjoy murder. It was cold and impersonal to me. But the planning, the satisfaction of a clean op… That was fulfilling. That was something I could never get bored of. I reasoned that this was the only job that Lee and I could have truly excelled at. We were soldiers by trade. We were trained to be killers, and why waste that training?
When the real morning sickness began to take hold, I was almost sorry. I hid it from Lee as long as I can, even after I knew I was pregnant. But I couldn’t hide it forever.
We had our first argument over whether or not I could still participate in our operations. Lee won. He insisted I not endanger our child, but as a compromise, still let me help plan them. We were a team after all, and we worked best as a team. During my pregnancy I put my effort into planning. I was already better at it than Lee was, and I set up my ops to minimize risk to Lee. I couldn’t have our child growing up without a Father after all.
Ruby Taylor was born on September 1st. She did not cry. She slept peacefully, and she was perfect in every way. She had Lee’s kind eyes and I loved her all the more for that. I prayed she’d have the rest of his best qualities too. The moment the doctors first let me hold her, I knew I would do anything for her. Anything at all. I couldn’t let her go at first. She was mine to protect. She couldn’t be out of my sight. It got easier as time went on, but not by much.
Case was kind enough to allow us some time away from our operations to deal with our newborn. He even sent us a card. For a few precious months, my life was perfect. I had become a Mother and Lee was by my side. I felt fulfilled and I had money. What could possibly go wrong? When Case offered us our next job, I insisted I be a part of it. The details came in a letter left in Lee’s locker at work. He sat on his kitchen table, reading over it as I fed young Ruby.
“Who is it this time?” I asked. “More Quebecois?”
“Russian, actually.” Lee replied, “Not sure what he’s doing here. I thought Case worked with the Russians.”
“Estonians, darling. The Tallinn Corporation is Estonian.”
Lee waved his hand and I spooned some applesauce into Ruby’s mouth.
“Same thing. The Soviets. Remember that guy from three weeks ago? Moe something or another…”
“I do.” I took the picture of the target away from Lee. The man depicted in it was young, blonde and had a charming smile.
“Well, Case didn’t give us much but seems like our Russian friend might be a defector who was feeding information to Moe. That guy was paying for private security. A downtown apartment, the whole nine yards. It’s gonna be tough.”
The name on the picture read ‘Dimitri Popov’. I passed it back to him.
“Then we’ll do it together. We can watch each others backs.”
“What about Ruby?” Lee asked, “One of us has to watch her.”
“We’ll call a sitter.” I said, “Say it’s a date night. We could use a break and I’m starting to miss the chase.”
I smiled at Lee and he weakly smiled back. He knew how I was.
“Fine. But we play it safe. No risks.”
“We always do.” I replied, “Now… Tell me about the apartment.”
We spent much of the next day planning our attack. My initial thought was to try and find a line of sight. Lee knew his way around a long ranged weapon quite well, and I imagined we could make quick work of the target.
The apartment was by the lakeshore however, which granted us limited options on approach. As the surrounding buildings were residential, it would be difficult to set up a sniper rifle in one of them without being noticed. We decided it would be too difficult to pull off a long ranged kill.
Neither of us were great with explosives and we didn’t like the risk of collateral damage. Plus, the target seemed to never leave his apartment.
No, the best option was a frontal assault. The same type we’d done countless times.
On that evening, we dressed for the hunt. Kevlar beneath our clothes and dark masks to hide our faces.
The Quebecois security had long since become privy to our usual tricks to sneak in. A distracting phone call would just put them on high alert. We needed something more than that.
Earlier in the day, we had scouted out the building and found a back door by the dumpster that we could likely break without being noticed. We carried a standard glass breaker with us and it made short work of the small window in that door. Afterwards, it was just a matter of reaching through the window and letting ourselves in.
We ascended the stairs quietly. There was one guard up there. Clearly the guards were on patrol. We’d need to kill quickly and silently if we wanted to be undetected.
Lee made a sound to lure the guard down while I stayed beneath the stairs, out of sight. I waited until I had a visual, before coming up behind him and slitting his throat. I took his walkie talkie in order to monitor what little chatter there was between the security team, then we headed up the stairs, and made our way to the apartment. No one else checked in. I assumed that the bulk of the guards were upstairs. We made our way to the eighth floor via the stairs before checking the hall. No obvious guards there, but I knew there was obviously more to it.
Most likely, the entire floor was dedicated to Dimitri’s private security.
“Now what?” Lee asked.
“Flush them out.” I replied. I took the walkie talkie I’d stolen.
“Security breach. They’re coming up the elevators!” I said.
I heard countless muffled replies and moments later, I saw the apartment doors open. Men rushed out, heading down the hall towards the apartment, their backs to us.
Like fish in a barrel.
Lee and I entered the hall together and opened fire. By the time the men knew what was happening, we’d already decimated them. It wasn’t much of a fight.
As the last guard fell, having barely gotten off a shot, Lee and I approached the apartment number we’d been provided.
823.
Lee stopped by one of the bodies and searched it for a key ring. Sure enough he found one. I watched his back as he tried the different keys and opened the door at last. We pressed ourselves against the walls beside the door before he threw it open. I threw a flashbang inside.
As it detonated, I heard feminine screams and swearing in Russian. Lee entered first, spotting Dimitri standing in his living room. Two guards stood on either side of him. Lee fired three bullets into Dimiti’s chest, and I aimed for the heads of the guards.
In seconds, all three were on the ground and we advanced towards the bodies.
“Dead.” Lee said, “We’re done here.”
He turned to leave before stopping suddenly. I was about to ask what was wrong when I saw it.
In the corner was a pink castle with barbies dropped around it. Lee was staring at that.
Then I heard it.
Sobbing. Children sobbing, coming from the kitchen. I headed over to the sound, and there I found them. Two blonde little girls hiding under the counter, tears in their eyes. “Nyet! No!” Said the older one. I watched as she put her younger sister behind her. Shielding her from harm. But I couldn’t raise my gun.
I had killed many men and women in my life… That was what I was trained to do. But I was never asked to kill children. I wouldn’t.
Those eyes… Those big green eyes reminded me of Ruby’s. They reminded me of my own.
“We should go.” Lee said.
I nodded and turned to leave. My heart was racing. For the first time, I felt a pit in my stomach… I felt the guilt of what I’d done.
Who had Dimitri Popov been? Why had he defected?
I needed to know.
As we stepped out into the hall, I watched the elevator doors open. I expected more guards, or Police, but instead the man who walked through was Ben Case.
Case walked with a confident stride. He seemed undisturbed by the bodies.
“You’re still here?” He asked, “I would’ve thought you’d be long gone by now.”
“We were just leaving.” Lee said as Case drew near. He paused, smiling confidently.
“Glad to hear. Stellar work, Mr. Baron. As always. I’ll make sure you’re compensated.”
“What about the children?” I asked as I pulled my mask off.
Case raised an eyebrow at me.
“Oh… You left them alive?”
I felt a small spike of rage in my stomach.
“You didn’t mention anything about children.” I said. Case continued to stare at me. Unconcerned.
“I didn’t think it was important. Anyways, if you left them alive, I’m sure we can find a use for them. I have a friend who runs a little side gig. He’s got a lot of clients who like ‘em young.”
Case brushed past us and entered the apartment. I watched him with wide, mortified eyes as I realized what he meant.
“Mr. Case, you can’t be serious.” I said as I followed him back into the apartment. Case looked back at me, then at the two cowering children in the kitchen.
“Lady, stay out of it. You do your job and I do mine. That’s how the business works. This is what you signed up for.”
“I didn’t sign up to sell children, Mr. Case!” I took a step forwards and found myself staring down the barrel of a gun.
“Simmer down. I like you two more as a duo. Let’s keep it that way.” He warned, and looked over at Lee behind me. I could feel his rage at my back.
“Your job is done. Get out of here. I’m a busy man and I need to see just how much this piece of shit cost us by blabbing off to the French. If you didn’t want me to sell the kids, you should’ve put a bullet in their heads. That’s the job.”
“Not our job.” Lee growled. He moved and Case aimed the gun at him. I pushed his arm to the side, forcing his shot to miss.
Case swung the gun, clipping me on the side of the head and Lee crashed into him, throwing him across the room.
He glanced at the kids and cried out.
“RUN!”
The two little girls didn’t need to be told twice. They ran and I heard a gunshot. Lee went down onto a knee, letting out a cry of pain. I glanced at Case and fired my gun at him. But Case was already on the move. He dashed down the hallway of the apartment and my gun clicked as the clip ran empty.
“Lee!”
I ran to his side and found him struggling to pick himself up.
“It’s in my leg… Fucker…” He growled, “I’ll handle it. I’m alright…” I helped him move into a sitting position.
“Cover the door.” I said, pushing his SMG over to him. “I’m going for Case.”
“What? No!” Lee tried to grab me but I was already gone, pursuing him down the hall of the apartment.
I didn’t need to go far. I saw only a split second of movement before Case fired at me. That was enough time. His bullet was buried uselessly into the drywall.
“I’m pretty sure I heard a click.” He said, “Sorry Miss Baroness… But looks like I’m the one with the gun.”
“You think that’s enough?” I asked him, “You’ve seen what I can do. Do you think it will really stop me?”
I heard his footsteps. Uncertainty. He was debating if he should look for a hiding spot or not. That is the natural instinct of prey. To flee.
“They’re just kids.” He said, “You think they’d be the first? What did you think we were doing, sweetheart? Selling girl scout cookies? Sex sells, and the Estonians do it better than anyone else! This is the business. This is what we do! This is what we are! You’re just as much a part of it as I am! All those people you killed, all the shit you’ve done. It was paving the way for us. You helped us grow! So do me a favor and drop the fucking Holier than Thou act, and let’s discuss this like reasonable people!”
I listened to his every word and I knew that he was right. Whatever the Estonians were building in Toronto, I had helped them do it. Even if I didn’t know the nature of what they were doing, I had known it had been something terrible. But in my fervor, I hadn’t cared. All that had mattered was the thrill of the hunt. The cold mechanical application of my skills.
Ben Case was a monster… but so was I.
“You’re right.” I said, I could hear myself laughing, “Oh, Mr. Case… you’ve changed my mind. I see it now. You and I, we’re both beasts.”
I heard him exhale. A sigh of relief. Hope that I could be reasoned with.
“But there is no reason amongst beasts, Mr. Case. Only Predator and Prey.”
I could feel the knife in my hands. I could feel my muscles moving. As soon as I appeared out of cover, I kept low. I heard the gun go off, but the bullet did not hit me. He stumbled backwards, terrified of me as I approached him. He fired blindly up at the ceiling as I came for him.
My knife scraped his throat but did not kill. My body slammed into Case’s. He was thrown into the bedroom and landed on the bed. I brought the knife down to where his head was supposed to be, only for it to penetrate the mattress. Like the scared animal he was, Case scrambled for escape. He looked back at me, gun still in his hands and fired twice. I felt the bullets strike me in the chest, absorbed by the kevlar. It hurt, but it did not dull my hunger. It only stalled me.
Desperate for escape, Case sprinted down the hall. I saw him raising the gun, and I knew he was aiming at Lee. It would only take one well placed shot to kill him. One well placed shot for him to escape.
It was a risk I could not allow.
With a practiced arm, I threw my knife. It soared through the hall and buried itself in the back of Case’s neck. I saw his legs fail beneath him as he collapsed.
I approached Case slowly, watching as his limbs still twitched. He wasn’t dead yet. But he might as well have been. The blood was already pooling around his body. I’d hit an artery. His eyes focused on me, wild and fearful in his last moments. Then came the end. Stillness. Death.
Lee stared at the corpse, SMG in his hand. He’d bandaged his wound a bit with a torn sleeve. He looked up at me, but didn’t say a word.

It wasn’t until after we’d set the fire that we spoke. As I helped him down he stairs with the sound of the fire alarm going off around us, we didn’t say a word. Not until we were back in the car.
“When they find out what we’ve done, the Estonians won’t be happy.” Lee said.
“I know.” I replied, “I’m not sure what to do about that…”
Lee sighed, looking back at me.
“We could lie. We could say that one of the guards pulled some kind of stunt and killed Case when he showed up. Maybe we can control the narrative.”
“And do what, keep working for them?” I asked, “No… If we quit, especially after this. They’ll figure it out. And I won’t keep doing jobs for the likes of them. Never again.”
I glanced over at Lee and saw a reluctance on his face. I hated him for that.
“We have to.” He said, “You’re right. They’ll catch on if we quit… They’ll kill us.”
They’d kill Ruby.
We drove in silence for a bit longer as I tried to see a future. But I couldn’t.
I couldn’t work with the Estonians. But I couldn’t endanger my family by leaving…
“What if I was dead.” I finally said, and Lee looked back over at me.
“What do you mean? Like… a suicide pact?”
“No. Tell the Estonians I died in the fire. Say the op went wrong. But as far as they’re concerned. I’m dead. I’m no longer accessible to them.”
“And what about me?” Lee asked.
“They’ll still have you… And so will I. This problem only exists so long as The Tallinn Corporation does. What if we took them out?”
“Trijn, you’re talking about a massive, multinational organization! I don’t think you can take them out!”
“Well, at least kept them out of Toronto. Case told me we’d helped build their presence in Toronto up… That’s not something I can live with. Not unless I tear it down.”
Lee stared at me, unsure what I was saying.
“We can tell them I’m dead. I’ll live somewhere else, I’ll change my name. Whatever I have to do. And I’ll fight them. I’ll tear them apart brick by brick! I’ll undo the damage! And you can stay inside… you can lie to them, I can’t. You can tell me where to target. What to do to hurt them the most. You can be my eyes.”
Lee was silent.
“And what about Ruby?” He asked.
I’d been dreading that question.
“Maybe it’s better if I’m not around her…” I said, “At least for now. She’s only a target if the Estonians figure out that I’m alive, and you can keep her safe.”
Lee didn’t agree with it… Not at first at least. But I’d already made up my mind.
My sins had allowed a monster into Toronto. I would never rest until I’d beaten it back, even if I lost my place in my daughters life for a few years.
I deserved to be punished, and so I would be.
***
That was twenty six years ago, and the Tallinn Corporation still exists in Toronto. They have proven far more difficult an enemy than I could have imagined. But I’ve never given up the fight. I have done all I can to disrupt their operations and stop them from victimizing more innocent people. I help their enemies, and I torment their friends. Some days I worry that it’s not enough, but I still try. I have to. They still call me ‘The Baroness’ but they have forgotten its origin. It’s likely that the origin died with Mr. Case.
I have never spoken to Ruby. But I have watched her grow. Lee tells me she’s a strong, wonderful young woman. I know he’d have raised her right. Sometimes, I’ll sit in my car down the street from my old house, and I’ll watch as Lee and Ruby work in the garage together, repairing his old Dodge Challenger. He says that she looks a lot me, and I suppose I can see it. Mostly in her eyes. There’s an intensity to her stare that I recognize from my youth. He says she’s just like I was, when I was younger.
I hope she’s better.
Sometimes I fantasize about meeting her. I imagine the words I’d say as I apologized for being absent from her life for so long. I can never quite find the right words to say. I can’t imagine what she must think of me, or how she’d react. If it were me, I wouldn’t be so forgiving. Maybe I don’t deserve to be forgiven.
I’m not who I was. Now I am getting old and tired. The fight gets harder and harder every day. The Estonians are getting stronger. But they no longer scare me.
They are scared of me.
submitted by HeadOfSpectre to libraryofshadows [link] [comments]


2019.01.03 14:38 areohdeee Memes Gear - zawchlqpbdwuvixkmn - Meme Merch.

Meme Gear! Memes Merch CHEAP AND FREE SHIPPING on Ebay and Etsy!!!! -------->>

https://www.etsy.com/listing/651963445/bongo-cat-kitty-meme-keychain-memes-key?ypodnagsb 1234534563443
Reid Moore meme green program back up program North Bradfordview Intelligent Steel Chips Awesome Gloves Upsized dedicated Meme Gear thoughts and prayers twitter social media mass shooting gun control Chelsie Windler meme mint green application compress application Adamsport Generic Cotton Table Ergonomic Mouse Streamlined heuristic Meme Gear slang british mate u what m8 you what australian expression 3 entry of may 2012 comment comments slangs of 2012 mlg reaction image Dana Bergnaum meme olive feed connect feed Gerholdville Licensed Concrete Pants Sleek Sausages Mandatory realtime Meme Gear it up craig need for speed rivals craigitup underground 3 blackpanthaa Dr Lura Wisoky meme ivory card generate card Pourosmouth Handmade Wooden Bike Handmade Chicken Recontextualized mobile Meme Gear none Pedro Jacobs meme indigo card override card Sarahville Fantastic Rubber Pizza Incredible Fish Rightsized faulttolerant Meme Gear xici feng yufeng sister yuefeng chinese mop china Austen Bosco meme red interface input interface Port Julietport Refined Wooden Car Ergonomic Keyboard Multichannelled mobile Meme Gear russian new years steklovata dancing awkward orphans estonian russia christmas General Doyle meme lavender monitor override monitor Port Alfreda Tasty Fresh Computer Refined Bacon Secured encompassing Meme Gear celebrity death conspiracy actress Winfield Oberbrunner MD meme violet system transmit system South Sadye Fantastic Plastic Shirt Awesome Shoes Customizable bidirectional Meme Gear julien misogyny blanc Owen Parisian meme tan pixel bypass pixel Medhurstmouth Small Soft Car Refined Sausages Inverse bifurcated Meme Gear star wars science fiction movie quotes may the force Nicolette Kuhic meme orange protocol input protocol Milanport Refined Fresh Tuna Practical Bike Crossgroup encompassing Meme Gear microsoft windows os promotional video windows 7 Miss Okey Volkman meme azure driver generate driver New Gregoriahaven Handcrafted Metal Sausages Intelligent Chips Customizable next generation Meme Gear interruptor image macros motivational poster thousands of them Lenna Nienow meme indigo array index array Chandlerfort Incredible Frozen Gloves Small Keyboard Organized methodical Meme Gear humblebrag twitter Mr William OConnell meme indigo microchip navigate microchip Lake Flaviotown Incredible Fresh Keyboard Refined Fish Horizontal realtime Meme Gear sad negative style rage i dont think so brazil meme Joanne Auer meme blue driver navigate driver Lindchester Handmade Concrete Table Small Car Organized clearthinking Meme Gear bad funny one line jokes Gabe Doyle meme teal feed copy feed East Edward Handcrafted Cotton Chair Intelligent Shoes Rightsized zero defect Meme Gear spongebob squarepants hype hype train video games bubblestand josejp spanish memes en espanol Miss Roxane Miller meme red pixel input pixel Lake Stantonland Licensed Concrete Ball Generic Pants Enhanced modular Meme Gear high tail hall hth hth studios furry furries Candida Huels Jr meme grey firewall connect firewall Emmettown Generic Frozen Towels Incredible Tuna Multilayered dedicated Meme Gear meme mlg sample text montage parodies sony vegas pro Kavon Hand meme plum program hack program Zionton Rustic Cotton Chicken Handcrafted Fish Devolved empowering Meme Gear capcom street fighter fighting game video game title gaming subculture Reyna Lesch meme purple interface synthesize interface Isacshire Incredible Cotton Cheese Ergonomic Pizza Networked evenkeeled Meme Gear ups truck unexplainable sewingmachine tux tuxedo absurd single character image macros accident Dorothy Zieme meme orange program back up program South Thoraville Handcrafted Concrete Pants Practical Mouse Adaptive coherent Meme Gear savagerealm instagram waffle medium waffle twitter Joyce Roberts meme violet port calculate port East Ulises Generic Cotton Car Gorgeous Shoes Streamlined valueadded Meme Gear donald trump first lady white house Lera Dach meme teal driver hack driver Domingohaven Incredible Metal Cheese Practical Chips Synchronised realtime Meme Gear twitter obama photo meme jihad conservative liberal Lemuel Schowalter meme ivory array transmit array Runolfssonbury Small Soft Mouse Handcrafted Chair Advanced homogeneous Meme Gear character ironic puns shrek farquad some of you may die wad lord farquad farquaad is love lord wad Ms Bill Konopelski meme green capacitor reboot capacitor East Athenaport Generic Metal Towels Intelligent Salad Selfenabling asynchronous Meme Gear 4chan youtube s4s remix parody music song Dariana Bogisich meme olive transmitter hack transmitter West Violamouth Gorgeous Fresh Chair Rustic Ball Digitized 247 Meme Gear personality stereotype drake black twitter Watson Cruickshank meme turquoise protocol program protocol East Rex Tasty Frozen Bacon Practical Salad Realigned stable Meme Gear bungie flame war banpocolypse Mervin Fadel meme white driver navigate driver New Generalchester Ergonomic Soft Tuna Refined Mouse Managed bottomline Meme Gear fandom tumblr sleepy hollow fall 2014 Lennie Haley meme silver array connect array West Clementside Gorgeous Soft Towels Refined Soap Userfriendly tertiary Meme Gear career job profession survey Michelle Grady meme lavender interface navigate interface New Hailey Small Granite Table Ergonomic Chair Cloned 5th generation Meme Gear eminem trump bet freestyle hip hop awards Kristina OHara meme teal driver index driver South Jodyberg Fantastic Rubber Mouse Sleek Chicken Frontline clientdriven Meme Gear homework twitter copy Edwin Schaefer meme ivory hard drive copy hard drive Opalport Refined Concrete Computer Handcrafted Chips Exclusive systemworthy Meme Gear 4chan final fantasy Chesley Nikolaus meme purple bus quantify bus Port Elviefort Generic Soft Pants Fantastic Bike Opensource neutral Meme Gear australia movie quotes twitter Emmanuel Nitzsche meme fuchsia array calculate array South Destin Handmade Fresh Table Awesome Salad Ameliorated highlevel Meme Gear mobile emoticon emotion smiley face emoji exhibition Kariane Willms meme red bus copy bus North Arielle Incredible Granite Car Intelligent Bacon Ameliorated fullrange Meme Gear kid juice Mr Henry Kuhlman meme orchid application index application Issacburgh Handmade Fresh Fish Ergonomic Bike Progressive contentbased Meme Gear lol trolling a typemoon tsukihime shiki servants powerlevel jp Gaylord Hagenes meme cyan circuit bypass circuit Lake Mateo Refined Rubber Chicken Gorgeous Salad Configurable global Meme Gear I am a braver man than you Sherman Pfannerstill meme blue sensor synthesize sensor Magdalenaberg Rustic Fresh Chicken Incredible Hat Multilayered zero defect Meme Gear planned parenthood center for medical progress abortion fetal body parts sell deborah nucatola prolife prochoice Peter Terry meme purple array back up array South Domenick Handmade Soft Cheese Licensed Mouse Reengineered composite Meme Gear celebrity reality television kim kardashian Lucinda White meme magenta transmitter copy transmitter Labadiemouth Awesome Cotton Soap Awesome Fish Phased ecocentric Meme Gear majiresu 2chan futaba channel japan photoshop collage pixiv unforgiven angle macedonia flag Denis Jacobi meme orange application connect application North Cortneytown Awesome Plastic Shirt Fantastic Keyboard Inverse asymmetric Meme Gear fail ms paint creepypasta rake Winston Auer meme fuchsia alarm copy alarm Port Cecile Generic Wooden Tuna Gorgeous Keyboard Ergonomic national Meme Gear anime music video game game manly super robot wars anim Luis Kuhlman meme teal matrix generate matrix Monahanland Practical Metal Tuna Generic Shirt Diverse background Meme Gear swagg Malika Kirlin meme violet alarm copy alarm New Kileyburgh Handmade Cotton Gloves Rustic Table Functionbased empowering Meme Gear music wrong lyrics image macro mondegreen notables of 2011 super bowl us anthem Chandler Bartell meme lavender panel index panel West Zellatown Handcrafted Metal Sausages Small Computer Diverse foreground Meme Gear youtube video meme tag chubby bunny craze Rae Wunsch meme white array transmit array Connhaven Refined Rubber Tuna Fantastic Salad Usercentric bandwidthmonitored Meme Gear cooking bills appointments adult grown up grownup Teagan Emard meme indigo bus navigate bus Gerlachfort Practical Wooden Shirt Unbranded Salad Grassroots zero defect Meme Gear no friends alone musician band skills hippie retro multitask wow loser hair Donavon Muller meme black pixel compress pixel Mayertstad Practical Metal Ball Sleek Hat Organized zero administration Meme Gear new yorker story dating female women twitter not interested men men not understanding women Elijah Quitzon meme fuchsia sensor bypass sensor Rueckerside Refined Plastic Ball Practical Chair Frontline maximized Meme Gear ad advertisement controversy fat shaming body acceptance physical fitness Dr Berry Greenfelder meme purple microchip quantify microchip Runteburgh Generic Wooden Pizza Generic Salad Visionoriented foreground Meme Gear 4chan raid youtube luke taylor super weegee lukeywes1234 lukey luigi Betty Wiza MD meme cyan port connect port North Rodolfo Practical Fresh Ball Rustic Ball Progressive next generation Meme Gear team twilight jacob eduard -
submitted by areohdeee to MemeGear [link] [comments]


2017.09.22 21:56 Obmed Possible translations of Garalina

So, I tried typing Garalina in Google Translator and switching to random languages. It seems Garalina as a whole word doesn't get much results, so I put a space between the 'gara' and 'lina', tried to reverse it and did the same.
Here:
Garalina means hears in Estonian. (The only translation of the whole word I found)
Gara lina in greek is ‘The lina train station’, gara being the train station, and lina being... lina?
In Zulu and Xhosa it means ‘stay still’.
In Estonian it means ‘long linen’.
In Corsican and Basque in means ‘we are’.
Garalina backwards is anilarag.
Ani in romanian/greek is ‘years’, while larag in the same language means 'nothing'
Ani Larag in Azerbaijiani is ‘suddenly’.
Larag in Cebuano is ‘Autumn’.
Gara is race in Italian (or other things related to competition)
I tried.
Edit: Okay, now I'm going to try to find out what all these translations mean.
Long Linen searched on google shows images of clothing, mainly for women.
'Stay still' means, well, stay still. Don't move.
'We are' is an interesting one. It reminds me of when Petscop said 'we' instead of 'I' multiple times. Also, there is a song called "We Are" by Hollywoof Undead. Go look up the lyrics. They're kind of relevant to this (not sure though).
'Years' means what it is. Years.
Nothing also means what it means. Nothing.
'Suddenly' is suddenly.
'Autumn' is, well, Autumn. Not sure if this overlaps with some date mentioned in Petscop. Probably does.
'Race' is a race.
submitted by Obmed to Petscop [link] [comments]


2017.09.04 13:03 Janjibaaar Hooking up with an Estonian Girl

Tere, I've been to Tallinn for a month and I am really enjoying my stay. I've got to say you've got pretty good looking women here and boy they know how to dress.
I know this is not a dating sub or anything (delete it if its inappropriate) but I was wondering about the ways I could date Estonian women maybe. They seemed pretty reserved and it feels scary to approach them.Can you guys suggest me the ways I can get in touch with them without culturally creeping them out? I am a South Asian looking guy, do Estonian girls have imparities against people of our race?
tänään
submitted by Janjibaaar to Eesti [link] [comments]


2016.10.08 20:46 JR-butterfly random Pines family quotes translated into Google Translate

I took random quotes from the Pines Family (I'm following random Gravity Falls character quotes on Twitter) and translated them to macedonian dutch spanish frensh portuguese indonesian norwegian estonian swedish finnish arabic mongolian icelandic lao yiddish and back to english
If you're calling? Your level? I have no phone. It allows you to buy! We can not do it by credit card. This makes it possible to get a credit card!
M-When are you gonna call? You wanna call now? I don't have a phone. Let's buy a phone! We can put it on a credit card. Let's get a credit card!
Now I have the pictures to enter the water in reading hands.
S-Now I'm going to avoid making eye contact by pretending to read this newspaper and going to the bathroom without washing my hands.
I mean, why tempt fate? This really makes the place ... but ...?
d-All I'm saying is, why tempt the fates? I mean.. What if this place really is... haunted?
I spent scratch usually important, I can not say.
s-Usually, I spend the hour aggressively scratching myself in places I shouldn't mention.
"My father is 12 dr'll this leads to favorable given further training."
f-"Dipper I have 12 PHD's your parents would be thrilled I could give you such an advanced education."
You have to play, right? Certificates must be equal. If you want, I do not know can not help you.
d-You're kidding, right? There must be evidence, motives. You know, I could help if you want.
This is really strange. If you do not sleep. Good night.
s-That was strangely candid. Almost as if I am unable to lie. Well, good night.
F lower than your partner will be, then you really need to reduce the rate and live longer than men.
m-Also women live longer than men so your dating pool is smaller and you should really lower your standards.
What is that? Who said that? What people say? Have you heard?
d-What? Says who? Have people been saying that? Have you heard that?
Lazy Susan. To find out whether Hey, I want this to you, but know that it is very much to add restaurants, but without them can use my grunkle Stan!
m-Lazy Susan. Listen: I know he's not much to look at, but you're always fixing stuff in the diner and if you like fixing stuff, nothing can use more fixing than my Grunkle Stan!
These and other features mental or worried at all, because they ate.
s-I ate it because I have little to no concern about other people's possessions or emotions.
Seuss, you will find a friendly maple. You need not be so, and science?
d-Soos, you've seen Mabel's boyfriend. He's gotta be a zombie, right?
What is that? What happened? Is not it? Mabel?
s-What? What's going on? Huh? Mabel?
Welcome. Women.
Oi. Women
Brothers before that it is! Find out what it is.
m-It's not over 'til it's over, sisters! Watch this.
"I work on a unicorn, and I can not describe the words. Frustration."
f-"I've dealt with unicorns before and if I had to describe them in one word it would be. Frustrating."
Let's go ... sunscreen!
d-We're gonna... Go get sunscreen!
Yes, I do not want to seat guests in rainwater. It was wet, bus, however.
s-Yeah, nothing like sitting in a moist tub with strangers. It's like the bus, but wet.
"So, where are you?"
f-"Anyway where were you?"
I'm glad to meet you! ...... Inside.
m-Nice meeting you! ......She's going down.
Wow, it sounds like the bizarro for home. They even own their kvagmire.
d-Whoa, this is like a bizarro version of the Mystery Shack. They even have their own Soos.
Good! Pool water!
s-Alright! Off to the pool!
I give praise!
m-I'll take that as a compliment!
"Congratulations. Baby on her party? It was not very long."
f-"Greetings. Do kids still say greetings? I haven't been in this dimension for a really long time."
And our brother Stan. Man.
d-And then there was our Great Uncle Stan. That guy.
Hey, baby, can you help?
s-Hey, kids, a little help here?
"Creative Rift in order to save the world!"
f-"FIX THE RIFT, SAVE THE UNIVERSE DIPPER!"
Listening, leaderaur? Or tesosteraur, pubertaur .. I do not know his name. b Beardy
d-Listen, Leaderaur, alright? You too, Tesosteraur, Pubertaur, and.. I don't know, whatever your name is. B-Beardy
Quick! Engine!
s-Quick! To the car!
People have found it!
m-I've found my people!
Grab tube fork?
m-Why do have you forks taped to your fingers?
Player taste environment.
s-You called my bluff, pig.
"Children Stan ... I do not know Gopher fur.
f-"Stan... You didn't tell me there were children down here. And some sort of hairless gopher?"
I throw pigs!
s-I'm gonna throw this pig out of the house!
Wow! If you have a body with pets! Mabel.
m-Wow! You've got an animal on your body! I'm Mabel.
Taxes!
d-Buried treasure!
Go! Works, it works!
m-Go, go! Work it, work it!
This is love.
s-This is stupid.
Bear, you are on the road. Why do not you talk to him like a normal person?
m-Dipper, you're the one getting in your way. Why can't you just walk up and talk to her like a normal person?
You sketch, groutsho!
d-Joke's on you, Groucho!
I love poop head.
m-That sounds like a dumb idea for poopheads.
I like the responsibility. If rest is not very reasonable.
s-I like the part with the bear. The rest of it seems pretty far-fetched.
The plan? Oh, you did not do these things are very difficult listia?
m-Plan? Oh, you're not making one of those overcomplicated listy things, are you?
(Bjorn song :) Oh, and I'm not going to fight you, Wendy! Instructions!
m-(Dipper voice:) Uh, uh, I could work the counter with you, Wendy! Let's kiss!
Hello? The police station? I Forgot to say that to avoid paying taxes.
s-Hello? Police station? I forgot to tell him about my tax fraud.
"No, I do not know, but it is action for the character is that it is not me that you seem to be?"
f-"No. I'm not sure. But being a hero means to fight back even if it seems impossible. So will you follow me?"
What is that? writer
s-What? Author?
What is that? But Stan grunkle New Friends is my chance!
m-What? But Grunkle Stan, this party is my chance to make new friends!
I just do not care.
f-..I'm just going to ignore that.
You know what that means? Bbbblllaaaa ...... !!
m-Do you realize what this means? ......BBBBLLLAAAA!!
He was angry, he was free pizza.
m-Do you realize what this means? ......BBBBLLLAAAA!!
Butterflies!
Butterflies
Beautiful?
Adorable?
My son and copies tour!
m-Oh boy, a trip to the copier store!
What is that? Mabel can not do it! Are you crazy?
d-What?! Mabel, don't do this! Are you crazy?
Baby, I think you can grow again. I just want to be fair.
s-Kids, I think I have a growth forming on my back. Just wanted to be honest with you guys.
All camera ready!
d-Everyone, get your cameras ready!
Sometimes I think. All? Life was the right place, and not just a horrible joke? We have news of dead fish, but we have to offer?
s-Sometimes, I think. Is this all there is? Is life just some kind of horrific joke without a punch line? That we're all just biding our time until the sweet, sweet, release of death?
"If you are living in, if you have anything you want me."
f-"Quit the games, Cipher! If I'm alive you must want something from me."
Old books
m-Scrap-book ortunity
submitted by JR-butterfly to gravityfalls [link] [comments]


2016.09.18 18:55 galaxyrocker This week's language of the week: Akkadian!

Akkadian (/əˈkeɪdiən/ akkadû, 𒀝𒅗𒁺𒌑 ak-ka-du-u2; logogram: 𒌵𒆠 URIKI ) is an extinct East Semitic language (part of the greater Afroasiatic language family) that was spoken in ancient Mesopotamia. The earliest attested Semitic language, it used the cuneiform writing system, which was originally used to write the unrelated Ancient Sumerian, a language isolate. The language was named after the city of Akkad, a major centre of Mesopotamian civilization during the Akkadian Empire (ca. 2334–2154 BC), but the language itself predates the founding of Akkad by many centuries.
The mutual influence between Sumerian and Akkadian had led scholars to describe the languages as a sprachbund. Akkadian proper names were first attested in Sumerian texts from around the mid 3rd-millennium BC. From the second half of the third millennium BC (ca. 2500 BC), texts fully written in Akkadian begin to appear. Hundreds of thousands of texts and text fragments have been excavated to date, covering a vast textual tradition of mythological narrative, legal texts, scientific works, correspondence, political and military events, and many other examples. By the second millennium BC, two variant forms of the language were in use in Assyria and Babylonia, known as Assyrian and Babylonian respectively.
For centuries, Akkadian was the native language in Mesopotamian nations such as Assyria and Babylonia. Because of the might of various Mesopotamian empires, such as the Akkadian Empire, Old Assyrian Empire, Babylonian Empire, and Middle Assyrian Empire, Akkadian became the lingua franca of much of the Ancient Near East. However, it began to decline during the Neo Assyrian Empire around the 8th century BC, being marginalized by Aramaic during the reign of Tiglath-pileser III. By the Hellenistic period, the language was largely confined to scholars and priests working in temples in Assyria and Babylonia. The last known Akkadian cuneiform document dates from the 1st century AD.
Linguistics
Akkadian is an Afroasiatic language, meaning it descended from Proto-Afroasiatic. It is the earliest attested Semitic language, making it closely related to Hebrew and Arabic. It's full language tree is as follows:
Afroasiatic > Semitic > East Semitic > Akkadian.
Phonology
Because the language is extinct, nothing definitive can be said about Akkadian phonology. However, due to writing (in particular variant spellings of words, rhyme, etc.) and the knowledge we have of other Semitic languages, a few conclusions can be made. Please see the Wikipedia link in the section heading for more information.
Grammar
More can be said for certain about Akkadian grammar, however. It is an inflected language, and many of its features are similar to those of Classical Arabic, due to the virtue of both being Semitic languages. Like other Semitic languages, Akkadian uses a system of consonantal roots, with the majority of these being three consonants, though some can have four. Between and around these radicals various infixes, suffixes and prefixes, having word generating or grammatical functions, are inserted. The resulting consonant-vowel pattern differentiates the original meaning of the root. Also, the middle radical can be geminated, which is represented by a doubled consonant in transcription (and sometimes in the cuneiform writing itself).
Akkadian had two genders - masculine and feminine. It technically distinguished three numbers - singular, dual, and plural - but the dual number is vestigial even in the earliest writings and often reserved for natural pairs, like ears and eyes. Furthermore, no adjectives decline for the dual. Formally it also has three cases, nominative, accusative, and genitive, though the accusative and genitive merged into an oblique case in the plural and dual. Unlike Arabic, Akkadian had many regular plurals, though some masculine nouns took a feminine plural, a feature is shares with Hebrew.
The Akkadian verb has six finite verb aspects (preterite, perfect, present, imperative, precative and vetitive) and three infinite forms (infinitive, participle and verbal adjective). The infinitive is expressed with a verbal noun that can be declined for case. Akkadian had three moods: indicative, which was unmarked, the subjunctive which was used with dependent clauses and the venitive or allative. The venitive is not a mood in the strictest sense, being a development of the 1st person dative pronominal suffix -am/-m/-nim. With verbs of motion, it often indicates motion towards an object or person (e.g. illik, "he went" vs. illikam, "he came"). However, this pattern is not consistent, even in earlier stages of the language, and its use often appears to serve a stylistic rather than morphological or lexical function.
Akkadian is an outlier among Semitic languages in that its default word order was Subject-Object-Verb (S-O-V) instead of the more normal Verb-Subject-Object found in Arabic and Biblical Hebrew. Modern South Semitic languages in Ethiopia do have this word order, but it is a recent development from the V-S-O language Ge'ez. It has been hypothesized that this word order was a result of influence from the Sumerian language, which was also SOV. There is evidence that native speakers of both languages were in intimate language contact, forming a single society for at least 500 years, so it is entirely likely that a sprachbund could have formed. Further evidence of an original VSO or SVO ordering can be found in the fact that direct and indirect object pronouns are suffixed to the verb. Word order seems to have shifted to SVO/VSO late in the 1st millennium BC to the 1st millennium AD, possibly under the influence of Aramaic.
Literature
Akkadian literature spans an immense time period, from the Middle Bronze Age to the Iron Age, roughly from the 23rd century BCE to the 6th century BCE. Drawing on the traditions of Sumerian literature, the Babylonians compiled a substantial textual tradition of mythological narrative, legal texts, scientific works, letters and other literary forms. Women as well as men learned to read and write, and in Semitic times, this involved a knowledge of the extinct Sumerian language, and a complicated and extensive syllabary. The Babylonians' very advanced systems of writing, science and mathematics contributed greatly to their literary output.
Many examples of Akkadian literature can be found in the link in the section header, though perhaps the best known examples feature Gilgamesh and Hammurabi.
Writing
Even though the two languages were unrelated (with Sumerian being a language isolate), Akkadian writing uses the cuneiform script of ancient Sumerian, though many modifications were made to the script to make it better suitable for a Semitic language. Akkadian employed equivalents for many signs that were distorted or abbreviated to represent new values because the syllabic nature of the script as refined by the Sumerians was not intuitive to Semitic speakers. At this stage, the former pictograms were reduced to a high level of abstraction, and were composed of only five basic wedge shapes: horizontal, vertical, two diagonals and the Winkelhaken impressed vertically by the tip of the stylus.
Development and Dialects
Akkadian has been divided into several varieties based on geographical area and time period, as it underwent changes like every natural language. First was Old Akkadian between 2500–1950 BCE. Following it was Old Babylonian/Old Assyrian (1950–1530 BCE) then Middle Babylonian/Middle Assyrian (1530–1000 BCE) then Neo-Babylonian/Neo-Assyrian (1000-600 BCE) followed lastly by Late Babylonian (600 BCE - 100 CE). The last text that can be confirmed as Akkadian comes from the first century CE. More information about each stage and where/when it was used can be found in the first link of the heading.
Akkadian also was known to have multiple dialects, with four major ones: Assyrian in Northern Mesopotamia; Babylonian in South and Central Mesopotamia; Mariotic in the Central Euphrates area, around the city of Mari; and Tell Beydar in Northern Syria around the town of the same name. Some researchers (such as W. Sommerfeld 2003) believe that the Old Akkadian variant used in the older texts is not an ancestor of the later Assyrian and Babylonian dialects, but rather a separate dialect that was replaced by these two dialects and which died out early. Interestingly, another language, Eblaite was once considered to be a dialect of Akkadian, but is now classified as a separate East Semitic language.
Samples
Written Sample:
A written sample can be found on Omniglot here
Previous Languages of the Week
German Icelandic Russian Hebrew Irish Korean Arabic Swahili Chinese Portuguese Swedish Zulu Malay Finnish French Nepali Czech Dutch Tamil Spanish Turkish Polish Frisian Navajo Basque Zenen Kazakh Hungarian Greek Mongolian Japanese Maltese Welsh Persian/Farsi ASL Anything Guaraní Catalan Urdu Danish Sami Indonesian Hawaiian Manx Latin Hindi Estonian Xhosa Tagalog Serbian Māori Mayan Uyghur Lithuanian Afrikaans Georgian Norwegian Scots Gaelic Marathi Cantonese Ancient Greek American Mi'kmaq Burmese Galician Faroese Tibetan Ukrainian Somali Chechen Albanian Yiddish Vietnamese Esperanto Italian Iñupiaq Khoisan Breton Pashto Pirahã Thai Ainu Mohawk Armenian Uzbek Nahuatl Ewe Romanian Kurdish Quechua Cherokee Kannada Adyghe Hmong Inuktitut Slovenian Guaraní 2 Hausa Basque 2 Georgian 2 Sami 2 Kyrgyz Samoan Latvian Central Alaskan Yup'ik Cape Verdean Creole Irish 2 Amharic Cebuano
submitted by galaxyrocker to languagelearning [link] [comments]


2016.01.29 15:52 PachecoYYa =rand(1)

Perfect pangrams in English Without abbreviations, acronyms, contractions, initialisms, isolated letters, proper nouns, Roman numerals Cwm fjord veg balks nth pyx quiz. (Relaxing in basins at the end of inlets terminates the endless tests from the box.) Cwm fjord bank glyphs vext quiz. (Carved symbols in a mountain hollow on the bank of an inlet irritated an eccentric person.) Jink cwm, zag veldt, fob qursh pyx. (Cross valley and plain to steal coins from Saudi mint. – created by Stephen Wagner) Junky qoph-flags vext crwd zimb. (An Abyssinian fly playing a Celtic violin was annoyed by trashy flags on which were the Hebrew letter qoph.) Squdgy fez, blank jimp crwth vox! (A short brimless felt hat barely blocks out the sound of a Celtic violin. – created by Claude Shannon) Veldt jynx grimps waqf zho buck (A grass-plains wryneck climbs upon a male yak-cattle hybrid that was donated under Islamic law.) Bortz waqf glyphs vex muck djin. (Signage indicating endowments for industrial diamonds annoy filth-spreading genies. – created by Ed Spargo) With abbreviations, acronyms, initialisms or proper nouns, all restricted to dictionary words Jumbling vext frowzy hacks PDQ. (Being bounced around quickly annoyed the disheveled taxi drivers. – all words in high school dictionary) PR flacks quiz gym: TV DJ box when? (Public relations agent asks sports room, when do television disc jockeys fight?) Zing, dwarf jocks vex lymph, Qutb. (Making a high-pitched sound, short athletes annoy their white blood plasma and an Islamic saint. – created by Peter M. Lella) Zing, vext cwm fly jabs Kurd qoph. (Making a high-pitched sound, annoyed mountain basin insect sticks Hebrew letter.) Kat veld zubr gif cwm jynx qophs. (European bison of a shrubby African plain make digital image files of Semitic letters from valley wrynecks. – discovered by Da-Shih Hu) With abbreviations, acronyms, contractions, initialisms, isolated letters, proper nouns, Roman Numerals and not restricted to Dictionary Words A zenith of Xvurj’s cwm KL Gybdq Zombies play crwth, quj FDG xvnk Blowzy night-frumps vex’d Jack Q. Dwarf mobs quiz lynx.jpg, kvetch! (Crowd of midgets question picture of wildcat, then complain.) Frowzy things plumb vex’d Jack Q. G.B. fjords vex quick waltz nymph. Glum Schwartzkopf vex’d by NJ IQ. Gym DJ Beck vows phiz tranq flux. (Beck, the gymnasium DJ, promises a change in facial tranquilizers.) Jerk gawps foxy Qum Blvd. chintz. JFK got my VHS, PC and XLR web quiz. Jocks find quartz glyph, vex BMW. J.Q. Vandz struck my big fox whelp. J.Q. Schwartz flung D.V. Pike my box. Jump dogs, why vex Fritz Blank QC? Mr. Jock, TV quiz PhD, bags few lynx. New job: fix Mr. Gluck’s hazy TV, PDQ! (includes 5 punctuation symbols) Quartz glyph job vex’d cwm finks. (The act of carving symbols into quartz irritated ruffians from a Welsh river valley.) Quartz jock vends BMW glyph fix. The glib czar junks my VW Fox PDQ. Longer pangrams in English (in order of fewest letters used) Nymphs blitz quick vex dwarf jog. (27 letters) DJs flock by when MTV ax quiz prog. (27 letters) (2 acronyms, 1 abbreviation and a US spelling) Big fjords vex quick waltz nymph. (27 letters) Bawds jog, flick quartz, vex nymph. (27 letters) Waltz job vexed quick frog nymphs. (28 letters) (new variation on 29 letter version) Junk MTV quiz graced by fox whelps. (28 letters) (Includes abbreviation) Bawds jog, flick quartz, vex nymphs. (28 letters) Waltz, bad nymph, for quick jigs vex! (28 letters) Waltz, nymph, for quick jigs vex Bud! (28 letters) (Includes proper noun) Fox nymphs grab quick-jived waltz. (28 letters) Brick quiz whangs jumpy veldt fox. (28 letters) Glib jocks quiz nymph to vex dwarf. (28 letters) Bright vixens jump; dozy fowl quack. (29 letters) Vexed nymphs go for quick waltz job. (29 letters) Quick wafting zephyrs vex bold Jim. (29 letters) (Includes proper noun) Quick zephyrs blow, vexing daft Jim. (29 letters) (Includes proper noun) Quick blowing zephyrs vex daft Jim. (29 letters) (Includes proper noun) Sphinx of black quartz, judge my vow! (29 letters) (Used by Adobe InDesign when providing samples of all fonts.) Sex-charged fop blew my junk TV quiz. (29 letters) (Includes abbreviation) Both fickle dwarves jinx my pig quiz. (30 letters) Fat hag dwarves quickly zap jinx mob. (30 letters) Hick dwarves jam blitzing foxy quip. (30 letters) Fox dwarves chop my talking quiz job. (30 letters) Public junk dwarves quiz mighty fox. (30 letters) Jack fox bids ivy-strewn phlegm quiz. (30 letters) (Includes proper noun) How quickly daft jumping zebras vex. (30 letters) Two driven jocks help fax my big quiz. (30 letters) “Now fax quiz Jack!” my brave ghost pled. (30 letters) (Includes proper noun) Jack, love my big wad of sphinx quartz! (30 letters) (Includes proper noun) Do wafting zephyrs quickly vex Jumbo? (31 letters) (Includes proper noun) Go, lazy fat vixen; be shrewd, jump quick. (31 letters) Fickle jinx bog dwarves spy math quiz. (31 letters) Big dwarves heckle my top quiz of jinx. (31 letters) Fickle bog dwarves jinx empathy quiz. (31 letters) Public junk dwarves hug my quartz fox. (31 letters) Jumping hay dwarves flock quartz box. (31 letters) Five jumping wizards hex bolty quick. (31 letters) Five hexing wizard bots jump quickly. (31 letters) Quick fox jumps nightly above wizard. (31 letters) Vamp fox held quartz duck just by wing. (31 letters) Five quacking zephyrs jolt my wax bed. (31 letters) (Used by Mac OS X when previewing TrueType fonts.) The five boxing wizards jump quickly. (31 letters) (Used by XXDiff as sample text) Jackdaws love my big sphinx of quartz. (31 letters) (Used by Microsoft Windows XP when previewing some non-TrueType/OpenType fonts. It is interesting that the set of digits afterwards omits the numeral 7.) Show mangled quartz flip vibe exactly. (32 letters) My jocks box, get hard, unzip, quiver, flow. (32 letters) Kvetching, flummoxed by job, W. zaps Iraq. (32 letters) (Includes proper nouns) My ex pub quiz crowd gave joyful thanks. (32 letters) Cozy sphinx waves quart jug of bad milk. (32 letters) A very bad quack might jinx zippy fowls. (32 letters) (Contains all 26 letters in lower case) Pack my box with five dozen liquor jugs. (32 letters) (Used for font samples in the catalog of the Kelsey Press Company, by Beagle Bros and in Space Shuttle; featured in Ella Minnow Pea) Few quips galvanized the mock jury box. (32 letters) Quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog. (32 letters) (Not attested as frequently as the traditional, and better-formed, The quick brown fox…, below) Quilt frenzy jackdaw gave them best pox. (33 letters) Jumpy halfling dwarves pick quartz box. (33 letters) Schwarzkopf vexed Iraq big-time in July. (33 letters) (Includes proper nouns) Vex quest wizard, judge my backflop hand. (33 letters) The jay, pig, fox, zebra and my wolves quack! (33 letters) Blowzy red vixens fight for a quick jump. (33 letters) Sex prof gives back no quiz with mild joy. (33 letters) (Includes abbreviation) The quick brown fox jumps over a lazy dog. (33 letters) (A variant of the better-known, but longer, version with the in place of a, below.) A quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog. (33 letters) (This variation contains all 26 letters in lower case) Quest judge wizard bonks foxy chimp love. (34 letters) Boxers had zap of gay jock love, quit women. (34 letters, each consonant used only once) Joaquin Phoenix was gazed by MTV for luck. (34 letters) (Includes proper nouns and abbreviation) JCVD might pique a sleazy boxer with funk.[2] (34 letters) (Includes abbreviation of proper noun) Quizzical twins proved my hijack-bug fix. (34 letters) Fix problem quickly with galvanized jets. (35 letters) The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog. (35 letters) (Used to test typewriters and computer keyboards, and as sample text; famous for its coherency, dating back to 1888. Sometimes erroneously quoted with “jumped”, omitting the letter s.) Waxy and quivering, jocks fumble the pizza. (35 letters) When zombies arrive, quickly fax judge Pat. (35 letters) (Includes proper noun) Heavy boxes perform quick waltzes and jigs. (36 letters) A wizard’s job is to vex chumps quickly in fog. (36 letters) Sympathizing would fix Quaker objectives. (36 letters) (Includes proper noun) Pack my red box with five dozen quality jugs. (36 letters) BlewJ’s computer quiz favored proxy hacking. (37 letters) (Includes proper noun) Quads of blowzy fjord ignite map vex’d chicks. (37 letters) Fake bugs put in wax jonquils drive him crazy. (37 letters) Watch “Jeopardy!”, Alex Trebek’s fun TV quiz game. (37 letters) (Includes proper nouns and abbreviation) GQ jock wears vinyl tuxedo for showbiz promo. (37 letters) (Includes abbreviation) The quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dogs. (37 letters) Who packed five dozen old quart jugs in my box? (37 letters) Woven silk pyjamas exchanged for blue quartz. (38 letters) (Used for font samples by Scribus) Brawny gods just flocked up to quiz and vex him. (38 letters) Twelve ziggurats quickly jumped a finch box. (38 letters) Prating jokers quizzically vexed me with fibs. (39 letters) My faxed joke won a pager in the cable TV quiz show. (39 letters) (Includes abbreviation) The quick onyx goblin jumps over the lazy dwarf. (39 letters) (From flavor text in a card in the Magic: the Gathering card game[3]) The lazy major was fixing Cupid’s broken quiver. (39 letters) (Includes proper noun) Amazingly few discotheques provide jukeboxes. (40 letters) (only 5 words – fewer than all others in this list) Jacky can now give six big tips from the old quiz. (40 letters) Lovak won the squad prize cup for sixty big jumps. (40 letters) J. Fox made five quick plays to win the big prize. (40 letters) Foxy diva Jennifer Lopez wasn’t baking my quiche. (41 letters) (Includes proper noun) Cozy lummox gives smart squid who asks for job pen. (41 letters) (Used for font samples by the Macintosh, post-System 7, as well as on certain Palm products) By Jove, my quick study of lexicography won a prize. (41 letters) (Includes proper noun) Levi Lentz packed my bag with six quarts of juice. (41 letters) Painful zombies quickly watch a jinxed graveyard. (42 letters) Fax back Jim’s Gwyneth Paltrow video quiz. (42 letters) (Includes proper nouns) As quirky joke, chefs won’t pay devil magic zebra tax. (42 letters) My girl wove six dozen plaid jackets before she quit. (43 letters) Then a cop quizzed Mick Jagger’s ex-wives briefly. (43 letters) (Includes proper noun) Six big devils from Japan quickly forgot how to waltz. (44 letters) (Includes proper noun) “Who am taking the ebonics quiz?”, the prof jovially axed. (44 letters) Why shouldn’t a quixotic Kazakh vampire jog barefoot? (44 letters) (Includes proper noun) Grumpy wizards make a toxic brew for the jovial queen. (44 letters) Sixty zips were quickly picked from the woven jute bag. (45 letters) Big July earthquakes confound zany experimental vow. (45 letters) (Includes proper noun) Foxy parsons quiz and cajole the lovably dim wiki-girl. (45 letters) Cute, kind, jovial, foxy physique, amazing beauty? Wowser! (45 letters) Have a pick: twenty-six letters — no forcing a jumbled quiz! (46 letters) A very big box sailed up then whizzed quickly from Japan. (46 letters) Battle of Thermopylae: Quick javelin grazed wry Xerxes. (46 letters) (Includes proper nouns) Jack quietly moved up front and seized the big ball of wax. (47 letters) (Includes proper noun) Few black taxis drive up major roads on quiet hazy nights. (47 letters) Just poets wax boldly as kings and queens march over fuzz. (47 letters) Bored? Craving a pub quiz fix? Why, just come to the Royal Oak! (47 letters) (Used to advertise a pub quiz in Bowness-on-Windermere) Quincy Pondexter blocked five jams against the Wizards! (47 letters) (Includes proper nouns) Crazy Frederick bought many very exquisite opal jewels. (48 letters) (Includes proper noun) A quivering Texas zombie fought republic linked jewelry. (48 letters) (Includes proper noun) Grumpy wizards make toxic brew for the evil queen and jack. (48 letters) (Used by Google Fonts) The job of waxing linoleum frequently peeves chintzy kids. (49 letters) Back in June we delivered oxygen equipment of the same size. (49 letters) (Includes proper noun) Just keep examining every low bid quoted for zinc etchings. (49 letters) (Used in many type specimen books for letterpress printers) How razorback-jumping frogs can level six piqued gymnasts! (49 letters) (Used for font samples by the Macintosh, System 7 era) A quick movement of the enemy will jeopardize six gunboats. (49 letters) All questions asked by five watched experts amaze the judge. (49 letters) Bobby Klun awarded Jayme sixth place for her very high quiz. (50 letters) The wizard quickly jinxed the gnomes before they vaporized. (50 letters) Zelda might fix the job growth plans very quickly on Monday. (50 letters) Zack Gappow saved the job requirement list for the six boys. (50 letters) Jackie will budget for the most expensive zoology equipment. (51 letters) Quirky spud boys can jam after zapping five worthy Polysixes. (51 letters) (Includes proper noun) Jim quickly realized that the beautiful gowns are expensive. (51 letters) English phonetic pangrams Pangrams which use all the phonemes, or phones, of English (rather than alphabetic characters): “With tenure, Suzie’d have all the more leisure for yachting, but her publications are no good.” (for certain US accents and phonological analyses) “Shaw, those twelve beige hooks are joined if I patch a young, gooey mouth.” (perfect for certain accents with the cot-caught merger) “Are those shy Eurasian footwear, cowboy chaps, or jolly earthmoving headgear?” (perfect for certain Received Pronunciation accents) “The beige hue on the waters of the loch impressed all, including the French queen, before she heard that symphony again, just as young Arthur wanted.” (a phonetic, not merely phonemic, pangram. It contains both nasals [m] and [ɱ] (as in ‘symphony’), the fricatives [x] (as in ‘loch’) and [ç] (as in ‘hue’), and the ‘dark L’ [ɫ] (as in ‘all’) - in other words, it contains different allophones.) Other languages Arabic صِف خَلقَ خَودِ كَمِثلِ الشَمسِ إِذ بَزَغَت — يَحظى الضَجيعُ بِها نَجلاءَ مِعطارِ (A poem by Al Farāhīdi) هلا سكنت بذي ضغثٍ فقد زعموا — شخصت تطلب ظبياً راح مجتازا اصبر على حفظ خضر واستشر فطنا، وزج همك في بغداذ منثملا نصٌّ حكيمٌ لهُ سِرٌّ قاطِعٌ وَذُو شَأنٍ عَظيمٍ مكتوبٌ على ثوبٍ أخضرَ ومُغلفٌ بجلدٍ أزرق naṣun ḥakymun lahu syrun qāṭiʿun wa ḏu šānin ʿẓymin maktubun ʿala ṯubin aẖḍra wa muġalafun biǧildin azraq A wise text which has an absolute secret and great importance, written on a green cloth and covered with blue leather (it has a riddle built into it) ابجد هوز حطي كلمن سعفص قرشت ثخذ ضظغ أبجد هوز ترتيب الحروف العبرية والعربية من اللغات الساميَّة Azeri Zəfər, jaketini də papağını da götür, bu axşam hava çox soyuq olacaq. Zafer (male name), take your jacket and cap, it will be very cold tonight. Breton Yec’hed mat Jakez ! Skarzhit ar gwerennoù-mañ, kavet e vo gwin betek fin ho puhez. Bulgarian Ах чудна българска земьо, полюшвай цъфтящи жита. Ah, wonderful Bulgarian land, shake the blooming wheat fields. Жълтата дюля беше щастлива, че пухът, който цъфна, замръзна като гьон. The yellow quince was happy that the fluff which bloomed froze like sole-leather. За миг бях в чужд плюшен скърцащ фотьойл. (Used for font samples by the Macintosh, in the localized System 7) For a moment I was in someone else’s plush squeaking armchair. Вкъщи не яж сьомга с фиде без ракийка и хапка люта чушчица! At home, do not eat salmon with soup noodles without rakia and a bit of hot paprika! Под южно дърво, цъфтящо в синьо, бягаше малко пухкаво зайче. Under a southern tree, blooming in blue, ran a little fluffy bunny. Шугав льохман, държащ птицечовка без сейф и ютия. A mangy lummox, holding a platypus without a safe and flat iron. Я, пазачът Вальо уж бди, а скришом хапва кюфтенца зад щайгите. Why, Valyo the guard is supposed to be watching, and yet he’s secretly eating meatballs behind the crates. Хълцайки много, въздесъщият позьор, Юрий жабока, фучеше. Hiccuping intensely, the famous poseur, Yuri the frog, was sputtering. Гномът Доцьо приключи спящ в шейна за жаби. Dotsyo the Gnome ended up sleeping in a carriage for frogs. Щиглецът се яде само пържен в юфка без чушки и хвойна. Goldfinch is only eaten fried with noodles, without peppers and juniper. Фучейки и хълцайки, кьоравият грухтящ шопар жадно стъпка зюмбюлите Snorting and whimpering, the grunting blind boar hungrily trampled the hyacinths. Хълцащ змей плюе шофьор стигнал чуждия бивак. A hiccuping dragon spits at a driver who has reached someone else’s campsite. Щурчо Цоньо хапваше ловджийско кюфте с бяла гъмза. Tsonyo the cricket was eating a hunter-style meatball with white Gamza wine. Catalan (with all letters and diacritics) «Dóna amor que seràs feliç!». Això, il•lús company geniüt, ja és un lluït rètol blavís d’onze kWh. “Give love and you’ll be happy!”. This, ingenuous fellow with bad temper, is already in a blue sign of 11kWh. (with ç) Jove xef, porti whisky amb quinze glaçons d’hidrogen, coi! Young chef, bring whisky with fifteen hydrogen ice cubes, darn! Aqueix betzol, Jan, comprava whisky de figa That idiot, Jan, was buying fig whisky Zel de grum: quetxup, whisky, cafè, bon vi; ja! Coi! quinze jans golafres de Xàtiva, beuen whisky a pams Cherokee ᎠᏍᎦᏯᎡᎦᎢᎾᎨᎢᎣᏍᏓᎤᎩᏍᏗᎥᎴᏓᎯᎲᎢᏔᎵᏕᎦᏟᏗᏖᎸᎳᏗᏗᎧᎵᎢᏘᎴᎩ ᏙᏱᏗᏜᏫᏗᏣᏚᎦᏫᏛᏄᏓᎦᏝᏃᎠᎾᏗᎭᏞᎦᎯᎦᏘᏓᏠᎨᏏᏕᏡᎬᏢᏓᏥᏩᏝᎡᎢᎪᎢ ᎠᎦᏂᏗᎮᎢᎫᎩᎬᏩᎴᎢᎠᏆᏅᏛᎫᏊᎾᎥᎠᏁᏙᎲᏐᏈᎵᎤᎩᎸᏓᏭᎷᏤᎢᏏᏉᏯᏌᏊ ᎤᏂᏋᎢᏡᎬᎢᎰᏩᎬᏤᎵᏍᏗᏱᎩᎱᎱᎤᎩᎴᎢᏦᎢᎠᏂᏧᏣᏨᎦᏥᎪᎥᏌᏊᎤᎶᏒᎢᎢᏡᎬᎢ ᎹᎦᎺᎵᏥᎻᎼᏏᎽᏗᏩᏂᎦᏘᎾᎿᎠᏁᎬᎢᏅᎩᎾᏂᎡᎢᏌᎶᎵᏎᎷᎠᏑᏍᏗᏪᎩ ᎠᎴ ᏬᏗᏲᏭᎾᏓᏍᏓᏴᏁᎢᎤᎦᏅᏮᏰᎵᏳᏂᎨᎢ. Croatian Gojazni đačić s biciklom drži hmelj i finu vatu u džepu nošnje. (Used by Microsoft Office as sample text for Croatian language.) The overweight little schoolboy with a bike is holding hops and fine cotton in the pocket of his attire. Czech Nechť již hříšné saxofony ďáblů rozezvučí síň úděsnými tóny waltzu, tanga a quickstepu. (All 42 letters of the Czech alphabet, 72 letters in total) Let the sinful saxophones of devils finally make the hall resonate with the frightful tones of waltz, tango and quickstep. Příliš žluťoučký kůň úpěl ďábelské ódy. (All the non-ASCII letters of the Czech alphabet – popular sentence for character sets testing) Unduly yellowish horse was groaning devilish odes. Hleď, toť přízračný kůň v mátožné póze šíleně úpí. Behold, tis the eerie horse in tottering affectation groaning like crazy. Zvlášť zákeřný učeň s ďolíčky běží podél zóny úlů. Particularly insidious apprentice with dimples is running along the zone of hives. Loď čeří kýlem tůň obzvlášť v Grónské úžině. A vessel ripples a pool by its keel, especially in the strait of Greenland. Ó, náhlý déšť již zvířil prach a čilá laň teď běží s houfcem gazel k úkrytům. Oh, sudden rain has already whirled the dust and a spry doe now gallops with a flock of gazelles for the shelter. Danish (Each letter exactly once) Høj bly gom vandt fræk sexquiz på wc Tall shy groom won dirty sex quiz on W.C. Quizdeltagerne spiste jordbær med fløde, mens cirkusklovnen Walther spillede på xylofon. The quiz contestants ate strawberry with cream while Walter the circus clown played the xylophone. Dzongkha ཨ་ཡིག་དཀར་མཛེས་ལས་འཁྲུངས་ཤེས་བློའི་གཏེར༎ ཕས་རྒོལ་ཝ་སྐྱེས་ཟིལ་གནོན་གདོང་ལྔ་བཞིན༎ ཆགས་ཐོགས་ཀུན་བྲལ་མཚུངས་མེད་འཇམ་དབྱངསམཐུས༎ མཧཱ་མཁས་པའི་གཙོ་བོ་ཉིད་འགྱུར་ཅིག། Esperanto Eble ĉiu kvazaŭ-deca fuŝĥoraĵo ĝojigos homtipon. Maybe every quasi-fitting bungle-choir makes a human type happy. Laŭ Ludoviko Zamenhof bongustas freŝa ĉeĥa manĝaĵo kun spicoj. According to Ludwig Zamenhof, fresh Czech food with spices tastes good. Estonian Põdur Zagrebi tšellomängija-följetonist Ciqo külmetas kehvas garaažis Ill-healthy cellist-feuilletonist Ciqo from Zagreb was being cold in a poor garage. (used in KDE font selection). See väike mölder jõuab rongile hüpata This small miller is able to jump to train (used in localized version of Microsoft Word in Office XP, contains all non-foreign letters) Jubedalt möirgav lõukoer hüppas tänaval Terribly roaring lion jumped on street Finnish (A perfect pangram which does not include characters only found in foreign or loanwords (b, c, f, q, w, x, z, å)): Törkylempijävongahdus Muckysnogger booty-call. (Without the foreign characters c, q, x, z, w, å) Albert osti fagotin ja töräytti puhkuvan melodian. Albert bought a bassoon and blasted a puffing melody. (used in older versions of Word Perfect). (Without the foreign characters b, c, f, q, w, x, z, å) Lorun sangen pieneksi hyödyksi jäivät suomen kirjaimet. The quite small benefit of the rhyme was the letters of Finnish. Hyvän lorun sangen pieneksi hyödyksi jäi suomen kirjaimet. Modification of the previous one where the first letter is repeated (in the case the capital first letter is used but all the small letters are needed): The quite small benefit of the good rhyme was the letters of Finnish. (All characters, including foreign ones): Fahrenheit ja Celsius yrjösivät Åsan backgammon-peliin, Volkswagenissa, daiquirin ja ZX81:n yhteisvaikutuksesta. Fahrenheit and Celsius threw up on Åsa’s Backgammon board, in a Volkswagen, due to the coeffect of daiquiri and a ZX81. (All characters, including foreign ones): Charles Darwin jammaili Åken hevixylofonilla Qatarin yöpub Zeligissä. Charles Darwin was jamming on Åke’s heavy metal xylophone in the Qatar night pub Zelig. (All characters, including foreign ones): Wieniläinen sioux’ta puhuva ökyzombie diggaa Åsan roquefort-tacoja. The Sioux-speaking filthy rich zombie from Vienna digs Åsa’s Roquefort tacos. French Buvez de ce whisky que le patron juge fameux. (36) Drink some of this whisky which the boss finds excellent. Portez ce vieux whisky au juge blond qui fume Take this old whisky to the blond smoking judge Portez ce vieux whisky au juge blond qui a fumé. (variant with “é”) Take this old whisky to the blond judge who has smoked. Bâchez la queue du wagon-taxi avec les pyjamas du fakir Tarpaulin up the taxi-railcar tail with the fakir’s pajamas Voyez le brick géant que j’examine près du wharf See the giant brig which I examine near the wharf Voix ambiguë d’un cœur qui au zéphyr préfère les jattes de kiwi Ambiguous voice of a heart which prefers kiwi bowls to a zephyr Monsieur Jack, vous dactylographiez bien mieux que votre ami Wolf Mister Jack, you typed much better than your friend Wolf [was used in the Swiss army to check the keyboard of typewriters before teletransmission] West Frisian Alve bazige froulju wachtsje op dyn komst Eleven bossy women await your arrival German (no umlauts or ß): Sylvia wagt quick den Jux bei Pforzheim Sylvia dares quickly the joke near Pforzheim (no umlauts or ß): Franz jagt im komplett verwahrlosten Taxi quer durch Bayern Franz chases in the completely shabby cab straight through Bavaria (with umlauts and ß): Victor jagt zwölf Boxkämpfer quer über den großen Sylter Deich Victor chases twelve boxers across the great dam of Sylt (with umlauts and ß, each letter exactly once, according to the pre-1996 spelling rules): “Fix, Schwyz!” quäkt Jürgen blöd vom Paß “Quick, Schwyz!” Jürgen squawks zanily from the pass “Falsches Üben von Xylophonmusik quält jeden größeren Zwerg” (used by KDE) Wrong practising of xylophone music bothers every larger dwarf Greek Ταχίστη αλώπηξ βαφής ψημένη γη, δρασκελίζει υπέρ νωθρού κυνός Takhístè alôpèx vaphês psèménè gè, draskelízei ypér nòthroý kynós The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog (where brown is assigned by “colour of roasted earth”) Ξεσκεπάζω τὴν ψυχοφθόρα βδελυγμία. Xeskepazó tin psychofthóra vdelygmía. I uncover the soul-destroying abhorrence. Ζαφείρι δέξου πάγκαλο, βαθῶν ψυχῆς τὸ σῆμα. Receive an excellent sapphire, denoting profundity of soul. διαφυλάξτε γενικά τη ζωή σας από βαθειά ψυχικά τραύματα protect in general your life from deep psychological wounds Notable pangrams found occurring in ancient Greek literature include: Homeric Hymn to Hermes 22-24 Pindar, Olympian 6 21-24 Aeschylus, Agamemnon 439-444 Euripides, Alcestis 169-172, Hercules 927-930, Bacchae 719b-723a Isaeus, De Hagnia, section 31 (ἐλέλυθεν…λήψεσθαι) Lycurgus, Against Leocrates 100.3-6 Lysias 12.93.3-5 Thucydides, from the last four words of 4.115.2 through the first ten words of 4.115.3 Hebrew דג סקרן שט בים מאוכזב ולפתע מצא חברה dg sqrn šṭ bjM mʾwkzb wlptʿ mṣʾ ḥbrh (A curious fish sailed the sea disappointedly, and suddenly found company) כך התרסק נפץ על גוזל קטן, שדחף את צבי למים kk htrsq npṣ ʿl gwzl qṭn, šdḥp ʾt ṣbj lmjm An explosive crashed into a small chick, which pushed my deer into the water. (Includes all medial and final forms, here indicated by bold letters.) שפן אכל קצת גזר בטעם חסה, ודי. špn ʾkl qṣt gzr bṭʿm ḥsh, wdj (A hyrax ate some lettuce flavored carrot and that’s it) Each letter occurs exactly once. עטלף אבק נס דרך מזגן שהתפוצץ כי חם (A “dust bat” escaped through the air conditioner, which exploded due to the heat) All 22 in the Hebrew alphabet with all medial and final forms או הנסה אלהים, לבוא לקחת לו גוי מקרב גוי, במסת באתת ובמופתים ובמלחמה וביד חזקה ובזרוע נטויה, ובמוראים גדלים: ככל אשר-עשה לכם יהוה אלהיכם, במצרים—לעיניך (Deuteronomy 4:34) לכן חכו לי נאם יהוה ליום קומי לעד, כי משפטי לאסף גוים לקבצי ממלכות, לשפך עליהם זעמי כל חרון אפי, כי באש קנאתי תאכל כל הארץ (Zephaniah 3:8 – the only verse in the Hebrew Bible that contains all medial forms of the letters plus all final forms) Hindi ऋषियों को सताने वाले दुष्ट राक्षसों के राजा रावण का सर्वनाश करने वाले विष्णुवतार भगवान श्रीराम, अयोध्या के महाराज दशरथ के बड़े सपुत्र थे। Hungarian Jó foxim és don Quijote húszwattos lámpánál ülve egy pár bűvös cipőt készít. My good foxterrier and don Quixote are making a pair of magic shoes by a 20-watt lamp. Árvíztűrő tükörfúrógép A flood-resistant mirror drill Icelandic Kæmi ný öxi hér, ykist þjófum nú bæði víl og ádrepa. If a new axe were here, thieves would feel increasing deterrence and punishment. (each letter exactly once): Svo hölt, yxna kýr þegði jú um dóp í fé á bæ. A cow in heat with such a limp would admittedly keep silent about drugs in sheep on a farm. (each letter exactly once, with z (obsolete spelling)): Þú dazt á hnéð í vök og yfir blóm sexý pæju. You fell on the knee in a hole in the ice and over a sexy girl’s flower. Igbo Nne, nna, wepụ he’l’ụjọ dum n’ime ọzụzụ ụmụ, vufesi obi nye Chukwu, ṅụrịanụ, gbakọọnụ kpaa, kwee ya ka o guzoshie ike; ọ ghaghị ito, nwapụta ezi agwa. (all 36 letters and diacritics). Indonesian Muharjo seorang xenofobia universal yang takut pada warga jazirah, contohnya Qatar. Muharjo is a universal xenophobic who fears the peninsula residents, such as Qatar. Saya lihat foto Hamengkubuwono XV bersama enam zebra purba cantik yang jatuh dari Alquranmu. I saw a photo of Hamengkubuwono XV along with six beautiful ancient zebra which fell from your Koran. Hafiz mengendarai bajaj payah-payah ke warnet-x untuk mencetak lembar verifikasi dalam kertas quarto. Irish D’fhuascail Íosa Úrmhac na hÓighe Beannaithe pór Éava agus Ádhaimh D’ḟuascail Íosa Úrṁac na hÓiġe Beannaiṫe pór Éaḃa agus Áḋaiṁ Jesus, Son of the blessed Virgin, redeemed the seed of Eve and Adam. Ċuaiġ bé ṁórṡáċ le dlúṫspád fíorḟinn trí hata mo ḋea-ṗorcáin ḃig A greatly satisfied woman went with a truly white dense spade through the hat of my good little well-fattened pig (uses both regular and lenited (with dot above) letters) Italian Pangrams in Italian normally omit the foreign letters j, k, w, x, and y. Quel fez sghembo copre davanti That slanted fez covers the front. Ma la volpe, col suo balzo, ha raggiunto il quieto Fido. But the fox with her leap has reached the still Fido. [”Fido” is a name commonly given to dogs.] Quel vituperabile xenofobo zelante assaggia il whisky ed esclama: alleluja! That blameworthy, zealous xenophobe tastes his whisky and exclaims: Alleluja! Pranzo d’acqua fa volti sghembi. Lunch of water makes lopsided faces. O templi, quarzi, vigne, fidi boschi! O temples, quartzes, vines, faithful woods! Che tempi brevi, zio, quando solfeggi. Such short times, uncle, when you sol-fa. Qualche notizia pavese mi fa sbadigliare. Some news from Pavia makes me yawn. In quel campo si trovan funghi in abbondanza. In that field, mushrooms are to be found in abundance. Qualche vago ione tipo zolfo, bromo, sodio. Some vague ions, like sulfur, bromine, sodium. Berlusconi? Quiz, tv, paghe da fame. (Umberto Eco)[4] Tv? Quiz, Br, Flm, Dc… Oh, spenga! (Umberto Eco, 1979, without foreign letters) Japanese Since there are tens of thousands of kanji characters, Japanese pangrams are ones containing all kana. Iroha Uta いろはにほへと ちりぬるを わかよたれそ つねならむ うゐのおくやま けふこえて あさきゆめみし ゑひもせす(ん) irohanihoheto chirinuruwo wakayotareso tsunenaramu uwinookuyama kefukoete asakiyumemishi yehimosesu(n) 色は匂へど 散りぬるを 我が世誰ぞ 常ならむ 有為の奥山 今日越えて 浅き夢見じ 酔ひもせず(ん) * The poem Iroha uses all 47 classical kana characters exactly once, and it comes in the form of a poem. (The characters ゐ and ゑ are obsolete in modern Japanese.) Iroha is so classically entrenched that any modern construction of a Japanese pangram in classical form is called iroha-uta. Tori Naku Uta とりなくこゑす ゆめさませ みよあけわたる ひんかしを そらいろはえて おきつへに ほふねむれゐぬ もやのうち torinakukowesu yumesamase miyoakewataru hinkashiwo sorairohaete okitsuheni hofunemurewinu moyanōchi. 鳥啼く声す 夢覚ませ 見よ明け渡る 東を 空色栄えて 沖つ辺に 帆船群れゐぬ 靄の中 * Awaken from dreaming to the voice of the crying bird and see the coming daylight turning the east sky-blue; shrouded in mist is a flock of ships on the open sea Ametsuchi No Uta あめ つち ほし そら / やま かは みね たに / くも きり むろ こけ / ひと いぬ うへ すゑ / ゆわ さる おふ せよ / えのえを なれ ゐて 天 地 星 空 / 山 川 峰 谷 / 雲 霧 室 苔 / 人 犬 上 末 / 硫黄 猿 生ふ 為よ / 榎の 枝を 馴れ 居て Taini no Uta たゐにいて なつむわれをそ きみめすと あさりおひゆく やましろの うちゑへるこら もはほせよ えふねかけぬ 田居に出で 菜摘むわれをぞ 君召すと 求食り追ひゆく 山城の 打酔へる子ら 藻葉干せよ え舟繋けぬ There (were) two messengers; (they) had animosity (among each other); (they were) equally powerful (in fight); here are the corpses. This poem is used as the ordering of the Javanese script. This poem is a perfect pangram, which means there is only one instance of each letter. Klingon qajunpaQHeylIjmo’ batlh DuSuvqang charghwI’ ‘It. Because of your apparent audacity the depressed conqueror is willing to fight you. Korean 키스의 고유조건은 입술끼리 만나야 하고 특별한 기술은 필요치 않다. Kiseu-ui goyujogeoneun ipsulkkiri mannaya hago teukbyeolhan gisureun pilyochi antha. The essential condition for a kiss is that lips meet and there is no special technique required. In current usage, Hangul has 14 simple consonant letters, 6 simple vowel letters, and 4 iotized vowel letters; there are also 5 double consonant letters, 11 consonant clusters, and 11 diphthongs, made from combinations of the simple consonants or simple vowels. Of these, the above phrase contains all the simple consonant letters, simple vowel letters, and iotized vowel letters, along with 1 double consonant letter (ㄲ “gg”), 1 consonant cluster (ㄶ “nh”), and one diphthong (ㅢ “ui”). Latin Sic fugiens, dux, zelotypos, quam Karus haberis.[5] Thus fleeing, O leader, you are regarded with jealousy like Karus. Includes the letters k, y and z, used for words derived from Greek, but not the letters j, v or w, consonants that evolved from the vowels i and u. Latvian Muļķa hipiji mēģina brīvi nogaršot celofāna žņaudzējčūsku. Silly hippies try to freely taste the cellophane python. Glāžšķūņa rūķīši dzērumā čiepj Baha koncertflīģeļu vākus. Glass shack gnomes steal Bach piano covers while inebriated. Četri psihi faķīri vēlu vakarā zāģēja guļbūvei durvis, fonā šņācot mežam. Late at night, four psycho conjurors were sawing the doors of a log cabin as the wind hummed in the background. Lithuanian Įlinkdama fechtuotojo špaga sublykčiojusi pragręžė apvalų arbūzą Incurving fencer sword sparkled and perforated a round watermelon Lojban .o’i mu xagji sofybakni cu zvati le purdi Watch out, five hungry Soviet-cows are in the garden! Macedonian Ѕидарски пејзаж: шугав билмез со чудење џвака ќофте и кељ на туѓ цех. A mason’s landscape: a mangy fool wonderingly munches on meatball and kale at someone else’s expense. Бучниов жолт џин ѕида куќа со фурна меѓу полиња за цреши, хмељ и грозје. [This] noisy yellow giant is building a house with an oven in the midst of fields of cherries, hops and grapes. Долг Џош, сторив женење, црн ѕид! Фрчат хмељ, ќумбе, ѓупки, зајак. Long Josh, I’ve done a reaping, a black wall! Hops, Gypsy women, rabbit are whizzing. Мојот дружељубив коњ со тих галоп фаќа брз џиновски глушец по туѓо ѕитче. My friendly horse with a quiet gallop catches a quick giant mouse over someone else’s little wall. Malayalam അജവും ആനയും ഐരാവതവും ഗരുഡനും കഠോര സ്വരം പൊഴിക്കെ ഹാരവും ഒഢ്യാണവും ഫാലത്തില് മഞ്ഞളും ഈറന് കേശത്തില് ഔഷധ എണ്ണയുമായി ഋതുമതിയും അനഘയും ഭൂനാഥയുമായ ഉമ ദുഃഖഛവിയോടെ ഇടതു പാദം ഏന്തി ങ്യേയാദൃശം നിര്ഝരിയിലെ ചിറ്റലകളെ ഓമനിക്കുമ്പോള് ബാലയുടെ കണ്കളില് നീര് ഊര്ന്നു വിങ്ങി. Mapudungun The Ragileo alphabet doesn’t distinguish some sounds which are mostly used to convey affectionate speech variations, such as s/sh. (Ragileo alphabet) Gvxam mincetu apocikvyeh: ñizol ce mamvj ka raq kuse bafkeh mew (Unified alphabet) Ngütram minchetu apochiküyeṉ: ñidol che mamüll ka rag kushe ḻafkeṉ mew. (Azümchefe) Gütxam minchetu apochiküyenh: ñizol che mamüll ka raq kushe lhafkenh mew. Tale under the full moon: the chief chemamull and the clay old woman at the lake/sea. Mongolian Щётканы фермд пийшин цувъя. Бөгж зогсч хэльюү. Let’s echelon fireplaces in brush farm. Ring says standing. Myanmar The genius from Sri Lanka read the formula of elixir of life thoroughly in the almond tree next to Zalun market. Norwegian Since Norwegian orthography does not include c, q, w, x or z, except in foreign borrowings that haven’t been naturalised, the possible pangrams including all the 29 letters of the Norwegian alphabet will require using two or more words with a distinctly foreign spelling. Vår sære Zulu fra badeøya spilte jo whist og quickstep i min taxi. Our strange Zulu from the bathing island actually played whist and quickstep in my taxi. Høvdingens kjære squaw får litt pizza i Mexico by. The chief’s dear squaw gets a little pizza in Mexico City. IQ-løs WC-boms uten hørsel skjærer god pizza på xylofon. IQ-less WC-bum without hearing cuts good pizza on xylophone. Sær golfer med kølle vant sexquiz på wc i hjemby. Strange golfer with club won sex quiz on W.C. in hometown. Jeg begynte å fortære en sandwich mens jeg kjørte taxi på vei til quiz I started to devour a sandwich while I was riding a taxi on the way to the quiz Polish Perfect pangrams (each letter exactly once): Jeżu klątw, spłódź Finom część gry hańb! (by Stanisław Barańczak) O hedgehog of curses, generate for the Finns a part of the game of ignominies! Pójdźże, kiń tę chmurność w głąb flaszy! Go, cast this melancholy into the depth of a bottle! Mężny bądź, chroń pułk twój i sześć flag. Be brave, protect your regiment and six flags. Filmuj rzeź żądań, pość, gnęb chłystków! Film the slaughter of demands, abstain from food, oppress the greenhorns! Pchnąć w tę łódź jeża lub ośm skrzyń fig. To push a hedgehog or eight crates of figs into this boat. (ośm – the original form of the numeral osiem) Dość gróźb fuzją, klnę, pych i małżeństw! “Enough of these threats with the shotgun,” swear I, “haughtinesses and marriages!” Pójdź w loch zbić małżeńską gęś futryn! Go to the dungeon to batter the marital goose of doorframes! Chwyć małżonkę, strój bądź pleśń z fugi. Seize your wife, the garment, or the mold from the grout. Imperfect pangram: Koń i żółw grali w kości z piękną ćmą u źródła. A horse and a tortoise played dice with a beautiful moth near the spring. Portuguese without diacritics Um pequeno jabuti xereta viu dez cegonhas felizes. (BP) A curious little tortoise saw ten happy storks. Blitz prende ex-vesgo com cheque fajuto. (BP) Cop arrests ex-cross-eye with fake check in a checkpoint. Gazeta publica hoje no jornal uma breve nota de faxina na quermesse. (BP) The journalists publish today at the newspaper a short note about the cleaning at the kirmiss. Zebras caolhas de Java querem passar fax para moças gigantes de New York. (BP) One-eyed zebras from Java want to fax for giant ladies from New York. with diacritics Luís argüia à Júlia que «brações, fé, chá, óxido, pôr, zângão» eram palavras do português. Luís argued to Júlia that “big arms, faith, tea, oxide, to put, bee” were Portuguese words. À noite, vovô Kowalsky vê o ímã cair no pé do pingüim queixoso e vovó põe açúcar no chá de tâmaras do jabuti feliz. (BP) At night, grandpa Kowalsky sees the magnet falling on the complaining penguin’s foot and grandma puts sugar in the happy tortoise’s date tea. Romanian Muzicologă în bej vând whisky și tequila, preț fix. (Female) musicologist in beige, sells whisky and tequila, fixed price. Bând whisky, jazologul șprițuit vomă fix în tequila. Drinking whisky, the drunken jazzman threw up right in the tequila. Ex-sportivul își fumează jucăuș țigara bând whisky cu tequila. The ex-sportsman playfully smokes his cigarette, drinking whisky with tequila. Înjurând pițigăiat, zoofobul comandă vexat whisky și tequila. Swearing in high pitch, the zoophobic man vexedly ordered whisky and tequila. Russian (traditional telegraph test; lacks ъ and ё) В чащах юга жил бы цитрус? Да, но фальшивый экземпляр! Would a citrus live in the thickets of the south? Yes, but only a fake one! (using quasiobsolete spelling for last word to include ъ) В чащах юга жил бы цитрус? Да, но фальшивый экземпляръ! same (each letter exactly once) Эх, чужак, общий съём цен шляп (юфть) – вдрызг! Hey, stranger, the general takings from prices of hats (made from a thick leather) have completely crashed! (each letter exactly once) — Любя, съешь щипцы, — вздохнёт мэр, — Кайф жгуч! The mayor will sigh, “Eat the pliers with love; pleasure burns!” (Microsoft used it in fontview.exe for Cyrillic fonts without «же») Съешь же ещё этих мягких французских булок, да выпей чаю. S’eš’ že eŝë ètih mjagkih francuzskih bulok, da vypej čaju. So eat more of these soft French loaves, and have some tea! (used in KDE) Широкая электрификация южных губерний даст мощный толчок подъёму сельского хозяйства. Widespread electrification of southern guberniyas will give a powerful incentive to the rise of agriculture. Разъяренный чтец эгоистично бьёт пятью жердями шустрого фехтовальщика. An enraged narrator selfishly beats a nimble fencer with five poles. (lacks ъ and ё) Наш банк вчера же выплатил Ф.Я. Эйхгольду комиссию за ценные вещи. As of yesterday, our bank already remitted to F.J. Eichhold a commission payment for the valuables. Sanskrit कः खगौघाङचिच्छौजा झाञ्ज्ञोऽटौठीडडण्ढणः। तथोदधीन् पफर्बाभीर्मयोऽरिल्वाशिषां सहः।। [6] Scottish Gaelic Mus d’fhàg Cèit-Ùna ròp Ì le ob. Before Kate-Una left the Iona cattle auction with hops. Serbian (some also apply to Croatian and Bosnian) Gojazni đačić s biciklom drži hmelj i finu vatu u džepu nošnje. The overweight little schoolboy with a bike is holding hops and fine cotton in the pocket of his attire. Fin džip, gluh jež i čvrst konjić dođoše bez moljca. A nice jeep, a deaf hedgehog and a tough horse came without a moth. Љубазни фењерџија чађавог лица хоће да ми покаже штос. Ljubazni fenjerdžija čađavog lica hoće da mi pokaže štos. A kind lamplighter with grimy face wants to show me a stunt. Ајшо, лепото и чежњо, за љубав срца мога дођи у Хаџиће на кафу. Ajšo, lepoto i čežnjo, za ljubav srca moga dođi u Hadžiće na kafu. Aicha, (you that are my) beauty and longing, for the love of my heart, come to (the town of) Hadžići for a cup of coffee. Slovak Kŕdeľ ďatľov učí koňa žrať kôru. (contains only all accented letters except š) A flock of woodpeckers teach a horse to feed on bark. Kŕdeľ šťastných ďatľov učí pri ústí Váhu mĺkveho koňa obhrýzať kôru a žrať čerstvé mäso. A flock of happy woodpeckers by the mouth of the river Vah is teaching a silent horse to nibble on bark and feed on fresh meat (This is a modified sentence that not only contains modified letters with diacritics but also those without) Even in the expansion, c is missing, only occurring as part of the digraph ch, which is a s
submitted by PachecoYYa to TheLongestSub [link] [comments]


2014.04.10 23:56 tabledresser [Table] IAmA: Joe Goes AMA

Verified? (This bot cannot verify AMAs just yet)
Date: 2014-04-10
Link to submission (Has self-text)
Questions Answers
What do you say when you initially approach people? Could you upload unedited footage ever? Hey, we make a Web series called Joe Goes, where I go to different events and interview people. Do you have a few minutes?
How many times has your channel gotten you laid? Okay, cool. Do you mind signing a release form? It's pretty standard. There's nothing in there requiring you to sleep with me...I promise...
Joe keeps going, but when will he ultimately arrive ? That's deep.
Hey Joe! I remember seeing you back when you were on Current TV. You studying in Chicago made me consider it an option and I ended up going to University of Illinois at Chicago. I showed my friends your videos and they are madly in love with them. So you were the one Current TV viewer! Nice to meet you!
You seem to be very good at making people feel awkward during interviews. But has there ever been a moment where you were weirded out by an interviewee? Well, my approach to every interview is just to have fun and have some funny moments. I'm not really thinking about what will be awkward or not, you can't predict people's reactions. The Bronies and Power Rangers fans were pretty awkward.
Of all the youtube stars you have talked to, who was the most fun? Of the YouTube stars I've talked to, I think The Wing Girls are the most fun, because they don't have egos and I can joke with them (or tear up their book) and they don't take it seriously.
If you could be with any woman in the world, who would it be? To answer your last question - my Shepard on Mass Effect
When is the lovely Tanya going to be joining you in another video? She's in the music video for "I Got 200,000 Subs." Shot it like six months ago. Now I just need to get 200,000 Subs so I can release it. (Stuck at 180,000)
There was clearly a connection with you and the Swedish girl ("I loooevb badge ahf sheyme. you shud come and luk it...at...its."). Is she still living in your basement and can I visit her? P.S. Joe. Let's bone. "I loooevb basss ahjment. you shud come and luk it...at...its."
Also are you planning on coming to Estonia anytime soon? We took the ferry from Helsinki to Talinn because a direct flight from Helsinki to LA was too expensive. The Estonian cab driver was like, "What are you doing in Estonia? There's nothing here. Why would you come here?"
What do you do for a living?, you did say you got your joe back :) I write for Game of Thrones. And by "Game of Thrones," I mean clip shows on TruTV. But those shows are the "Game of Thrones" of clip shows.
Also, Game of Thrones.
Did you ever actually go on a real date with any of the chicks you've interviewed/spoken to in your videos? Once in a while, nothing really serious though.
Looked as if you had some good connection with the chick in the blue dress in the fashion week-video! (pushes Tanya Tate's head down)
Why was "You Suck" music video deleted from your channel? It was my daily motivation video! The comments freaked me out. When I made the video, I just thought it would be funny to take a really motivational beat, and make a demotivational song. Some people got it, but a lot of people didn't. It seemed like people were using the song to bully others, and I just don't feel comfortable having it up anymore.
Did it hurt when that guy punched you during St. Patrick's day and were you surprised that he did punch you? He did ask you several times if you really wanted him to punch you. Not really, it was just very surprising. I thought his reaction would be "ha ha ha, no I'm not doing that." For him to actually do is insane to me - I would never do that to anyone. It's a joke. Anyway, that question is retired.
Congrats on meeting your funding goal, where in Canada are you planning to visit? Justin Bieber's house.
Rob Ford's house.
A moose's house.
McDonald's.
Do you ever spontaneously break out into "youve got the brains...ive got the looks...lets make lots of money." Or have you blocked that stage of your life out? I don't know what you're talking about.
Hey man. Did any of your Joe-dates turn into another date? I love you. Nicole had lunch with me once. Then never again.
Hey Joe. Have you considered coming to Denmark some day? Marijuana march is at the 3rd of May. There's also Roskilde Festival, you will find the most craziest people there. I'm planning to go to the Marijuana March to sell Girl Scout cookies.
I've been a subscriber since Joe Goes To Blizzcon, which brings me to my question... Will you return? No, I feel like I already did it. Joe Goes Gaming was basically Joe Goes To Blizzcon 2, and Joe Goes To DreamHack was basically Joe Goes To Blizzcon 3...I'm burnt out on gaming events.
When you were in Scotland did you try our delicious national soft-drink IRN BRU? Of course - it was everywhere! Very sugary.
I've also got two questions: what was the, in your opinion most inapropriate question you ever asked in one of your Joe Goes videos? Also, you're probably cutting out a lot of stuff that happened, is there any material you would have loved to have in a video but then decided against it for what ever reason? The KKK thing at Fashion Week, maybe...I don't try to be super inappropriate, though.
In every video, there's stuff that I think is funny, but it's so off-topic, there's nowhere to put it - it usually ends up in the deleted scenes.
Having never tried, how would you say surströmming really smells like? And why don't you try filming in Eastern / South-Eastern Europe? Except for the flights, it's pretty cheap over there. Plus all the old footage is hilarious, keep on uploading them. Dreamhack.
It's expensive to film anywhere, but I'm not against mailing myself to Belarus.
Glad you enjoy the classics! (whispers) CLASSSIC
What was your favorite 'go'? pls do more Joe dates!!! Recently, Fashion Week. We had a lot fun last summer in Sweden and Finland, even though they didn't start a war, like I wanted. Thanks a lot guys. (opens can of surströmming, runs)
How many women have got pissed off at you for kissing them? In the videos or real life, it's up to you how you answer. They're only angry that it ended.
No, I don't do it unless I get a vibe in the interview that it would be okay. And I don't do it as much as people think.
Hey what happened on that 'joe knows hip hop' video after the black guy approached you after you almost said the 'n-word?' He gave me written consent to use it four times, during my life. But only four times.
Hey Joe. Ive been following your videos for quite some time all the way from Australia! Would you ever consider travelling to Oz to film? What would be the first thing you'd want to do here? Start a beef with Beecher.
Joe!!! I hope, I'm not late for the party. I absolutely adore everything you do. Even if you were a lame white rapper on stage, performing in his undies, I'd still throw you my wet panties. Anyway... I just wanted to ask, if there is a sliiight chance we'll be seeing you anywhere in Europe? Easter Europe, perhaps? Ex-USSR eastern-Europe, perhaps?:D. Edit: a letter. Depends on much we raise on fundraisers!
At the beginning of some videos there's a date (e.g. 2006). What's the story with that, did you film a load of stuff from ages ago that you're only releasing now? The world wasn't ready. And there's a lot more coming - just wait till you see the videos from 1947. I mean 2007. I don't have a time machine. Ha ha ha! That's crazy! Ha ha ha! [VANISHES]
Big fan since back in the days of Blizzcon videos! Hey Matthew. Nice neckbeard.
Will you come to NYC soon? There's so much stuff going on you could visit tons of events this summer. When I worked for Current TV, I did three episodes in New York - auditioning for Avenue Q on Broadway, skateboarding school, and street basketball at West 4th Courts. Those eps will pop up classics one day.
Do you think up questions before or just say whatever comes off the top of your head? It's a combination of both - I don't do a writing session or anything, but if an event is coming up and I think of something, I'll write it down in my phone. Maybe 5 lines per ep are pre-thoughtof.
What do you think of BabyMetal? Link to www.youtube.com. Never heard of it - Is it as good as GeezerMetal? Shout out to Christopher Lee.
Favorite ice cream flavor? Americone Dream.
Love it when you travel, I especially liked the stuff you did in Scandinavia. Anyway, where in the world would you really like to go next, after Canada? Germany or Australia.
So answer me this, are you or are you not the whitest pimp in the United States? I'd like to use a lifeline.
(calls Snoop Dogg)
"Yo, yo, yo, what's crackin'?"
"Hi, Calvin. Quick question. Am I the whitest pimp in the United States?"
"Fo shizzle, my wizzle. You dig?"
"What?"
"Fo...fo what?"
"..."
"..."
"What?"
"(SIGH) Yes. Yes, you are, Joe."
(CLICK)
The answer is yes.
RINNNG!
"Hey! Calvin! What's up!"
"Never call me again."
(CLICK)
Just wanted to say I love your channel. Keep up the great work. It's very entertaining. Any plans on bringing your shtick to conventional broadcasting? Yeah, in fact - I'm really close to replacing Letterman on The Late Show.
(checks front page of Reddit)
GODDAMNIT.
What's your favorite Wu-Tang song? 4th Chamber or Triumph.
Per album...
Enter the 36 Chambers - Wu-Tang Clan Ain't Nuthin To Fuck With.
Tical - Bring The Pain.
Return to the 36 - Shimmy Shimmy Ya.
Cuban Linx - Criminology.
Liquid Swords - 4th Chamber.
Ironman - Winter Warz.
Wu-Tang Forever - Triumph / Reunited (tie)
Uncontrolled Substance - Friction.
Bobby Digital In Stereo - NYC Everything.
Golden Arms Redemption - Rumble.
Supreme Clientele - One.
The W - Hollow Bones.
I'll stop here, because the RZA just called me, and invited to join the Wu-Tang Clan.
Any favorite country you filmed in? The one you live in.
Would you ever consider coming back to England? You seem to have bumped into mostly assholes when you were here. As soon as you stop calling soccer "football."
What is the best advice ever given to you? Don't go to a wedding at House Frey.
What was the worst and best beer at beerfest? The answer to both questions: PBR.
Unsure if you said it in your video , sorry if you did. No, I can't remember. There were a lot of good ones. We only had three hours to film, so I was mostly just thinking about getting interviews. I grabbed random beers from booths with short lines. Next year I'll go for real.
Why were all the beer glasses so small? Here in Berlin at the "Biermeile" (something similar to beerfest, could be translated with 'beer strip mall') all beers usually are served in 0.4 L or 0.5 L glasses or bottles. And never under 0.33 L. I wish I would have commented on them in the video, but I didn't realize small beer glasses were weird, because they have so many samples there, and you only have so much time to try them all.
The answer is, we're pussies.
What is your love and hate of YouTube? P.S. Thanks for amusing me with all your videos Joe, I love you! I love making content and putting it up on YouTube. I hate that the revenue is so shitty, and no one helps promote you. The only way to gain subscribers is to put out content every week, and with the type of videos I make, it's difficult.
Thanks for the AMA! My question: do you have some kind of life motto? If so, what is it? Be yourself, avoid jerks, do what you like.
If you'd ever travel to Germany to make a couple of videos, which cities/areas would you like to visit? I would like to do three parts. Part 1 - Berlin Part 2 - Munich Part 3 - Oktoberfest (in Munich)
Have you ever abandoned an interview half way through because the other person just doesn't want to be fucked with? No. I don't try to fuck with people, I just try to have fun interviews. If the interview isn't going to be fun, I can usually tell, and I'll just wrap it up.
Hey Joe big fan. What person alive or dead would you most like to interview? ODB.
Hey Joe,What was one reaction that you got that went betteworse than expected? Who wore it better, with KKK members went well.
Asking to get in a fight on St. Patrick's day did not.
What do you have planned for the Vancouver visit? I'm hoping to make it out, but i've got school n stuff. Love the vids, keep it up! Just going to stay in the hotel room.
Joe, I'm glad it found your channel through Julian Smith. Just wondering, where's you meet Julian at? We were both cast as hosts on the clip show "Smash Cuts" in 2009.
Hey joe, big fan. Love your rapping skeelz, how did you get so funky fresh? How did I get so fresh?
Listening to John Tesh.
And eating human flesh.
When is your feature-length motion picture coming out? Ask Marvel.
Have you ever felt threatened doing any interview? Never, why would I? I don't want to piss people off.
Is there a group of people or a convention that you haven't been able to visit that you would like to in the future. Probably a Redneck Festival or a UFC expo.
Btw I wanted to say hi during dreamhack but the meetup was at the same time as the Starcraft final T_T. Have fun dancing with the Starcraft.
What place in the world (or universe) do you want to visit the most? The Citadel.
Hey Joe, What is one event/topic you haven't gotten to do that you really want to do? Redneck festival, UFC expo, Germany, Australia.
Why don't you include the "Joe Gets" rap with each classic episode? That is one of the best parts. The lyrics are pretty catchy... all I did was upload this, Joe Gets, this is my magnum opus... Thanks! Great to hear you enjoyed it. I feel like on YouTube it's a drag to have the intro music attached for every episode. I might upload it on its own as an extra eventually. There are two versions, I like the second one more, but that one has a lyric - "T-Mobile sponsors me!" - can't use that one, haha.
Do you know the name of the guy who was also on Current TV and did comedy tech reviews? No, sorry.
Excuase me I didn't catch what you said? What?
I'm sad that I missed you at dreamhack. I feel asleep as I was up all night with the ladies. Sure, you were. Uh...me too.
You should make "Joe Goes to HEAT WAVE" It's a car show in Texas. Awesome cars, hot women. I think you'll have a good time there, just bring gallons of sun screen! Well, they always say you should mess with Texas.
I love what you're doing, Joe. And as a fan, I would love to see some of the unshown footage! I KNOW you must have hours of shitty/fan stuff. I keep trying to upload it, but YouTube keeps saying, "No, sorry. Too shitty."
Last updated: 2014-04-14 16:05 UTC
This post was generated by a robot! Send all complaints to epsy.
submitted by tabledresser to tabled [link] [comments]


2014.01.13 05:46 tabledresser [Table] IAmA: I'm an American who spent half of 2013 working in hostels in post-Soviet countries. I've seen plenty of ridiculous things. AMA about hostels, my experiences working in them, or just traveling the region in general.

Verified? (This bot cannot verify AMAs just yet)
Date: 2014-01-12
Link to submission (Has self-text)
Questions Answers
What's the craziest thing you've ever seen in the past year? It's always hard to pick the craziest, but tampon man is a definite contender. He's this Australian party animal. We were out at a foam party and him and his friends are really drunk. One of them is having a great time dancing in the thickest section of the foam. He'll go in one spot, disappear for a few seconds, and pop out at another place. Then this other guy decides to just dive head first into the foam. He splits his head open, bleeding everywhere. We get him to the clinic and they stitch it up, but it's still bleeding. So the doctors give him some gauze to keep over it. He complains that he won't be able to party while holding the gauze to his head. The doctor looks at him in disbelief and is like "well there isn't really much else we can do here," but then he gets an idea, "well we could stitch the gauze onto the wound..." So they do it, and it looks like this guy has bloody tampon stitched onto his forehead. He goes back to partying like nothing ever happened. There's a few other gems to this story like when he asks the driver if he wants a vodka redbull or when he asks for some pain killers because his liver is hurting from all the drinking. The doc suggests drinking less and tampon man laughs and declines.
Have you worked in/visited any Baltic countries? If so how was the experience? Yes I worked in Tallinn, Estonia and absolutely loved it. It's a country that's really up and coming. They're doing really cool things with integrating society and technology. There's fast and free wifi basically everywhere in the city, voting is done online, and you can tie things like your bank account and medical records to your ID card, and they're highly incentivizing tech start-ups. If you're thinking about visiting, do it now while it's still really affordable, because it won't be for long.
That system sounds very convenient, but also risky. Have you ever heard of anybody's ID/bank being hacked through that system? No, but I'm not really an expert, I was only in Estonia for about 2 months. Is it really any riskier than a physical credit card (that doesn't have your picture on it) or an online bank that's only protected by a user name and password?
Would you say hostel is a pretty accurate movie? Yes, I actually worked in a hostel in Slovakia and all we did was torture foreigners.
So how much casual sex did you score or see happening? (all you perverts know you wanted to ask it) A lot. Some people will just fuck in the middle of a dorm room without a care in the world. Sometimes people will applaud and high-five them when they finish. Sometimes they get really pissed off. (Pro tip: If you have to do it, do it in a shower.) Many solo travelers have a very "What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas" type of attitude.
How did you get into that work? Were you paid or was this a volunteer position? Why did I do it? Mostly I was bored and working for a start-up that was going nowhere fast. I knew I wanted to travel, but I was trying to get a job teaching English in South Korea, but I kept having really sketchy interactions with prospective employers. So I went on some volunteering websites like HelpX and Workaway and contacted some people. One of the hostels got back to me pretty quickly and asked when I was available. I said about a month, and they said they'd cover part of my flight if I came next week. So I jumped in.
Why did you spend of 1/2 of your year doing this? Thank you! They were all technically volunteer jobs, so they covered your board, food, drink, and parties However, there were usually opportunities to get some spending money either through weekly stipends or selling things.
What's the most scared you've ever been while working? I was never particularly scared. Most travelers as extremely friendly and hostels usually have rules preventing locals from being guests (they tend to cause most of the trouble, one of the hostels had learned this the hard way shortly before I arrived after a local had trashed the common area and ran off with the cash box.)
The most difficult situation was probably kicking out a homeless guy who had started sleeping in our building's common entrance with some other shops. I felt a little bad because it was extremely cold outside, but he smelled unbelievably awful and was creeping out the guests. None of the staff working at the time had any language in common with him. The first time he showed up I managed to get him to leave without incident, but the second time he was about to fight our black staff member (there's definitely still some racism around). Fortunately some people who were walking by on the street helped resolve the situation.
This black staff member you speak of, where were they from. I'm pretty ignorant on racial demographics around the Black Sea area, but how common is it to see a black person there? He was British. Their isn't much ethnic diversity in Eastern Europe. The Northern countries are basically entirely white. The Southern countries are mostly a mix of Mediterranean ethnicities and white people. I wouldn't be surprised if black people were less than 1% of the population.
I'm looking at opening up my own hostel in a few years time hopefully in Mexico or Central America. What's some advice and things that we should expect in starting and running a hostel? Location is essential for getting business. The staff and events are what separate good hostels from great ones. It's the people you meet and the adventures you have that define the experience (unless the facilities are truly awful). One of my favorite places is this little place that looks like a shit hole in Las Vegas called Hostel Cat, but it's always a night to remember.
EDIT:I think this goes without saying, but make sure there's an adequate common area.
What do you think of eastern european people? Obviously there's a lot of different cultures in the region, but to generalize, people definitely don't filter themselves like they do in the West. They tend to do what they want and not give a fuck what other people think, which can be both a blessing and a curse. I'm excited to go back soon if that tells you anything.
Do you ever have epic dinners? If so, what's your favorite? Yes, group dinners are a big part of hostel life. We had a giant stone, wood-fired oven in Bulgaria that was awesome. To make things even better, the hostel owner was a former cook and the Bulgarian landlord was an amateur botanist so he'd bring interesting peppers and mushrooms to eat. The first time we ate one of his mushrooms he said "Don't worry! If you end up in hospital, I will be there with you!" We'd make our own pizzas which were super delicious and on my last day there we roasted a whole lamb which had only be slaughtered a few hours beforehand. It was to die for.
This is at X Hostel in Varna right??? Yep. CHONGER!!
Any advice for someone looking to do something like this in the near future? Any general contact info or tips? Also did you have a lot of trouble with language barriers? Workaway and Helpx are good places to get started. Make sure to cross reference places with sites like Hostelworld, Hostelbookers, or Booking.
Language barriers are rarely an issue as most travelers have at least a basic understanding of English, and there's usually at least one person on staff who's fluent in the local language. Of course sometimes you have a group of deaf and mute Russians show up, but you'll be amazed at how much you can communicate with just gestures and drawings.
Do you cross reference for safety or just for which hostels are the best? Mostly to see how well their reviews match-up with what they're telling me by email. So a little of both.
Congrats on living the dream! What are your next steps? What kind of start up were you at? What were the best life take-aways you have? I just got certified as an EMT back in the States. I'm currently saving up some money and planning my next move, which looks likely to be graduate school abroad.
It was an entertainment/tech start-up. They have a good idea, but they were having serious problems with their web development team. It became apparent that they were going to have to switch developers, so it was going to take at least 6 months to get up to speed, and I didn't have time to sit around with no earning potential for that long. They just recently relaunched and seem to be doing better.
The biggest lesson for me has been to stop saying "no" to things. Try to say yes whenever reasonable. Don't ask "why?," ask "why not?" I remember one night I had just arrived in a hostel in Ljubljana and I was planning on having a wild night out. One of my roommates asked me if I wanted to go to some lake with her in the morning. I was pretty hesitant at first, I knew I wasn't going to feel great in the morning and I wanted to see the city and castles and whatnot. Besides, it was just a lake, whatever. But owing to my new philosophy I said yes. When the alarm clock went off the next morning I was miserable (although I'd had a great night before!). I was so hungover I came incredibly close to shitting myself on the bus to the lake and I actually ran off the bus when we arrived straight into the bathroom at the nearest cafe. However, Lake Bled turned out to be the most beautiful place I've ever been and I ended up traveling with the same girl for the next week.
I've partied hard in cliche places like Croatia, Prague & Budapest on my travels, but haven't really explored further east than that. What countries/cities would you highly recommend? thanks. Prague is my personal favorite, but I also really like Tallinn and Krakow. I honestly would not recommend the Black Sea, it's far more cliche. I've heard great things about the Balkans, but I haven't made it east of Croatia either. I'm hoping to get over there sometime this summer.
Hi, interesting topic for an ama, thanks. You lined up your work ahead of time? You got a working visa or under the table? Plan on going from hostel to hostel or did one job lead to the next through networking or? I always arranged spots ahead of time via the internet. You could totally go without a plan, but you'd be taking some gambles on places having openings. I've met people who were waiting around for up to a month for openings to pop up for the famous party hostels in Budapest. The jobs were technically volunteer positions so I could do them on a tourist visa.
As an American who would like to visit Eastern Europe, where should I start? Should I find a travel agent? I'm just afraid there are so many ways for a tourist to get conned... It's really not that bad. Do some research online. Start with WikiVoyage, they usually have a section on local scams. Read some reviews on sites like Booking.com, TripAdvisor, and Lonely Planet. The best way to avoid being scammed is to be as self-sufficient as possible and avoid drawing attention to yourself. The only people I had trouble with were taxi drivers at night. You can usually avoid them by taking public transit, and even when you do get scammed it's only like $10. Not the end of the world. Beyond that, just avoid the shady nightlife and you should be fine. I didn't have to pay a single bribe.
How wouldyou say that these groups get along? E.g. Are the people from Belarus on good terms w people from their neighboring countries. Are Russians respected or just tolerated? It really depends on the countries. Belorussians and Russians are on good terms, but most of the other countries can be a bit wary of Russians. For example, calling an Estonian Eastern European or Russian will usually result in an angry rant. Countries like Ukraine and Moldova are generally pro-European, but they have large minorities that are pro-Russian. A lot Balkan countries have strained relations with their neighbors, it really depends.
Did you ever make it to Georgia? I'm heading there for two years soon, so if you have: any tips? No, but I want to go. I had a friend who taught English there and liked it so much he extended his contract.
Also Georgians are fucking crazy! I remember the first time I met two in college, they were just standing in a hallway passing around a fifth of vodka. They offered me some and I took a swig to which they responded "Oh!! American can handle his vodka!" We proceeded to finish the bottle and walked to a party singing Offspring songs at the top of our lungs the entire way.
Did the local women flock to you since you're an American? Were they good looking? Well Estonia has the most models per capita in the world...
In the various countries you lived/worked in, what was the reaction to you being American? People in Krakow and Prague didn't seem to have much of an opinion of me one way or the other when I visited, but in poorer countries are you somewhat of a novelty? Yeah, Prague has the highest concentration of American expats in the world.
I wouldn't say that I was that much of a novelty anywhere. Basically everywhere I've been people's reaction towards being an American has been somewhat positive. I did run into a few green card chasers.
I did hear some stories though. One about a guy who was going to Moldova, and one of the train conductors heard that was an American on board. He brought the American back to his compartment, busted out a case of beer, and they drank and talked about America until they both passed out. Unsurprisingly, Kosovo is also supposed to be really welcoming towards Americans.
Why do the mafia want to throw your recycling away? They operate the garbage collection service, but not the recycling.
I would love to do this but don't know when in my life would be a good time. What made you pull the trigger? How was it being over there by yourself? Did you ever visit Barcelona? Thanks! You want to do this as young as possible. You probably aren't going to be able to do this once you have a significant other (unless they come with you), a pet, or a mortgage. Additionally, you may have difficulty keeping traditional employment or a job that requires constantly refreshing skills or certifications while you do this. So do it before you have these kinds of commitments if possible. I've never been to Barcelona, but I want to go.
What is your favorite part thing about traveling? Do you think you have wanderlust and, if so, when did it start? Yes, I've definitely caught a case of the wanderlust bug. I studied abroad in Copenhagen during college. I didn't actually make that many close friends while I was in Denmark so I decided to take my first solo trip during a break. I went from Vienna to Krakow via Bratislava over the course of a week. During those 7 days, I made so many friends and learned so much about both myself and the places I visited that I was instantly hooked.
There's something I love about meeting people while I travel. It's just so much more natural and fun. And there's so many wonderful people with interesting stories.
I'm seriously considering backpacking from St. Petersburg to Istanbul. As a 20-something woman, is it safe to do this by myself, or should I bring a travel partner with me (as opposed to finding them in hostels)? Yes you should be ok as long as you're responsible. There's a lot of young women traveling solo around Eastern Europe, and you shouldn't have trouble finding people to linkup with. I'm a guy, but I've traveled to other destinations with random people all the time. Just don't take pills from strangers (some people actually do this...). It's just an anecdote, but there was even one girl who had successfully solo hitchhiked through Albania (a notorious haven for human trafficking).
What is the best thing about American tourists? I really like the Americans you tend to meet in the off-beaten path locations. They're usually peace corps people or particularly adventurous study abroad kids and they're almost always super interesting to talk with. I was surprised at how refreshing it was to talk about/do American things, when you hadn't seen another American for a few weeks.
What kind of money did you have on hand when you left? Or did you basically just pay for your flight and worked it out as you went along? I had like $2,500 when I left. In my experience this is definitely not a way to make money, but it is a way to travel for close to nothing. I could've been a little more frugal with food & drink. I had about $600 when I got home.
What was the WORST "toilet situation" you ever encountered? (like were they all decently maintained or were there any in particular which were almost biohazard?) One of the unpleasant aspects of working in hostels is that bathroom maintenance is YOUR responsibility. It was actually pretty manageable and I don't have any horror stories. Fortunately people are pretty good about cleaning their own puke (it happened a lot) and there's a magic powder that turns puke into a sand-like substance in case of emergency.
Our water would go out for a few hours at a time pretty regularly in Bulgaria, so we had to flush the toilets manually by pouring water into them. People learn that one pretty quickly.
Have you found any drugs? When you go out in the touristy area of Varna there are giant signs that say "POPPERS SOLD HERE," if that gives you any idea.
Your receipt is from x hostel. Do you have an X tattoo?? Sadly, I'm not one of the 165 who have one. There was even an in-house tattoo artist this summer! I'm trying to come up with a tattoo design that creatively integrates all the places I've lived, once I figure that out maybe I'll get one.
Did you happen to make it into Belarus? No, my whole trip was pretty impromptu so I didn't managed to make it anywhere that requires prearranged visas.
Have you backpacked anywhere outside of Eastern Europe? Is there anywhere you'd really like to go? Unfortunately I've only backpacked in Europe (I've done most of central and northern Europe.) Peru is #1 on my backpacking list. My ultimate travel goal is to do the Mongol Rally before I'm 30.
Are there requirements for which languages you have to speak in order to work in a hostel? Usually just English, although knowing more languages will generally earn you bonus points. More popular destinations like Spain or France might want Spanish or French too.
Yes, I actually worked in a hostel in Slovakia and all we did was torture foreigners. But seriously, Cesky Krumlov, the town Hostel was filmed in, is one of the most beautiful places I've ever been.
Česky Krumlov--NIIICE! Funny story about Cesky Krumlov. I was wandering around alone trying to buy a few cheesy souvenirs and stock up on cheap booze before heading to Denmark, when I walked into this really kitschy tourist shop. Like, it was prominently displaying pillows with kittens on them. Anyways, the shop owner is this Asian guy, and he sees me and says "You! Come with me." and motions towards the back. He then takes me into the back room and there's fucking guns, knives, booze, knock-off pokemon cards, and all kinds of other contraband back there. I took a brief look at the bootleg hockey jerseys (he only had Jagr, I wanted Hasek) and noped the fuck out of there. Still kind of surreal.
How do you get a job at a hostel. WorkAway, HelpX, Hostel Jobs, Hostel Management, checkout individual hostel Facebook pages for postings, or just show up in person and hope you get lucky. I've seen long term guests (1+ week) get hired on the spot.
Last updated: 2014-01-16 22:57 UTC
This post was generated by a robot! Send all complaints to epsy.
submitted by tabledresser to tabled [link] [comments]


2013.10.03 16:49 tabledresser [Table] IAmA: I've been to every country in the world. Now I'm doing a week-long survival training course in Puerto Rico with Les Stroud (AKA Survivorman)... AMA!

Verified? (This bot cannot verify AMAs just yet)
Date: 2013-10-03
Link to submission (Has self-text)
Questions Answers
Best walking boots? Vans.
Best waterproofs? Dunno. I wore a leather jacket and used a brolly when necessary.
Best Backpacks? Lowe-Apline.
Best booze? TAKAMAKA RUM in The Seychelles! Tasted like alcoholic marshmellows!
Best drugs? I've never taken illegal drugs. I consumed some iboga in Gabon, but it didn't touch the sides.
Best knives? Les swears by his Leatherman, but I'm more of a Victorianox kinda guy.
Best 'cannot live without' item? MY HAT!!!
Friendliest nation? Iran.
Most accommodating females? Oh come on, I had a girlfriend at the time. But Sweden.
Scariest men? Russia (no offence Russia, but you could be telling me what a nice hat I was wearing in Russian and I'd be trembling!)
What was the strangest thing you seen on your travels? Good question! I saw I load of cool stuff but strange... OH I KNOW! A little old grandmother in Madagascar racing down a mountain road in a wooden go-kart.
Are people just the same everywhere you go? In my experience, the vast majority of people are good and what they want in life - security, friends, family, to be loved, a mobile phone - is pretty much universal. Because most news reports on the darker side of humanity, it's easy to think that the world is a terrible place where only bad things happen, but that's simply not the reality I saw while travelling.
Which country has the prettiest women? Iran, Colombia, Madagascar...
How do you fund your travels? I saved up and was given a fee for the footage I shot of the first year from Lonely Planet television. I spend around $10,000 a year, which isn't much when you consider how much travelling I did.
For someone in their early 20's what would be your top 5 MUST GO places and why? Egypt - for the history (but not until things settle down)
Bolivia - for the adventure.
Thailand - for the sheer fun.
Madagascar - for the animals.
Iran - for the people.
What's the scariest (unsafe) place you've been to that you can still recommend others go to? Papua New Guinea, without a doubt. While I was there, there was a plane crash, a riot, a massacre, an earthquake and a tsunami warning... but WHAT an incredible place - over 800 languages, tribes that are over 50,000 years old, areas so inaccessible that no filmmaker has ever been. Keep your eyes open, though!!!
Which countries did you have the most difficulty with entry, and what were the entry processes like? Angola was a nightmare, Nigeria was difficult, Sudan (the second time) was a rigmarole, India is bureaucracy on steroids, but the most difficult to get a visa for was Saudi Arabia. It took six weeks!!
Once I had the visa, I generally had no problems getting in and out. But getting the visa... not the easiest!!!
How many times did you have to get a new passport? I filled 4 bumper 48-page passports on my travels.
What's your least favorite country? Andorra! Boring!!!
Strangest local custom? In Georgia, I was told that if you toasted somebody with beer, it meant you were an enemy. In Turkmenistan you can be arrested for lip syncing in public. In Ethiopia "three in the morning" means 9am. I love these quirky little things, they make the world much more interesting!!
Have you been to pacific islands like Naura or Tuvalu, how has climate change impacted them from your first-hand experience? Yes I've been to both Nauru and Tuvalu (I went to Tuvalu twice). Tuvalu is flooding every year when they have a 'King Tide'. It's only a few inches of water, but it's salty so it destroys the soil. They can't make concrete sea walls (like what they've done in the Maldives) because the ground is compressed coral - it's porous and the water just bubbles up. I was talking to the Prime Minister of Tuvalu about what they're going to do. New Zealand has offered the entire population asylum for when the soil quality has degraded to a point where nothing but palm trees will grow and the salt breaches the water lens.
Nauru isn't so affected by climate change as it's not an atoll but an island, but what happened there -the economic crash and environmental disaster from when the easy-to-get phosphate ran out serves as a microcosm of the challenges that face the world as a whole over the next few decades.
Is it true that you can see the stars clearer than ever when in the Himalayan regions? It's my dream to hike those trails one day. I envy the amount of time you've spent traveling. I feel like there is so much to see in the world. As a 22 year old, I don't want to be stuck working and living in one place my entire life. Any tips on how to get out there and experience the world? The clearest I've ever seen the stars was in the Australian Outback. Up in Nepal and Tibet it's often cloudy, but I imagine once you get above the cloudline, you'll see the brightest stars imaginable. The hardest thing about travel is deciding to go. As I said in another answer, if you speak English you can do TEFL in hundreds of amazing places. I made a vid about travelling on the cheap, just do a search for "travel" in YouTube search. I'm the guy with the hat!!
Will you EVER stop travelling? NEVER!! Although if I win this Samsung SOS-Island thing (www.sos-island.com) I will use the prize to see if I can live on my own on a desert island for a year... "THE YEAR OF GOING NOWHERE".
What did you think of the Balkans? Love 'em! Went on a mad road trip to the Exit festival in 2007 and I've been to Croatia on four separate occasions. If somebody ever asks me where to go on holiday in Europe, I always recommend Croatia and Montenegro - beautiful, unspoilt coastlines... amazing.
Is Les super serious all the time? He seems quite down to earth but I would imagine he's pretty stoic. Les is a good guy, but he does take his survival stuff very seriously (unlike me Link to www.youtube.com) He has picked me out quite a lot, but I'm really not a proper survivalist - I'm more likely to be found sleeping in a bus shelter than in a jungle!!
Also, if you were to recommend a specific place that you've been for the sheer beauty to see, where would it be? As for sheer beauty, there's a lot to choose from on this wonderful little planet, but I'm going to say - for sheer force of nature - the Iguazu Falls on the border of Argentina and Brazil. Link to en.wikipedia.org
How long approximately did you stay in each country and when did you start travelling for the first time to explore? On average I stayed a week in each country - some places I dipped my toe into, others I stayed for weeks waiting on visas or a ship to ferry me to my next destination... so it all worked out in the wash... kinda!
What country gave you the biggest culture shock? I dunno, I had travelled a lot before I did this thing, and I do a lot of research on places before I go. I think I'd have to say India, just because of the poverty, it's just so in-your-face. It's heartbreaking, especially when you consider the amount of money the governments of India (and Pakistan) spend on nuclear weapons that they can never use. And the caste system is horrible.
But that's not to say I don't love travelling around India, I really do - something you learn pretty quickly on the road is that you can't judge a country on the actions of their government.
Im planning a trip to every country in north/south america. The one country im not too stoked on is paraguay. What was it like when you were there? Is there anything there you'd reccommend? Thanks. Well, at the risk of upsetting the entire nation of Paraguay, I spend a few days in Asunción back in 2002 and didn't have the best of times - my cashcard didn't work and no hotel would take my emergency travellers cheque (since then I only have emergency US dollars!!) and I don't really know what to recommend, except not to stay at the same hotel as me. It had room rates by the hour, if you know what I mean...!
Whats your favorite dish now? Ooh the sweet and sour squid with steamed rice I had in Jayapura, West Papua - fresh from the ocean, melted in the mouth. YUMMY.
Hi Graham, I'm wondering what the most physically and mentally tasking situations you'd been in were and how you got out of them. Traversing the world had to come with some pretty serious and interesting situations that those of us who don't travel much would never have thought of. Thoughts? I'll give you a top five.
Six days in jail in Brazzaville, Congo.
Taking a leaky wooden canoe for 4 days over open ocean from Senegal to Cape Verde.
Six days in jail in Cape Verde.
Bush taxi through Guinea.
Trip in a minibus ('mauler') from Lagos to Calabar in Nigeria.
Right! I'm back (mic'd up!). Here's how I got out of them.
The British honorary consul said he wouldn't leave the police chief's office until they set me free.
Held on and hoped for the best.
Released after seeing a judge.
Held on and hoped for the best.
Held on and hoped for the best.
How much is it costing you to take the course with Les? is it a tourist course where the draw is hanging with someone as awesome as Stoud or a serious survival course? Also, ask Les about bigfoot... It's a promo thing for Samsung, so I'm not paying for it, but he is actually teaching the stuff you see on his shows first hand. Yesterday he started a fire in less than two minutes with a couple of sticks. Mighty impressive stuff, I tells ya. And yes, I'll be sure to ask him about Bigfoot.
*How did you get into Cuba, Myanmar, North Korea, etc? Cuba on a yacht from Key West, Myanmar you can cross the border from northern Thailand no problem, you don't need a visa if you're not staying long. North Korea I took a trip to the DMZ. But there are tour companies that'll take you there from Beijing, it's not difficult.
*How much do you estimate you've spent on travel altogether? I hope you'll excuse the Reddiquette here, but I really want to be pushing my current adventure, so I'm going to be signing off the rest of these questions with these links...
*What old-style method of travel do you most wish you could participate in/ride upon? MY NEW BLOG: Link to www.grahamdavidhughes.co SOS ISLAND BOOT CAMP GOES OUT LIVE 1530EST/1930GMT @ Link to www.sos-island.com
Weirdest food you've ever eaten? Fertilized duck egg - or Balut - in Philippines was pretty gross. But this was the weirdest - Link to www.youtube.com and here's me eating it: Link to www.youtube.com
Are you Liverpool or Everton? Everton.
What did you think about Denmark. Asked the dane. And where were you? I have family in Denmark and I've been there more times than I can remember. I've also been to two Roskilde festivals (2001 and 2006) and love the bones of the place... I hope to be back before Christmas - I need a pint of Carlsberg Christmas Lager!!
What was the most unique experience you had so far? CLIMBING THE GREAT PYRAMID IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT!! And a close encounter with a young Orangutan in Borneo. And swimming with the jellyfish in Palau - Link to www.youtube.com (not my vid!).
Have you been to Costa Rica? How long? What did you think? I live here and have different opinions than most who just visit... I was only in Costa Rica for a couple of nights, not long enough to draw a solid opinion about the place, but what can I say? The people are lovely, the scenery is stunning and the food is delicious! I want to go back there, I didn't spend enough time in Central America as a whole, to be honest.
Been following your travels from my B3ta days, So which countries would you definitely like to go back and visit more of? Hey dwoody! Thanks for sticking with me! Top of my list of countries to return to (and spend a bit more time there) would be Palau, Ethiopia, Rwanda, Madagascar, Mongolia, Bhutan, North Korea, Russia, Mexico and pretty much everywhere in Central America.
Sort of a selfish question: Did you like Estonia? :p YES! The Estonian police that questioned me after I waded across a river into Russia were very polite! Another place I'd love to return to for an extended period, along with Latvia and Lithuania. And your woman are smokin'! ;-D.
Is there a momento, particular picture, collectible you bring back from each place you visit? No, kidding. I got a banknote or a coin from every country. One day when I have a coffee table I'm going to lay them all out on top and cover with glass. I also took a small stone from every country. I keep them in a jam jar.
I hope you don't say snowglobe :p. Snowglobes!!
(source) I spent two weeks in Brazil in 2002 - I went to Rio and Sao Paulo. And a week in Uruguay. A week in Chile in Santiago and Valparaiso. Three weeks in Bolivia GOING EVERYWHERE (WATCH THIS:Link to www.youtube.com.) I've been to Ireland dozens of times. I've been to Norway 3 times before Link to www.youtube.com I've been to Switzerland 4 times before. I spent six weeks in Cape Verde, three weeks in Madagascar and three weeks in Comoros - more than 300 days of my journey were spent in Africa. Your list should read "Suriname, French Guiana (which isn't a country), Cuba, Belize, a handful of African countries, Ukraine, Mongolia and North Korea. I admit this and do not pretend to know more about travelling through these nations than I do - that's not to say I'm not acutely aware of the political situation and history of these places. You want to talk to someone who has spent time in 50 countries, talk to me. You want to talk to someone who has spent time in 150 countries, you want to talk to me. You want to be a huge negative dick and show the world that you're a huge negative dick by posting on Reddit, be my guest. Oh you just did. What was your question again?
Have you been to Pitcairn Islands or Tristan da Cunha? No. In a few years time, I want to do a follow-up adventure where I go to 101 territories around the world without flying... Pitcairn and Tristan (and Henderson) will be on there!
Which country has the best food? In your opinion. Tricky... I think Ethiopia is going to have to win that one. Unexpectedly delicious!!
What are you doing in Puerto Rico ATM? How is it like? I'm taking part in Samsung's SOS Island challenge. It's a week of survival training with Les Stroud, and then if we pass boot camp, we have to live on an uninhabited island for two weeks - sleeping rough and foraging for food - we've been given Samsung Galaxy S4 Zoom Cameraphones and Samsung NX cameras to document it all, Les Stroud style.
You can watch our boot camp LIVE today at 7:30GMT (that's 3:30pm New York, 8:30pm London and 5:30am Sydney) at Link to www.sos-island.com
You can also catch up with my latest blogs, tweets and whistles at Link to www.grahamdavidhughes.com
Have you ever been to Sri Lanka? I have!! I spent three months there last year! You can read about it on my old blog site Link to www.theodysseyexpedition.com
MY NEW BLOG: Link to www.grahamdavidhughes.com
SOS ISLAND BOOT CAMP GOES OUT LIVE 1530EST/1930GMT @ Link to www.sos-island.com
What is the most underrated place you have been to? Also to a seasoned traveler where would you recommend to go if they want to really get out of their comfort zone? Also favorite country in Asia? Iran, Iran and Iran.
Is that cheating?!
Okay, Ethiopia, Papua New Guinea, Thailand.
Also another question, based on your travels, If you could pick a top five who has the most functional and actually working for the peoples interests government? Sweden.
Denmark.
New Zealand.
Switzerland.
The UK (yes we complain a lot, but we do have the NHS which is amazeballs)
My family's from Lithuania and one day I'd love to go what were your thoughts on it? Vilnius is one of the most attractive cities in Europe, you'll have a blast.
Do you remember much from New Zealand? LOTS!!! Not just the scary-assed bungee jump I did in Queenstown back in 2002, but on this trip I went to Auckland, Hobbiton (if you watch my 'One Second Every Nation' video on YouTube, I'm in Hobbiton when I say "New Zealand"), Rotorua, Tauranga, Lake Taupo, National Park, Napier, Wellington, Dunedin and Fiordland.
Have a Saudi or any Khaliji passport (Qatar, U.A.E., Oman, Kuwait, Bahrain). Get an Umrah(islamic piligrimage) or Hajj(another kind of islamic piligrimage) visa. Get a request or invite from someone "important" in Saudi Arabia. I got 'sponsored' by a company in the UK and a company in KSA. It cost $250 and took 6 weeks but I got a multiple entry business visa.
I loved your video, but the only visit I found dubious was counting the little "step over the line" at the Korean DMZ as actually entering NK. Unless you also took a tour from the Chinese side of course... Yeah well, whatchagonnado? I went to Nauru and Seychelles without flying - the challenge of getting to those countries far outweighed the challenge of giving a Chinese tour company $1000 to take me to Pyongyang for a few days.
Last updated: 2013-10-07 14:43 UTC
This post was generated by a robot! Send all complaints to epsy.
submitted by tabledresser to tabled [link] [comments]


2013.09.08 18:12 tabledresser [Table] IamA long time employee of the tourism industry, from cruise ships in the Caribbean to Alaskan wilderness lodges. Ask me anything about the industry or the chaotic and debauched lives of it's employees.

Verified? (This bot cannot verify AMAs just yet)
Date: 2013-09-08
Link to submission (Has self-text)
Questions Answers
As time goes by, you become specialized, the pay gets better, but all the while your friends ashore have moved on with their lives and you were not there, so your connection with them fades. Instead you make new friends in each boat you're in, but it's people that perhaps you will never see again. Every time I get finished with a contract I'm like well fuck all that noise. I'm out. I've retired from the industry about 10 times.
The last thing she told me was that all the people on the boat are constantly bitching that they want to return home. But when they're home they immediately get on another boat, because for them, there is no "home". Then after a few months, you're bored. Normal jobs are monotonous. People are dull. You wake up in the same place every day. You just feel stimulated.
Any comments? The joke is that in October we all hate our jobs, and we're done forever. By December we're thinking it wasn't so bad, and by May we're back on the fucking boat.
Okay, so, when I was on a cruise to Alaska, they had signs on the ship saying not to into the crew area even if you're invited. Does this happen a lot? Do the crew and guests occasionally hookup? But this is one of the first things you're told. If you do it, you're done. No exceptions. You can not slap meat with a guest. Does it happen? Of course. People will always find a way. But it's discrete.
Have you ever seen this happen to a coworker? Getting fired for having sex with a passenger, that is. Several. Folks in the massage department were particularly prone to getting fired that way. And as for what happens then, it can vary based on offense. If you've really fucked up they'll get your shit for you and disembark your ass at the next port.
Edit: How does firing work on a cruise ship in the middle of a voyage? Also depends on citizenship, of course.
Does the passenger get punished in any way? Yeah, with a long list on STDs.
I'm about to go on my first cruise. what is something you wish all passengers would know but you could never tell them? Say hello and smile. That's the same thing they tell employees, but it's what I tell my friends when they go on cruises. Don't just walk up to employees and yell drink orders or take hor d'oeuvres off their trey like they're not there. Say hello, smile, and make your requests. It makes our lives better, and that makes your trip better.
We're only human. If you're going to treat employees like garbage they're not going to be overly eager to tend to your desires. If you're friendly and talkative, they'll seek you out and do their best to make sure you're having the best time possible. Trust me.
Where you at? I mean, specifically what city and bacoffee shop? My guess, The Viking in Juneau. I literally just walked past the Viking. Get out of my head.
As a Juneauite and longtime tourism worker, I know crew seems to LOVE the Viking...but the Alaskan's WAY better. I'm Princess all the way, that's all I'll say. Because it is likely, I know just about all the local operators.
Also this is a surreal reddit experience, as it could be very likely I've seen you before. The only question is...Coral Princess or Millennium? Also the Alaskan is full of hippies.
Not waiting for verification due to the eloquence of your other comments on the subject. I've heard that some (many?) cruise employees are actually highly educated individuals from countries that have fallen on hard times. This may only apply to crew in EMEA regions. What's the general make-up of crew you've worked with? There was a famous incident of a musician taking charge of a rescue operation after a cruise ship ran aground and the captain basically avoided all responsibility. (I'll find the reference and post it. It's Link to www.oceanossinking.com - Thanks FuctUp!) Would you? What's the feeling amongst crew about running into trouble? You spoke of our being unable to believe the limits of human stupidity of passengers and their antics. Can you supply some best-of stories and why you think they leave their brains on shore? Absolutely true. Most of us are very educated people who just couldn't find work in our chosen careers. At least the people guests deal with are. The general make-up of people I've known is evenly divided between people who are just working what they see as an odd job before their real life begins. Other people are just lifelong wanderers who can't stomach the idea of a real job or commitment to anything. It's perfect for them.
It varies. To be honest, most of us really dislike them. Because 70% of them are rude and hostile. I've seen guests doing incredibly inhuman shit to my co workers. We get defensive of eachother, honestly a bit cliquey, and tend to see the situation as us and them. However, that's not the full situation. There's that 30% of guests that really make it all worth it. Most of us are really in the industry because we love meeting new people and getting to know them. If we reach out to guests and they reach back, then that makes all the difference. But we can't be the only ones to do it, we can't make them enjoy themselves.
We're all trained. Over and over again. And we're always trained to help guests first. The staff is always going to do the bulk of the rescue work because we're the ones trained to do it. If it came down to reality, who could truly say what would happen. But that's the situation.
You mention the guests are often rude and hostile. Are some routes worse than others? Or are types of people worse than others? The Alaskan route is the worst, simply because it's mostly elderly people from New York with little patience for the laid back nature of things up here. Caribbean is easiest, because people just like to sit around and drink on the open sea. Alaska has few sea days. People are restless and cold.
What's the worst thing you witnessed on the ship? Well that would depend on how dark we want to go.
Probably the single worst thing I've witnessed as far as something in the public eye was a particularly bad outbreak of the Norovirus in the midst of a cruise tour a few years back. Up around 20 people wandering around firing volleys of dull coloured liquid out every hole on their bodies at the speed of sound.
Of course they were quarantined and kept away from everyone else, as usual. But still, when the breakout was in full swing it was horrible. People would just be hanging out on deck or in the casino and then it'd hit them like a freight train. And the quarantine rooms after they left...oy.
If someone dies do you guys carry the body around or just leave it at a random port? Generally we'll take the body on board with us unless a relative requests otherwise. Frequently the dead are cruising with family and they typically just want to get off as soon as possible and take care of the corpse personally.
Give us something really good and dark. :) We desire to see the dark heart of the souls of men! The story I was telling earlier in morbidreality was an incident where a teenage girl met a guy she fancied on the boat. They discovered later that they were roomed right next to each other. Anyway, later that night she wanted to go to his room but couldn't leave through the main door or else wake her parents.
So she opted for the balcony. Tried to climb over and leap to his balcony. Slipped, and fell about 16 stories to the ocean below. She was never recovered.
That was a pretty dark event.
What legal rights do you have in terms of quarantining someone? Surely they could say it was a form of kidnapping? Captain is God at sea. We're not generally under anyone's laws, but that's not to say we don't follow them. We quarantine for the good of the guest and those around them. It'd be utterly irresponsible and dangerous not to quarantine them, no government would try to pressure us in another direction.
Saw in the other thread that you said cameras are always watching. I snuck into the spa area where the massage table was on several nights with girls I met on the cruise. Made a lot of mess. Are you saying they had this on video? Gulp. Most likely. And we're proud of you. Get 'em tiger.
This is one of the more interesting AMAs; thanks. Honestly I got into this because I love people. I love meeting people from strange places and getting to know them. I love hearing stories and having conversations. I'vealso always loved traveling, so a career that combined those two loves seemed natural. On the boats I was always part of the Shore Excursion staff. The people who build, sell, and plan the tours. Sounds dull but being the guy who sells your product makes the operators kiss your ass pretty hardcore. On my 23rd birthday I was flown up to the top of Alaskan glacier with a bunch of friends by helicopter. For free. We sat high up over the world getting wasted and having snowball fights. That's something I'd never have gotten to do otherwise.
What got you started in the tourism industry? Did you study hospitality management, or work in the restaurant industry? What kind of jobs did you work within the tourism industry (specifically on the cruise lines). Who did you work for; and if you worked for multiple companies, who were the better employers? As for companies, my favourite has always been Holland America and Princess. Princess being my choice.
As someone who has worked a variety of jobs in the restaurant industry who has recently transitioned into sales, I have thought about working on a cruise line - specifically bartending. If you have comparable experience as a landlubber, what are your thoughts on the two? If I decided to pursue this for a year or two, how should I prepare stateside? Give up my apartment, throw my shit in a storage unit, and just go with the flow? Or does some serious planning help? Planning always helps. But not too much. Understand what you're getting into, beyond that it is a good idea to give up what you can. Have as few bills as possible. That's always been my strategy. Otherwise go with the flow.
What kind of debauchery takes place? The normal get drunk fuck the waitress on a sack of potatoes in the walk-in, or some crazy shit like a circle jerk at the poker table while the chef is cutting lines of coke on the bar with two guests giving him a double bj? I can't even begin to describe. All the stereotypical wild west crap is present in this industry. We end up in very sketchy places. I'm talking waking up in brothels with a nose bleed from all the coke, and playing the adult easter egg hunt. Frantically searching for your pants, keys, and wallet before sprinting back to the ship. If there is a vice, we've got it. And we've got it down to a science.
How scared should I be? You shouldn't be scared. Cruise ships are more like floating villages than anything. They've all got very ample medical provisions and facilities, and everything is planned and coordinated very well.
Have you ever seen a cruise line get the justice they deserved? I said it in that thread earlier, but i'll say it again for measure. Literally millions of people sail with us every single year, and we only ever have a few incidents in any given season. It's safe.
Do they EVER lose a lawsuit? As for the lines getting some comeuppance from the law, I've heard of a few, yes. There's times when something happens that is clearly our fault, like when those boats recently died in the water. Or when that idiot ran his ship aground in Italy. It happens all the time, we're actually under a lot of scrutiny. Rightfully so.
How many passengers have you slept with? Officially? None. Unofficially? Many to a lot.
Please say more about that? I was actually dating a girl from back home when I first came aboard. If you're unaware, tourism work is a fuck fest. Everyone is humping everyone. But for the first two years I was dedicated to my girlfriend and didn't cheat. After that went to hell I went off on a pretty decent tangent.
I've never banged a guest on the boat. That's risky and will get you fired. On my days off or when I was working on the pier...that was a different story. I've met more than a few guests off the boat for drinks/quickies in the tour shack.
After a while it all got pretty gross. I checked out on the casual pound fest before I dick started growing mushrooms on it.
Were you not using a condom? I've double wrapped and still ended up pouring listerine on my dick.
It ain't a fuck fest if you go with your girlfriend and her family -_- Not with that attitude.
There's your problem. Double bagging causes tears in the condom. Where were you 3 years ago to tell me that? What good are you?!
Most annoying customer? I've been staring at this question for about 10 minutes trying to choose one specific guest. I really don't know. I've been choked, spit on, harassed and insulted. Looking back and trying to choose just one of those people to throw overboard would be impossible.
Jesus, choked? What caused that kind of reaction? Some other employee giving bad directions. I just happened to be walking by with a name tag.
How did you respond? I really couldn't do anything. His arm looked like it snap like a stale tortilla chip if I moved it. I just kinda stood there.
I'm not the dramatic type. Not like he could actually hurt me. Guy was as old as the Parthenon.
Could you elaborate on the amount of cameras? Are they inside the rooms? Whats the worst thing that your ship has caught on camera? If you're not in the bathroom or in your stateroom, we're watching. That's a reality. But no, if you're in your room you're not on camera. Otherwise they're hidden everywhere. The ones you can see are the tip of the iceberg.
As for the worst thing we've seen as the girl I mentioned in the other thread. Falling off the ship 16 stories into the black down below. That was supposedly pretty surreal to watch.
Other than that we've seen some people piss all over the place and old ladies giving handjobs. You know, the regular.
Old ladies giving handjobs? To whom? Old men, I assume. Maybe a banana platter if their vision is bad.
Did you ever get stowaways? Never had one on my boat, but it does happen. If they're caught they're booted off at next port.
We also have guests with a lot of money who book rooms for months or even a year and just ride our ship all over the place. They basically live on board.
How is the food stored and prepared on a cruise ship? i work in fast food, and i was wondering if it was better or worse than how we prepare it there. I honestly didn't work in that department, but it is effectively stored and restocked at every new sailing. At the very worst, the food can occasionally be left out a bit too long at the buffet. But not often with the way guests eat.
What happens when a passenger is discovered to be missing? Security checks camera footage, calls are made to the most recent port to see if they've been left behind. Frequently someone just missed their boat and it's all well and good, but then there's the few times where something has actually happened. At that point the footage comes into play.
Were you higher up or just a day to day worker? I have heard that the 'average' employees don't really make any money other than enough to get by on cruise lines, is that how it is? It's true that the pay is...not so great for day to day guys. I was in a middle to upper level position. I'm in a supervisor position now in shore operations.
I've always felt bad for the day guys. They do 90% of the work for jack shit while my coworkers and I sat up top and browsed the web all day.
I'm in a supervisor position now in shore operations. I had to work my way up. I started as a local operator working with the boats in Alaska. I just busted my ass. Made myself known. Took cruise staff out for drinks, never was late. Never panicked or got stressed. After 2 seasons of showing that I had it in me, offers came in quick.
Did you have to work your way up for that, or were you originally placed in a mid-level position because of schooling or something? What kind of stuff do you have to do when you're not redditing with a fierce passion? After that I got offered my position simply because it suited my skill set from shore.
Thanks for your answers - I didn't expect this AMA to be so interesting. It really is all about who knows your name in this industry. Make friends.
What is the biggest thing you would watch out for if you were a passenger instead of an employee? Norovirus. Don't fuck with the walk. Sanitize.
In /morbidreality you wrote that death/people going overboard wasn't uncommon. Does any of these incidents still haunt you or were you just used to it at some point so that it doesn't affect you any more? I've been faced with mortality a few times over. In a way they've all affected me in a certain way, but it's not really something I can do much about. Sometimes it's weird. Like there was a particular incident where I man slipped on the gangway and died due to a head injury. A week later I was back there watching that same gangway go down on that same pier. Blood was gone, guests were having a great time. Everyone blissfully unaware. But I still look at that spot and think about it.
Honestly, I'm perhaps a bit too used to seeing death. I grew up in Northern Ireland and saw plenty of it there as well. It doesn't haunt me anymore so much as it just gives me pause for thought.
I swear, almost every accident I hear with people on cruises always has something to do with the gangway. The gangway is the most deadly predator native to cruise ships. Don't underestimate it.
Sorry, what's the gangway? The ramp/stairs set up along the pier to allow people off the boat.
Whats a massage gig like there? Dirty. Fruitful, as well. You'll get paid and tipped well.
Just be prepared to get some fucked up requests. Old people are not as sweet as you think..
Example? I mean, I never dealt with it. But if you ever ask one of those poor girls about the shit they hear...my God. One girl was telling me the guy offered her like $500 for a happy ending and said he could get her a greencard (she was Estonian)
Like I said, fruitful.
When you confiscate people's alcohol/drugs brought onboard either at the start of the trip or from port--where does it go? What's the craziest way you've seen someone try to sneak alcohol/drugs onto the ship or from room to room? Any deaths related to the attempts made? I'm honestly not at all familiar with security. I know it's mostly just "disposed of". How exactly that happens is honestly out of my department.
I've never heard of a death due to attempted smuggling, but there's always crazy ways people are trying to smuggle booze and all that back on after porting. I've heard of people trying to bribe, putting booze in unsavory places, trying to force their way through. It's all very bizarre, because we really don't generally care that much.
A common argument is that people want to buy this exotic onshore booze and take it home, so they smuggle. Fully unaware that we'll check any amount of booze for you and give it back at the end of the cruise, and you're actually allowed to bring on a bottle of booze yourself.
What is the worst part of working on a cruise ship? The isolation. You're gone for months at a time lumbering along on this oversized hotel that you can't really leave.
My first two contracts I had a girlfriend back home. I had an apartment. A whole real life, but no way to access them outside my floating bubble. It's like the world doesn't exist outside the boat. It's just all there is.
I'd imagine cruise life makes having any sort of relationship with someone not on the ship extremely difficult, eh? It does. I've never been one to cheat so infidelity wasn't an issue. But being apart is. I've essentially given up on dating due to my job. Dating on the boat is folly. It ends badly. So I just accepted that I can't really date and will probably die alone face down on the wet floor of a pub toilet.
I was thinking about getting a degree in sound engineering (or something in that field) then doing contract work on cruise ships either in the main theatre or the clubs. Application sites outlined very good pay and it is something I would enjoy... Would you recommend this as an option? Absolutely. I always recommend pursing work on cruise ships. It can be tough and chaotic, but it's also the best time I've ever had. If you like to party, you'll party hard. If you like travelling, you're getting paid to do it. It's worth the hard work.
Greatest night of your life? Craziest thing you or someone you saw get away with? The craziest thing I've ever gotten away with was going to a brothel with a guest while on the clock. To be fair, I didn't know what was going on. I may or may not have been the one to lead him there.
What was the most frightening thing that you saw in the wilderness lodges? And the cutest animal that you encountered out there! Cutest animal? Some little moose calves along the road near Denali. Most frightening thing? The Grizzly who came out of the woods and tore them to shreds 20 seconds later.
What is the average salary for a regular crew member? It totally depends on what you're doing. It can get as shitty as $800 a month to well over $8,000. The housekeepers, cooks, and cleaning staff make fuck all. It's sad really, but given that most are from pretty disadvantaged countries $800 a month is probably decent.
Is it true theres a baclub for employees only deep within the bowels of the ship? What happens if you try to bring a non-employee to it? Of course. The employee bar is the real world Mos Eisley. Drinks are dirt cheap, it's filthy and unsupervised. Guests can't go there, though. Probably a good thing.
Thanks for doing this AMA! Now I know that this may not be answerable but is there any cruise line that someone should completely avoid? For really any myriad of reasons (can be the treatment of employees, or the food cleanliness, etc.). I have a bit of a distaste for Celebrity and Carnival. Just for employee conditions, I've not heard any true horror stories from any line. Still, when it comes to food and cleanliness it's like a hotel. You get what you pay for. Holland America, Regent and those luxury liners are going to have the best quality. Princess is my personal choice, a good mix of down to earth environment and quality.
Is he cute? Adorable.
How did you get your job, what qualifications (if any) did you need, and would you recommend it to a random young person? I got the job through a process. I had prior guest service experience and spoke a few languages, though that I got employment with shore operations. Worked my ass off abd made my name known to those on the ships, and when I applied I was already a front runner. It's all who you know, and who knows you.
What kind of drugs did you guys have on board? Interested in a "employment opportunity" you could say lol. Cocaine and Molly were the most widely consumed. Pot wasn't really an option due to the smell. I tried Mushrooms on the deck one time and nearly had a mental breakdown. Stuck with Molly after that.
If the staff are all hooking up with each other and the passengers, do STDs become a problem? Do the medical facilities handle a lot of that? Yeah..lot of shots in the ass going around.
Has your ship ever had any lifestyle cruises on board? How decadent do these get and do the employees ever secretly partake? They're usually pretty normal. We have a LGBT cruise that I've worked on before. That one was just hilarious. All the women book ATV rides and the men book garden tours and tea parties. It's great.
Hey, is this the type of job a married couple can do? Do they get the same crew quarters? Is this even possible? It's certainly been done. It's possible. It also frequently ends in divorce.
This is probably going to get buried with the rest of the other questions... But I should ask it because it was my thesis in college. Conservation is near and dear to my heart. Especially as an Alaskan who wants to keep this place beautiful. My honest opinion is that I wish we could turn down the volume of cruises and land tours here and elsewhere. The pollution that these boats leave behind is staggering, especially with the guests who frequently litter. Not to mention the infrastructure built to accommodate them. I think tourism needs to change. We can't keep flooding these beautiful areas with pollution and commercialism if we want our kids to be able to enjoy them. ss beautiful as they are, they're fragile. I know that didn't really answer your question. I really can't claim to know much on that topic. I just know that I love nature and with that love comes respect. We can't just turn everything into a tourist destination with shops and car parks. Sometimes we need to leave it alone.
How do you feel about the current status and the future of the ecotourism industry? (Biologically, economically sustainable tourism with money that goes towards all parts of the community, including the lower class.)
My family and I are avid cruisers, so thank you very much for what you have done. I've heard horror stories from some of the crew members I've talked to, and yet all of it goes unnoticed by the passengers. In the previous thread you stated that cameras are EVERYWHERE. How extensive is the network of cameras really, and who has access to the (live and recorded) footage? It's very extensive. I'm not exaggerating that at all, they're everywhere. As for access, only authorized security personell. Nobody else was even allowed near the security room. Even I would have been sacked had I gone in there.
How are the sleeping conditions? Do you sleep in a room with a bunch of other people? Or is it like a dorm where you bunk with another person or two and have a communal bathroom? Depends on your job and the boat. I often had my own room, but others may have had to share with multiple people.
Also how many hours of the day do you work and how do your days off work? Again, depends on the job. Cleaning staff works ridiculous hours. To the point that they're not scheduled to work, they get schedules for sleeping. I was pretty standard 8-10 days with two days off a week.
Is there a job on the ship you'd rather do or that you think would be the most fun? I dunno. I like my job. There's some guy up on the bridge that has a giant cut out human hand and gets to dance around and wave it at people below. I'd do that. That sounds cool.
How does one get in this business? I don't live near the water, but have always thought it would be a very interesting way to live for a few years. Just apply. This is a huge industry and not many people are willing to sign their life for 6 months. There's more opportunities than you think.
How many times have you shit your pants due to norovirus? If pants were alive, they'd try me at the ICC for genocide.
What can you say about the safety training that people receive who run cruise ships? Are they prepared? Rigorously. We train constantly for emergency situations.
Im from Argentina and I'm curently studying english and portuguese, also I will learn french, I want to specialize in languange, and I really don't know what to do with my life, I guess Ill be a teacher, but Working on a cruise is something I can see myself doing, I don't care if I have to start from the bottom, I really don't care about the money and I have no obligations ... So, How do I get a work into a cruise from let's say Buenos aires, or RIo de janeiro, or Venezuela, to the caribbean... Do I have privileges over the others applicants because I having a speaking, reading, or writing knowledge of several languages?? You definitely get a preference for being multi lingual. That's partially what got me on board. And strangely, Argentines are very prevalent in the industry. I've known dozens. Maybe they actively recruit there.
Tldr; how can I get a job on a cruise? and do I get extra possibilities because I know English-spanish-portuguese.. etc? Unfortunately I'm not much use anymore with applications and recruiting. I'm not sure how it works these days. It sounds incredible basic but just try applying online. With your skills and some service industry background, your application will be seen.
Drugs ? going on your quote before when talking about law "Captain is God". What is the general consensus about drug use ? As long as you're not on the Lido Deck trying to eat a chair, they just generally try not to see it.
How often do people fall off? And what's their chance at being recovered alive? Rarely. It'd pretty much have to be intentional. We do everything we can. Boats are in the water and spotlights shine within minutes of the call. If the person is alive and wants to be found, they generally are.
Last updated: 2013-09-12 15:38 UTC
This post was generated by a robot! Send all complaints to epsy.
submitted by tabledresser to tabled [link] [comments]


2013.06.07 17:53 tabledresser [Table] IAmA: I'm Jaan Tallinn, co-founder of Skype, Kazaa, CSER and MetaMed. AMA.

Verified? (This bot cannot verify AMAs just yet)
Date: 2013-06-07
Link to submission (Has self-text)
Questions Answers
Thoughts on what microsoft has done with skype? Microsoft: skype was acquired 3-4 times, depending on how you count, and microsoft was certainly different, since the earlier acquirers basically left the company mostly untouched (eg, it continued being a luxembourg business), whereas microsoft seems to be actually trying to squeeze out as much value (a.k.a. "synergies") from skype as possible (eg, actually integrating skype into their platforms and products).
PRISM: interesting situation. basically we have the word (and documents) of a whistleblower against the word of PR departments of respected tech companies. without knowing the details (just having read couple of articles from HN) i would assign equal credence to both sides.
How much of the 8 Billion did you get as tax-free take-home pay? Nothing, because i sold my shares to EBAY, not microsoft (as i said above, skype has been acquired several times).
Your PRISM response is dodgy at best. Whistle blowers with documents and proof vs people paid to lie in a clever way...and you say both have equal credence? To clarify, by "equal credence" i did not mean that they are both right, but "given the information i have (which is very little!) i would assign roughly similar probabilities to their statements being true".
That is ridiculous. Oh, and i disagree with the "people being paid to lie" statement.
How does it feel to have a capital city named after you? Capital city: heh, yeah, i wish.. tallinn (the city) has about a 1000-year head-start on me unfortunately. which when we'll be looking back on this in a couple of billion years will hardly matter of course :)
What happened? Kazaa and malware: what happened was that a) kazaa (like napster before it) failed to negotiate licensing deals with content companies, while b) the "paid downloads" industry was offering extremely lucrative deals.
Had you lost control of it by then? One thing to remember is that malware industry pretty much started around then and co-evolved with the likes of kazaa -- so it was constantly trying to find a balance between agressiveness and sustainability. much like real world viruses are, i might add.
Why is it that when I hit the close button on skype, it minimizes it? Who thought of that? That's standard behaviour for IM clients (after which skype was modeled). the client needs to remain running in order for other people to be able to contact you. skype was (and, to a significant degree, still is) P2P.
How do you think programming and philosophy relate to each other? do you think everyone is a philosopher? Oh, wow, an excellent question! i think programming can help people to overcome the mind projection fallacy, because you develop a sense of what it means to have your thoughts fully specified. this is extremely important in philosophy (not to mention other areas!) that has a really bad track record due to treating intuitions as evidence (or, as my friend michael vassar puts it, "philosophers have been spectacularly bad at recognising that their insights are produced by cognitive algorithms"). in my view philosophers have had thousands of years to come up with interesting thoughts and questions, but now we need answers, and they better be in the form of executable computer code!
How do you pronounce Kazaa? Internally we pronounced it ka-ZAH. the project was originally called KAA (after a restaurant in amsterdam, i was told), but we were not able to procure kaa.com domain, so the project was renamed to kazaa.
Who in the tech business world do you most respect, and who do you respect the least? Most: out of the well known figures, i would have to go with elon musk -- it's uncanny how much he resembles hank rearden! least: no one in particular comes to mind, but as a reference class, i would probably go with people who optimise their companies to be as fashionable as possible in order to attract investments (vs doing something that makes an actual difference). not that i can't understand them.
I'm puzzled. Tl;dr: humans - including prominent people - mostly do things that feel intuitively right to them, and our instincts value things that give you social status, meaning that you have to focus on things that a) most people easily understand (not the case with x-risks that are rather abstract) and b) where you can get short term feedback (again, not the case with x-risks).
It got removed! why??? i never knew of this skype me... Skype-me was a special presence you could set, making you visible to the entire world. unfortunately, we got a lot of complaints from users who accidentally set it and then were disturbed by unsolicited calls from strangers. so eventually, a business decision was made to get rid of it instead of fixing it.
Why do you think you've been able to work on such amazing technology? What do you differently than most that gives you such opportunities? My passion is definitely x-risk and related topics. it seems both the most important thing i could spend my time on, as well as the most rewarding in terms of people i get to work with (see previous point).
Outliers was a fascinating book. I feel like there's a story somewhere about your choosing people who care about being right more than appearing convincing... Care to share? Well, i don't remember any particular story off the top of my head, but i was lucky to attend a high-school that had the internal culture of math and physics being cool (eg, back then we used to dominate estonian math and physics olympiads, so there was a lot of positive feedback), and i believe that did influence me quite a bit (actually, 3 of the 4 skype founding engineers come from that same highschool class).
One of the issues my wife and I frequently discuss is the poor diagnostics found in modern hospitals and from doctors, the major issue being, "To a hammer, all problems are a nail." A personal example is that I went to the VA and was diagnosed with PTSD. Seth Horowitz did an AMA and in 5 minutes, with the same information the VA had, was able to identify the exact issue I had. Is this type of "crowdsourcing" medical problems the goal of MetaMed? You're right -- metamed has lots of stats on the challenges of healthcare system that we're hoping to address. we don't aim to do crowdsourcing per se (unless we figure out an effective way to do that!). instead, as i wrote here, our plan is to identify (and train) people who are good when it comes to evaluating evidence in the medical literature, and then have them do research for our clients (of course, we do plan to expand our advisory board over time, so we could have various experts at hand as well)
How good does it feel to have altered human sexuality? Haha! as my american friends would say, exciting! :)
How does one juggle programming, family, and being a founder of more than one organization? I want to know, what sort of sleep regimen and schedule do you keep? You never seem to be late, so would like to know, how you keep yourself organized. TODO-s and delegation :) (i really should delegate more of my coding projects, but i have the "old programmer's" problem of having hard time trusting other people's code).
Hey duude! My question is: If you had to start your career from scratch, would you go into the same parts of computer science, or do you wish you had tried some others? The thing with programming as a career is that the hardware we had when i started in late 80-s was so different from the hardware we have today -- to a degree where i would argue that being a programmer today is a different occupation than being a coder back then. so i couldn't do it all over again even if i wanted to.
Hi Jaan, thanks for your time today and for all your philanthropy! I'm hoping to get your opinion on the optimal distribution of resources/education. Do you think it's a better investment to focus on the best minds in hopes of developing new, revolutionary ideas; or to distribute our efforts to raise the education level of society as a whole? I guess that depends on the eventual goals. i have been thinking about this very question in the context of existential risks, and there it seems to boil down to timelines: since education takes time, it would not be very useful against risks that need to be addressed in the next decade or so. however, for longer term risks, it clearly is, so as long as one tries to address a wide range of possible scenarios, (effective) education can certainly play a very important role. hence my support to the center for applied rationality for example.
1.What do you think about when you start a tech start-up? (no really, what would you say were your frame of mind, at launch) Doing a startup is a process, not a moment, so there is no a single thing you're thinking about. at launch people are usually anxious about the public reception -- as you'd expect, really.
What eventually happened to Kazaa? It was sold to sharman networks that eventually crumbled under the weight of incoming lawsuits. interestingly, we actually developed next generation kazaa that never got launched due to sharman going under (also, skype was taking off, so we did not have much time to focus on it). which is a shame, because the world hasn't really seen what a p2p filesharing tech is actually capable of :)
You can't just say that and not expound on it! What do you mean? As opposed to fasttrack (the p2p platform underlying kazaa), it had exhaustive global searches (kazaa could only search 100k computers or so, whereas at its peak there were 5M users simultaneously online), and.
It was able to do sql-like queries over structured metadata of files (eg, "give me all artists whose recent albums contain a string 'hello'"), not just search file names.
Good morning and thanks for doing this AMA. When you developed games, was the end goal making them incredible difficult to win? Also, how long did Skype take to create? Haha! yes, my games career spanned the 90's, when "men were real men, women were real women and small furry creatures from Alpha Centauri were real small furry creatures from Alpha Centauri", so people had a different view of what "playability" meant. that said, you're right, of course many of them were clearly over the top even according to the standards back then :)
First version of skype took just 8 months from idea to launch -- from december 2002 till august 2003. shows the importance of having an experienced team that can hit the ground running.
Effectively communicating with doctors/medical professionals is hard for the average layperson. This problem is compounded when you're sick, scared, and uninformed. Is this one of the objectives of MetaMed? To help optimize the doctor-to-patient and patient-to-doctor communication dynamic? Yes, at least eventually.
The premise of metamed is that there's a lot of valuable people and expertise out there in the healthcare system and medical science, but it's fragmented and diluted in a system that does not really reward excellence (at least not in a way, say, that commercial aviation really has tight feedback loops that makes the system promote safety). so you need something or someone to identify the good bits.
Increasingly this is left to the patients themselves, but it can't be sustainable in the long term to assume that everyone is supposed to do their own medical research. at metamed we basically hire our researchers based on their ability to review medical literature and do the meta-research, so we can hopefully yield qualitatively better results.
In light of recent events. Has the government every approached you asking for a way to monitor skype? Me personally? no. of course skype's legal people were constantly contacted by various law enforcement agencies -- as you would expect.
What do you think of the Free Software movement? It clearly works well in areas where the problems are mostly limited to interesting technical challenges (such as OS-es), and less well when there are lots of nitty-gritty cross-domain challenges that require coordinating people with different expertise.
What is your opinion on Eleizer Yudkowsky, another prominent rationalist/futurist and founder of lesswrong.com? Well, eliezer's certainly an unorthodox figure, but i consider him a good friend. not to mention that i'm a donor to the organisation he founded -- MIRI.
Most importantly though, eliezer's writings were largely responsible for getting me interested in the whole x-risk reduction topic -- so he has been hugely influential in my current "career path".
What's the existential risk you're most afraid of? What should we be doing about it. I would not frame it in terms of fear, but intelligence explosion is on the top of my list of things to address -- both because of my own personal background (eg, i'm much less knowledgeable about x-risks from biology or nanotech) and also because AI, if done responsibly, can actually help with addressing the other x-risks.
Can you ask Priit Kasesalu if he will ever work on Subspace again? Ref for those who want to know what Subspace is: Link to www.subspace.co. Sure, will do :)
What do you do for fun? I like to dance :) as a computer nerd, i was completely surprised how much utility it can yield when you do it right.
How was strenghts divided between you and Janus Friis in regard to development, ideas and so on? Skype was a collective idea -- we actually pivoted from doing a wifi-sharing network (not unlike fon), to doing a VOIP product.
We actually got a lot of good press out of the fact that there are 5 countries on this planet who felt patriotic about skype (sweden and denmark because the main founders were from there, estonia because it was developed here, UK because the main business office was in london, and luxembourg because skype was a luxembourg company!)
What was your inspiration for Skype? The initial idea was to develop a wifi-sharing network, and then provide various "telecom-like" services on top of that, such as TV and telephony. however, 1) we were in the midst of lawsuits with major content producers after having done kazaa, so we dropped the TV idea, and 2) we found out that all the existing VOIP products out there at the time sucked (mostly due to their inability to work through NAT), so we focused on developing our own protocol.
How do you see companies like Viber threatening Skype? I think, in general, the main advantage that new companies have, is to be better adjusted to the current state of the ever-evolving technological environment.
For example, when the core skype code was written, we were mostly addressing desktop and laptop computers, so the tech design did not have energy consumption as a priority. now with the primary growth platform being smartphones, that is a problem (and once you have 100-s of millions of users, things like backwards compatibility considerations make your code hard to change)
Being a creator of kazaa, what are your personal views on the ethics of piracy? Do you believe piracy is wrong and companies should seek to stop it at all costs, or rather that piracy is only enabled by those who wont reinvent their business practices? I'm a consequentialist, so i don't think there is anything that should be done at all costs, or stopped because it's (normatively) "wrong".
What's your favorite piece of philosophical advice? As i wrote here, the meta-advice of always keeping in mind that your thoughts and intutions, including the philosphical ones, are generated by atoms moving around in your brain, must be one of my favorite ones.
(Hopefully someone sees this, although it seems the AMA is over) My question: Do we know this to be the case? Or is it probable? (I don't know the correct probability theory terminology) As someone who has recently discovered an interest in this subject matter and is working their way through some Yudowsky/Muehlhauser writings, this is something I'm struggling with. I have a philosophy background, but my undergrad work was on the continentals and transcendentalists, who I think would take issue with your claim. Oh geez, now I'm reading that LW post you referenced, but his "Failed Methods" section only briefly (and not very constructively) addresses the 'large swaths of philosophy' that I have been trained in. I suppose I could just read more, as I have been for the past year, but I think I'm just starving for some good ol' dialogue. Unfortunately, the internet is a much better medium for communicating the technical rationality found on LW, rather than the continental ideas that I'm trying to bring in. Oh geez. Perhaps someone could point me in the right direction? That's too difficult to answer in concise manner (eg, in my view there really is no meaningful difference between "something being the case" and "something being probable"), but "the lesswrong sequences" contain a wealth of information about this: Link to wiki.lesswrong.com
Wow, Kazaa. That's a name I haven't heard in a while. How long did it take to develop the program? Your thoughts on torrenting? I remember the initial kazaa project brainstorm was in summer 2000, and we released it in spring 2001 i think. not a lot of thoughts on torrenting other than it's clearly a solid technological protocol.
What's the hardest part(s) of getting a successful startup going? I have had venture capitalists approach me about funding a startup of mine, but they wanted WAYYY too much. How much is right to give away right out of the gate? Well, ignoring things like preferred shares, veto rights, etc for a moment, you just have to do the calculation of whether you expect, given the investment, the value of your diluted share of the company be greater or less than the undiluted share, given no investment. or, put more simply, if you don't expect the investment to make a significant difference in your growth rate, don't take it.
How's it going Mr. Tallinn. Did you ever work closely with Priit Kasesalu? I used to play with him in a game called Subspace, in which he was working on the client for the game, Continuum; shortly before he started working on Skype. Was a cool guy! Did you ever work on small projects like that before you worked on Skype? Sure, we started our programming careers together, co-founded bluemoon and now are working together at ambient sound investments.
What's your favorite programming language? Better yet, what are all the programming languages you know? In chronological order: basic, 8080 assembler, x86 assembler, c, c++, java, javascript, and currently python. thinking of moving on to clojure or haskell (my python already looks a lot like haskell :))
Is it true that earlier versions of Skype were written in Delphi? If yes what was the latest version used? What libraries? Why did Delphi got ditched? We just happened to have a couple of good UI developers who preferred to code in delphi. it was still used when i last was at skype, so i don't know if/why it was ditched.
Is Tallinn your real name, or a pseudonym taken from the capital of Estonia? If it is your real name, is there a story there? Both real name and taken from the capital, since estonian peasants got last names only a couple of hundred years ago when the city was already around.
As a prominent member of the social media and web based community what are your opinions on the recent developments with regards to the NSA spying scandal? Do you think large internet based companies could do more to be proactive about preventing these types of loopholes? See my reply here.
Can you tell us your opinion on the whole NSA thing that's just been revealed? See my reply here
Are the reports true that skype is releasing personal data? I wouldn't know, since i haven't been with skype for a while.
What do you know about the NSA tapping into Skype for surveillance purposes? Nothing. i'm no longer with skype.
Oh Kazaa, Thank you for taking my internet innocence You're welcome, especially if you put it that way :)
I wanted to make a similar comment. I have a four month old son and my husband works on a mine site. It means everything to us that he is able to see his son and make him smile. It makes my husband's personal sacrifice that bit easier to handle. Thanks :) i once did a quick fermi calculation at a party to estimate that i can take credit for roughly a million saved human relationships :)
probably a fair few created human relationships, too! I was bored one evening in 2006 and tried SkypeMe. One of the first people to pop up was a girl from Lima, Peru - 6,000 miles away. We've now been married for 5 years, and have a 2.5-year-old son together. So, thanks a million! :) Wow, very cool :) glad to hear that skype-me managed to be good for something before it got removed.
For some reason Estonia has become really well known on reddit lol. Mainly because of the awesome polandball shit but also generally in a positive light, unlike latvia and potatos. But yes. Estonia big. E-stonia hehueheuehuuhehue. Sometimes journalists ask me what's the "secret of estonia" -- i believe a large part of it is that we were "lucky" to be in a position of having to completely rebuild our infrastructure in the 90-s when the web was already around (and having young people in charge -- one of our early prime ministers, mart laar, was 32 years old at the time!). kind of similar advantage that new startups have over old companies -- having less legacy systems and hence more flexibility to take advantage of recent technological environment.
I love how you refer to old people as "legacy systems". Heh, that was not my intention :) but a friend of mine once made an interesting point by saying that the world has been taken over by aliens -- and, after a dramatic pause, clarified that most of the power and wealth in the world today is held by people who are older than people traditionally used to live.
2) It's a "black swan" problem (i.e. a low-probability, high-impact event might occur in the future that is not easily predictable from looking at the past), and human intuition SUCKS at having a proper awareness of these. (The recent bestseller "The Black Swan" covers this issue in detail) I don't agree that it is a black swan problem, actually. i agree with martin rees (my co-founder at CSER) that the chances of some existential risk materalising this century are around 50%.
Aitäh sulle. Palun :)
Skyroads was an amazing game, and pretty much what introduced me to PC gaming as a child. I just wanted to say thanks. Thanks :) yes, bluemoon still gets an occasional fan-email about that.
I remember i stopped using it after almost every mp3 i downloaded would scare the living shit out of me with a 100 decibel white noise screech. Tell you what though, i much prefer Spotify, which i guess kazaa paved the way for by starting the whole P2P thing. Right, there were companies out there who were commissioned to pollute the file sharing networks. interestingly, i later met some people who worked for them -- it was fun swapping "war stories" :)
Id like to know what you think about the latest NSA illegal wireless tapping, the storage of meta data and how it all ties in with skype talk sessions that are stored and given to Government Agencies. I gave one quick reply here, but as a general rule, i try to steer clear of hot political debates (and signalling tribal affiliations), because doing that seems instrumentally counter-productive for my goal of x-risk reduction.
Last updated: 2013-06-11 15:11 UTC
This post was generated by a robot! Send all complaints to epsy.
submitted by tabledresser to tabled [link] [comments]


How to DATE an ESTONIAN MAN Meet my Girlfriend  Tallinn, Estonia Travel Vlog - YouTube Oleg Pussyking - Estonian Ass How to be romantic in Estonia What It's Like To Be Estonian - YouTube

Estonia Women Dating, Estonia Single Women Online

  1. How to DATE an ESTONIAN MAN
  2. Meet my Girlfriend Tallinn, Estonia Travel Vlog - YouTube
  3. Oleg Pussyking - Estonian Ass
  4. How to be romantic in Estonia
  5. What It's Like To Be Estonian - YouTube

What it's like to be an Estonian living in Estonia? I'm finally giving you an answer. ♥ Instagram: www.instagram.com/deananoop ♥ Twitter: https://twitter.com... I'm in Tallinn, Estonia and my girlfriend has joined me for a bit. Jodie's Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/alajode Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/br... Estonian reacts to the U.S. invasion of Afganistan - Duration: ... You Know You're Dating a Russian Woman When... - Duration: 5:26. Dating Beyond Borders Recommended for you. Dating A Finnish Woman - AVOID These 10 Screw Ups! - Duration: 12:23. ... Estonian Dating: How to Date Estonian Girls - Duration: 2:58. iDateAdvice 94,576 views. 2:58. Speaking Estonian With Strangers ... 167 videos Play all Beast Mode Hip Hop YouTube Music; Estonian Dating: How to Date Estonian Girls - Duration ... Estonian Women - Duration ...